The Princess Diaries, Wu Edition
by Dry Tortugas
Summary: Ever wonder what it's like to be a Princess in Ancient China? Sun Shang Xiang provides insight about arguments, jokes, pranks, rivalries, love, wars, and of course, driving each other crazy. ON HOLD UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
1. Prologue

**Disclamer:** Dynasty Warriors is copyright © Koei Co., Ltd., and KOEI Corporation. All characters mentioned in this fan fiction are the property of their respective owners; no copyright infringement is intended. Except, if I did own Koei, that'd be beyond cool. :D

**Author's Note: **Hey guys. I'm trying a new writing style here, since I've never written a story in someone's POV before. This story's in SSX's POV, and it takes place after Sun Ce dies. Sun Ce's one of my favorite characters, I hate to kill him off so early in the story, but, what must be done must be done. Everyone's costumes are as follows-- DW4 for everyone, except Sun Shang Xiang's, in DW5.

Without further ado, I give you...

* * *

_A little girl was crying. "Brother! Brother! I'm scared!" A little boy cheered the girl on encouragingly. "Come on, Shang Xiang. You can do it. Just hold on, and don't be afraid." With that, the little boy gave the small pony a push. "Ce!" the girl cried, obviously terrified. "It's OK, Shang Xiang! It's OK!"_

Ugh…what's going on? What's up with the memories?

That's when it all came back to me. That was when I was 6, and Sun Ce, my eldest brother, taught me to ride horses. We started with the pony. Man, did Ce love that pony. I remember when it broke its leg…he was so upset. Of course, he got over it. That's my brother.

And unfortunately, the other events of last night soon flooded back into my memory banks. The brother who taught me to ride ponies was the same brother who's currently lying on a cot dying right now. After those…creeps shot him down with arrows. I swear, if there's any way I can get my revenge I will. I'll hunt them down and kill them, no matter what the sacrifice is.

But what can I do? I'm a girl, first of all. There's no way my brother Quan would let me go, first of all. Not while I'm supposed to be settling down like the _young lady I am_. What garbage. What difference does it make? Male, female, who cares? I know I could be a warrior. My swordplay's better then most males, nobody can fight with chakrams better than I, what's holding me back? If Quan wasn't such an idiot, Wu might not be in such turmoil now!

None of that matters now…as long as Ce will live, I'll be willing to wear a gown and embroider clothes for the rest of my life…

* * *

Some servant woke me up that morning. I ignored her pleas and buried my face back into my pillows. It wasn't until I heard crying that I sat up in bed. Still ignoring the servant, I ordered her out and slipped out of my nightgown. Pulling on my regular costume, I slid my bare feet into a pair of shoes and hurried out the door.

I walked down the halls, frantically trying to find where the crying was coming from, when I noticed a young maiden leaning up against the wall, looking upset. Approaching her, I realized who she was - Xiao Qiao, daughter of Qiao Xuan and wife of Zhou Yu. I had forgotten almost completely that the Two Qiaos, as they were called, had recently married my brother Ce and his sworn brother, Zhou Yu.

Da Qiao was married to my brother, thus making her my sister-in-law. I didn't really know either girl well, since I found them too feminine for my liking. I preferred to be in the company of their spouses. Now, however, I walked up to the younger Qiao and cleared my throat. "What's going on?"

Xiao Qiao's gray eyes met my own brown eyes, and said, quietly, "Lord Sun Ce has died."

* * *

AN: That was the prolouge, a short introduction to the story. That's why it was short. :P The pairing for the story's going to be GN/SSX, but there's going to be problems with Liu Bei, and another Wu officer whose identity I will not reveal until the appropriate chapter. :) Maybe some SC/DQ fluff, with Da Qiao remembering the good times with Sun Ce, and reminicing some memories. I'll see about ZY/XQ. Read and review, I'm not posting the next chapter unless I get 5 reviews. 


	2. War Cometh

Disclamer: I own nothing.

Author's Note: 2 years after the prolouge. Rating went up to R because of future plot twists. I have my reasons. Still SSX POV.

* * *

I can't believe this.

My life has taken a headfirst dive into suck. Not even a year after I lost my brother Ce, my father was killed in an enemy ambush.

What the hell is happening? Have the heavens finally decided to bring down the Sun Family? And why my family? Why is Quan suddenly acting like such a jerk?

Ever since Father died, Quan got to take over the rule of the land, being the older child and all, yadda yadda yadda, I don't CARE. A sack of flour could do a better job ruling the land than my sexist older brother could.

Who says women are weak? I've been sparring with him and Ce since I was able to carry a chakram. I've kicked BOTH their butts more times than I can count, and I'm perfectly capable of fighting for myself. But why, oh WHY, is Quan refusing to let me fight in this battle?

Wu is soon leading an attack on the rebel pirate, Huang Zu, and his fleet. So? I've been in battles before. Huang Zu is the man responsible for the death of my dad. I want to kill him and make him feel the pain I've felt for the last year.

But noooo, Quan says it's too dangerous. He says pirates are different then regular men, their morals and their honor is non-existant and there's no telling what they'll do to a defenseless woman.

Let me know when you find one. If you want a defenseless woman, look at the Qiao sisters. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister-in-law, Da, to pieces, and I'd do anything for Xiao Qiao, who's like the sister I've never had, but... they're girly as a flower. And I'm tougher than Quan ever was!

I asked Zhou Yu why Quan was being so stubborn about me not attending this battle, and he explained to me about one of Huang Zu's generals, Gan Ning, having a reputation for being a Class A womanizer. Apparently he's drunk 95 of the time, and the other 5, he's so ferocious of a man that he's nearly invincible.

I guess Quan may have a point there. But as for this creep being a womanizer, it may do him some justice to be brought to his knees by a woman in the flesh. Honestly, what's the worst that can happen?

And that reminds me, I've been hearing rumors about an alliance with Liu Bei... but nothing's finalized yet. When Quan gets annoyed with me these days he threatens to send me to Shu as a wife for Liu Bei, first class. I swear, if he does, I'll escape from Shu just to kick his ass!

Bro, Dad, I hope you're watching over me from that great kingdom up in the sky. Every battle I fight in now, every casualty I claim, is for you and the glory of the Sun Family!

* * *

Sorry these chapters are short, but updates will be fast. (Seriously, I'm halfway done with Chapter 2, and I have a week off.)


	3. Pirates are Hot

Disclamer: I own nothing.

Author's Note: 2 years after the prolouge. Rating went down to T again due to lack of comments. I have my reasons. Still SSX POV.

* * *

Stupid sexist Quan. It's bad enough he got angry at me for being nosy and at Zhou Yu for telling me everything, but when I told him my logic that a woman beating Gan Ning would shut him up once and for all, he nearly shoved me in a carriage and shipped me off to Cao Cao's infamous woman tower. (Oh he wouldn't dare.)

Joking aside, he said that Gan Ning is a vicious and pretty much evil guy, and if he lays eyes on me I can consider myself raped right then and there. Wow, really optomistic there, brother.

I suggested attending the battle anyways, and promising to stay away from Gan Ning. Quan, being my brother, knew exactly what I was implying and said no again. (He knew the first thing I would do is charge Gan Ning the instant he stops looking.)

And now the jackass won't even tell me what day the troops are leaving for war! Well, that won't stop me. When I'm determined, nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is gonna get in MY way!

* * *

Apparantly something is, and something ALMOST did. When I woke up this morning, I COULDN'T GET OUT OF MY ROOM. My brother must have rolled a rock or something in front of the door, damn him.

That's not going to stop me. I looked out the window and saw a huge line of troops, horses, generals, and lo and behold, my stupid brother-- marching out of Wu and heading southwest.

Southwest... definitely towards the seas. They're headed for war already! And without me?

I wasn't letting an opportunity like this pass me by. I got dressed, pulling on my sleeveless, red vest-like shirt and buttoned it up down my chest and across my neck. I pulled my red pants on, (which stopped at my mid-calf; not really pants) and tied on my thick black boots. (AN: I know her boots aren't black, I like black boots. Who goes to war without boots? I went to Prom in boots!) I pulled my red headband over my short red hair, messed it up appropriately, and pulled my fingerless gloves on.

For some reason my Chakrams are missing. God DAMN my brother! He must have snuck into my room while I was sleeping!

Well, he didn't take the good ones. I keep the good ones under my bed. They're even better than the other ones, considering they're not as heavy and they're sharper.

Now to get out... that's an easy problem. All I did to escape THAT was throwing some ugly statue I hated through the window; it went right through the window and I jumped right through the hole.

Ha. I headed to my stables, mounted my white horse, but before I could head off... Da Qiao, Ce's widow, caught me escaping and wouldn't let me leave because she wanted to tell me some crazy dream she had about Sun Ce returning to life and kissing her. Whatever. I told her to take a hike, and she took me seriously and ran off. Honestly, sometimes I wonder how drunk my brother was when he asked that girl to marry him.

Speaking of which, watch over me, Dad and Ce, because that pirate's not going to know what hit him after I strike!

* * *

Thanks to the horsetracks left in the mud, I followed after my own army for what seemed like all morning. It sure was a muggy day, pretty lousy conditions for a battle.

Whatever. I'm already too eager for a fight to turn back now, and nothing's scaring this princess away from her duty... fighting and defending her homeland!

* * *

I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored.

I've been following these stupid tracks for hours now, and I'm bored. I'm sweaty, I'm tired, and if some pirate comes along I might as well rip my pants off and let him take me right here. (I'm joking. Any pirate who comes my way gets his block knocked off, regardless of my exhaustion.)

"Ugh," I moaned out loud. "Why did I come here? No pirate blood is worth THIS!"

"Hey, Lady Sun! What's happening?" a familiar voice echoed behind me. I turned around and saw the friendly face of Ling Tong, an officer in the Wu army I've known for a while, smiling at me.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"I'm TRYING to get to Xia Kou! But I THINK I'm lost!" I complained. I'm usually an optomist, but there's no point in pursuing a lost cause.

Ling Tong chuckled. "I guess it goes to show you how lousy women are with directions-- OW!" I interrupted his sexist comment by smacking him on the back of the head.

"Yeow, that hurt!" he whined. I rolled my eyes. "Goes to show you what happens when you insult a woman."

"Yeah, well, if you see any, let me know." Ling Tong wiggled his eyebrows at me, earning him another smack.

"OW! Cut it out!" he whined again. "What does that saying go, Thou knows no wrath like a woman enraged?" I asked.

Lng Tong rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Enough of the feminist crap."

"Enough of the sexist crap!"

"Stop saying the word sexist, you're turning me on there," Ling Tong said with a grin. Before I could slap him this time, he squealed like a girl (sorry to all you ladies out there) kicked his horse, and went off.

"Wait! I promise I won't hit you! Wait up!" I wailed, chasing after him.

He stopped. "You promise?"

I nodded. He reluctanly stopped, and I kicked him in the leg. "OW! How is that helping?" he said angrily.

"It helps with my rage issues. Anyways, where are you going?" I asked.

"To Xia Kou! Dad asked for some reinforcements, so here I am." Ling Tong replied.

"You're going to Xia Kou and you didn't tell me? Ass!" I said angrily.

"Woah, woah, language there, Princess. I figured you knew everything already, Miss Women are so Smart and Almighty!" Ling Tong stopped. "Please don't hit me again."

"I won't if you don't take me to Xia Kou, RIGHT NOW!" I nearly screamed. "Alright, alright, chillax. You ARE going the right way. See those footprints? Those are PROBABLY where the other soldiers went, just a gue-- OW!"

Ling Tong galloped a few feet ahead of me. "Quit hitting me!" he said.

I rolled my eyes. To think I used to have a crush on him.

(No, this fic will NOT become LTxSSX! Don't kid yourself!)

* * *

"Here we are, ladies and germs, welcome to scenic Xia Kou, home of the insane women and the super-sexy generals... oh, wait, that's Wu I'm talking about!" Ling Tong said, pulling his horse to a stop.

Before I could slap him, (for the fourth time) he put his hands in front of his head and said, "I was talking about the Qiao chicks! Geez!"

Yeah. Right. "Alright, so where's the action?" I said eagerly. "I want to kick some ass!"

"OK, bloodthirsty princess, maybe you should LOOK OVER THERE," Ling Tong said, pointing. "AHA! PEOPLE TO KILL!" I screamed manaically, chasing after them. "LOOK OUT, BECAUSE SUN SHANG XIANG IS COMIN' TO GET YOU!"

Ignoring Ling Tong's sarcastic calls of, "Go get 'em, Princess Crazy!", I charged right at the first guy I saw. He heard me coming and whipped his head around, revealing probably the best looking guy on the face of the earth. (He made Ling Tong look like a... nevermind.) Unfortunately, I couldn't stop! "Look out!" I yelled, not wanting to cause any damage to that gorgeous face.

"Woah!" the guy yelled, diving out of the way. I fell right off my horse, and-- oof, landed right on top of his tattoo-covered chest, (which I just noticed was bare). I could feel the muscles of his chest on my back.

"Geez," the guy grumbled, sitting up. He noticed me on his lap. "I guess being hit by a horse is a small price to pay if you've got pretty girls falling on your lap," he commented, looking at me. "Who the hell are you, anyway?"

"I... I'm Sun Shang Xiang, Princess of Wu. Who're YOU?" I asked.

He flashed me a big grin, revealing a line of straight white teeth, and said, "I'm Gan Ning of the Bells." (AN: Oh come on you saw that coming.)

Oh great. Just great.

* * *

Over already? I know, I know... chapters are too short, you want some action. Well, too bad; it'll come laaaaater... you lovely people gave me 9 comments when I asked for 5 originally, but Chapter 1 yielded no comments... Read and Review, people! And tell a friend! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease! 


	4. First Kiss

Disclamer: I still own nothing.

Author's Note: 2 years after the prolouge. Rating went down to T again due to lack of comments. I have my reasons. Still SSX POV.

* * *

You've gotta be KIDDING me! This unbelievably good looking guy is GAN NING? I can't take him down!

Woah, woah, getting a bit ahead of myself. O' course I can take this loser, I can take out anyone!

"Yeah? I don't care WHO you are, YOU'RE going down!" I yelled, and swung at him.

He caught my arm, almost looking bored. "Please. THESE are Sun Quan's reinforcements? A girl?" he said.

A GIRL? Why that rotten little...

Gan Ning looked at me up and down. "Sorry, I don't fight girls," he said. "But if you wanna 'fight' me anyway, I won't have any complaints. What do you think of tha- OW!" he screamed, when I kicked him, harder than I kicked Ling Tong earlier.

"You little...! Nobody kicks Gan Ning and lives!" He said angrily.

"Yeah? Then fight me, you stupid pirate!" I answered, pretty angry.

Unfortunately, he still wouldn't fight! "Little girl, you should turn around and go home, before you get hurt," he said, cupping my chin in his hand. "I usually don't pick on cute girls, but if you keep pissing me off, I might get angry. And you won't like me when I'm angry."

I shook his hand right off me, and said, "I don't like you NOW!" and hit him as hard as I could. He yelled and staggered backwards, landing on his rear.

"You little bitch, you're going to pay for that!" he said angrily, and grabbed me by my throat.

You know the saying of bells ringing when you're in love? Well, they ring when you're about to die too. The bells attached to Gan Ning's waist were ringing, and it was getting annoying.

Unfortunately for me, Gan Ning looked VERY angry, so I figured this was the end. Until...

Gan Ning put me down on the ground, let go of my throat, and just looked at me for a second. Then he leaned down, and kissed me. Right on my mouth.

1... 2... 3... and he was off.

"W-what the...?" I said, shocked (of course, that was the best-- and only-- kiss of my life) beyond belief. He just glared at me. "Get out of here. If Huang Zu sees you, and captures you, it'll be the end for that pretty face of yours. If I see you, and Huang Zu orders me to attack you... I'm going to have to. Now GET."

"...will I ever see you again?" I asked. He looked kind of surprised, but shook his head. "Yes. No. I don't know. GO!" he finally yelled, and gave me a quick shove.

I glanced back at him, before mounting my horse. "B-but..."

"GO!" Gan Ning said.

I gave my horse a quick shove and she galloped off. Once he was finally out of my line of vision, I let out a gleeful sigh of a girl in love. For a pirate, he's an unbelivably good kisser...

* * *

As I headed down the path, not really paying attention to where I was going, Ling Tong, once again, galloped by, but he looked angry. "Have you seen that sleazebag pirate, Gan Ning?" he said, stopping to talk to me.

"N-no," I said, deciding to lie. "Why?"

"That disgusting vermin killed my father!" he said angrily. "And I intend to return that in kind!"

"He WHAT!" I nearly screamed. How could he? Why! It's not fair! I couldn't believe it!

"Ling Tong, you can't... he'll kill you too!" I protested, which, in all honesty, was probably true.

Suprisingly enough, Ling Tong grabbed my hands. "Shang Xiang, please, don't tell me that. Lord Sun Quan, Zhou Yu, Zhou Tai, everyone told me to stay away from him. But I have to kill him!"

Before I could say anything, he continued. "Think of how you felt when you lost your father. That's why you're here, isn't it? To avenge his death? Even though the odds are against you?"

I had to agree, but I did wish he'd let my hands go. "...Fine. I do know where he is. But promise me you'll deck out if things get bad!" I said. I wasn't going to protect a murderer.

"I promise. Where is he?" Ling Tong asked.

"Last I saw him, he was... over there," I said, pointing.

"Thanks, Shang Xiang. If I don't come back... oh, nevermind. I'll see you later." He let go of my hands and raced off.

A year ago, the thought of Ling Tong holding my hands like that would've made my little heart explode with joy. Now... I don't know WHAT'S wrong with me.

Stupid pirate. Why does he have to be a murderer? Why can't be be as awesome as that kiss?

* * *

"SHANG XIANG!" the booming voice of my big brother screamed. Oh great.

"Uh... hey, bro," I said sheepishly. This will not be good.

"SHANG XIANG, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM! I SPECIFICALLY ASKED YOU ONE THING! THE ONLY BATTLE I'VE MADE YOU STAY OUT OF, FOR YOUR SAFETY, AND YOU STILL DISOBEYED ME AND SNUCK OUT! WHAT PART OF THESE MEN ARE DANGEROUS DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I ORDERED LU XUN TO STAY AT THE CASTLE FOR THIS BATTLE, BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE A WOMAN!" Quan was now screaming.

"Quan, chill! I'm fine!" I said, trying to calm my brother down.

"NO! I AM NOT GOING TO CHILL! IF YOU WOULD RECALL, I PROMISED OUR BROTHER, ON HIS DEATHBED, THAT I WOULD MAKE SURE NOTHING HAPPENED TO YOU! AND AS USUAL, ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS YOURSELF, AND PROVING YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU'RE A GIRL! WELL, NEWS FLASH! WHO CARES IF YOU'RE A GIRL! I DON'T! NOBODY ELSE DOES! SO STOP IT! WE KNOW YOU'RE STRONG! YOU DON'T HAVE TO ENDANGER YOURSELF TO DO IT!" he screamed again.

"Bro, will you please-"

"SHUT UP! I'M NOT DONE! THAT INSANE GAN NING COULD'VE GRABBED YOU AND GUESS WHAT? HE WOULDN'T HAVE CARED IF YOU'RE A GIRL! HE'D HAVE KILLED YOU, OR WORSE!"

"What could be worse than dying?" I asked.

"GETTING PREGNANT, WITH THAT PSYCHOTIC PIRATE'S CHILD! HOW WOULD YOU HAVE LIKED THAT!"

"Quan, alright, I'm sorry!" I cried angrily. Quan took a few deep breaths and finally calmed down.

"Bro, I'm sorry! I should have listened to you!" I said, now quite upset. "Just stop yelling! I see the error of my ways, and I am going home!"

I turned around and stormed off, then came back to get my horse. I galloped off, slowing to a stop as I approached the path towards home. Quan was right, Gan Ning WAS a psycho. He killed Ling Cao, and unless a miracle's going to happen Ling Tong's probably down for the count too.

What if something HAD happened to me? He was stronger than me. If something else had been running through his head... I don't want to think about it.

Ow, what was that? I... I don't feel so well all of a sudden... I need to take a quick little... nap... and I collapsed.

* * *

AN: And, she's out cold. Next chapter'll be up by tomorrow, maybe. 


	5. Captured and Escaping

Disclamer: I still own nothing.

Author's Note: This is the chapter when things start to get weird. If I'm lucky, I'll have 2 more chapters up by the end of the week. :P (And I know the friggen summary claims to have SCxDQ moments, and I assure you, it will... eventually...)

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! LET ME GO, YOU GOD-DAMNED PIRATE!" the enraged voice of Ling Tong rang out throughout the entire prison boat. "YOU STUPID PIRATE! UNTIE ME THIS INSTANT! IF YOU HAD ANY GUTS AT ALL, YOU'D UNTIE ME AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN! AAAAAAA-"

An exasperated, and highly irritated Gan Ning finally clamped his hand over the younger man's mouth. "Will you SHUT UP?" he finally yelled. "You haven't shut up since I tied you up! Now unless you want to join your father, you MIGHT want to make shutting up a priority!"

Gan Ning flung Ling Tong into the small jail quarters, where he landed head-first on the ground. "Ow!" he whined.

"Is that all you do? Whine and yell?" Gan Ning complained. Ling Tong rolled over and wiggled around, trying to break free, (since Gan Ning tied him up around his ankles, knees, waist, wrists, arms, and tied him up completely to avoid any more hits on the back of the head with a nunchaku) but he sure didn't look intimidating. (No, this is not h0t ya0i b0ndage pr0n. Get your mind out of the gutter.)

"Excuse me, Lord Gan Ning," a troop said, pushing past the pirate. "We need to drop this off..."

"What the hell is that?" Ning asked, raising an eyebrow. "Sure doesn't look like anything Huang Zu would w... wait a god damned minute, PULL THAT BLANKET OFF."

"Err..." the troop cautiously removed the bloody blanket, revealing the body of a rather young woman... with dark red hair and a red headband. (No, she is not naked; she has her clothes on. Get your mind out of the gutter.)

"What the...? Where did you find her?" Gan Ning demanded, trying not to let the concern show.

"We saw her on her horse, and Huang Zu ordered us to shoot her down, sir," the troop replied.

"Geez," Ling Tong commented. "Talk about obedience."

"WHO SHOT HER DOWN?" the enraged pirate screamed, kicking Ling Tong in the head to make him shut up. ("OW! You COULD say please, you know!")

"Err... HE DID!" the troop said, pointing to his accomplice.

Gan Ning let out an angry roar and sliced the guy's head off, causing it to roll off his shoulders and land somewhere near Ling Tong.

"Ew," Ling Tong whined. "Get this disgusting head away from me before I throw up!"

"I AM GOING TO RIP YOUR THROAT OUT," Gan Ning snarled, turning around and glaring at Ling Tong.

"Sorry."

"AS FOR YOU," Gan Ning said, kicking the other troop in the stomach, "YOU'VE GOT SOME NERVE! STAY AWAY FROM THE GIRL, OR I'M GOING TO RIP YOU APART!"

The guy lost his nerve, dropped Shang Xiang's body, and ran off, terrified.

Gan Ning collected Shang Xiang's body and laid her down on some hay. "Yeah... she's definitely out cold..." he muttered, flipping her over to get a better look at the wound on her back. "Yeesh. Those bastards hit her pretty hard."

Ling Tong looked irate. "Get your filthy hands off the princess! I swear, when I get my hands on you, I'm gonna... I'm gonna..."

"Gonna what? Will you shut up already? You're REALLY starting to annoy me," Gan Ning growled.

"YOU FCKING PIRATE! YOU KILLED MY FATHER! I SHOULD RIP THROUGH THESE BONDS RIGHT NOW AND TEAR YOU APART! NOW QUIT MOLESTING THE PRINCESS AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!" Ling Tong screamed.

"That does it, SHUT UP," Gan Ning growled. "You see that pile of horse shit? Unless you want me to stick your annoying face in there, SHUT YOUR FCKING MOUTH! I'M SICK OF YOU GIVING ME CRAP!"

* * *

Back at the Wu castle, the Two Qiaos were sitting in the nursery. Xiao Qiao had recently given birth to a boy, Zhou Yin, around maybe a month ago, (creative, I know) and the hyper Qiao sister was nursing.

"Aww, sis, isn't he cuuuute!" Xiao Qiao said, squealing to her sister.

Da's eyes welled with tears. Sure, the baby was cute, not to mention her nephew, but every time a new baby was born in the castle it broke her heart to think she hadn't been able to bear her husband an heir to the kingdom.

Xiao Qiao noticed. "Sis... I'm sorry," she said, obviously sympathetic with her sister. "Don't worry about it! Keep your chin up, and something great'll happen!"

Da Qiao looked at her sister. "I admire your optomism, Xiao Qiao..." she said sadly.

"Sis... remember that time when Dong Zhuo captured us? And you were pacing, terrified of something bad happening, and I said to chill out, and something would happen to save us? You remember what happened, right?"

A nostalgic (wow! I knew that word!) smile spread across the older Qiao's lips. How could she forget, the day she first met and fell in love with Lord Sun Ce.

They had been arranged to be married a long time ago, but Da Qiao wasn't going to see her husband's face until their wedding day. Remembering the handsome young man, who burst through the castle doors, raced to her, held his hand out to her and said, "Hey, I'm Sun Ce. Are you Da Qiao?"

She had nodded, quite suprised. Sun Ce cheerfully said, "Cool! We're getting married!"

"Oh... magnificent," she had replied, still quite scared.

"Don't be scared! C'mon, take my hand so we can get outta here!" Sun Ce said. Da Qiao had taken his hand, remembering the way his fingers interlocked perfectly with her own. "I... I..."

But Sun Ce had already scooped her up in his arms and raced off, screaming "BRING IT ON!" to any Dong Zhyo troops that dared confront him.

"Sis? SIS?" Xiao Qiao said, alarmed.

Da Qiao shook herself awake. "Hmm? Oh... oh, I'm sorry. I was just... oh, nevermind..."

Xiao placed her son down and gave her sister a hug. "It'll be okay, sis. Don't be sad. If Lord Sun Ce was still alive, he'd want you to be happy!"

Da smiled at her sister. "Thank you, Xiao Qiao... excuse me, please..." She shook out of her sister's arms and hurried to her chambers.

All of a sudden, she wasn't feeling too well... Feeling the urge to regurgitate, she hurried to the chamberpots (did they have toilets back then? i doubt it) and threw up. (no sense beating around the bush.)

Throw... up? Da Qiao looked at the vomit in the toilet and felt pure joy, as if she'd just thrown up a million dollars instead of her lunch. "I... could it be? Could I be pregnant?" she wondered.

**(To answer everyone's questions, yes, she is pregnant. Apparently she and Sun Ce were busy before he died and it took 2 years for her to get pregnant.)**

* * *

(back to SSX POV; she's dreaming)

_"Shang Xiang... Shang Xiang! Wake up!"  
_

Huh?

_"You heard me, Shang Xiang... it's me, your big bro!"_

What? Ce!

_The one and only! How've you been?_

Ce? What the hell? How can this be happening? Are you real?

_No, I'm a figment of your imagination used to portray the abstract concept of thought. Of course I'm real! Don't be stupid!_

Oookay... so, how's it going, Ce-man?

_Pretty good, about as good as being dead gets. Listen, Shang Xiang... you're asleep. You're being held hostage by a creepy pirate. I need you to become my kick-ass and sometimes creepy little sister and kick this guy's ass. Oh, and Ling Tong got himself captured again. You might want to recognize him._

Say WHAT?

_Time to wake up, Shang Xiang... see ya later..._

(For those of you who are confused, SSX is dreaming about Sun Ce, who's telling her everything that just happened.)

I woke up pretty groggily, and jumped. It's not everyday you wake up with a pirate looking at you.

"Hey... you're... you're Gan Ning!" I said.

"Yeah, no shit. Didn't I tell you to get out of here!" he snapped.

"Y-yeah... I WAS leaving, when your stupid archers shot me down!" I said angrily. I don't care HOW good looking this guy is, I don't take any crap from anybody!

"Yeah, whatever. Look, Huang Zu's coming and he's going to kick my ass if he sees me. So if you've got a plan to escape, now would be the time to hear it."

"Well, I was thinkin-- LING TONG? What happened to you?" I said, jumping off the hay, pushing Gan Ning aside and leaning down to untie my friend.

"Princess! You've FINALLY woken up! Untie me so I can KILL THIS ASSHOLE!" Ling Tong said, happy to be free.

"Yeah... whatever, hang--"

I stopped with Gan Ning pointing his sword to Ling Tong's throat. "Untie him, and it's the last thing he'll ever do," Ning warned.

* * *

AN: Ooh, cliffy. I've got Da Qiao pregnant with Sun Ce's baby, and Gan Ning's got a blade to Ling Tong's throat. Plus, I've got a little love triangle going on, GNxSSXxLT, (it'll be a love square soon-- Liu Bei'll be showing his ugly face sooner or later) Updates will be quick, as usual. So, tell me what you want to see:D 


	6. Fight for your Life

Disclamer: I'm too lazy to copy/paste my regular disclaimer. Or correctly spell disclaimer. :P Just read.

Author's Note: I have nothing to say.

* * *

Ling Tong looked scared. "DO WHAT HE SAYS! DO WHAT HE-- wait a minute. I'm no friggen damsel in distress! KILL ME LIKE YA MEAN IT, PIRATE!"

I glared at him. "Tong, SHUT UP. Gan Ning, I don't care what you do, just don't hurt him!"

"Great. Now I've got a princess rescuing me." Ling Tong said. "I hope my dad isn't laughing at me up in the afterlife."

What an ass. "On second thought, do what you want. I don't care." I turned to leave, and, as expected, Ling Tong started whining. "Nooo! I was joking! Don't let this pirate hurt me! He'll kill me, then he'll rape my corpse!"

Gan Ning looked revolted at the thought. "For your information, little boy, I only rape wome-- err, I'm still virgin!" he corrected himself, glancing over at me.

Assholes. Men are ASSHOLES. I whipped my chakrams out from behind my back, and said, "Alright pirate, if you want to kill Ling Tong, you gotta get through ME to do it!"

Gan Ning looked at me. "What the hell are you talking about, girlfriend? I'm ALREADY right next to him."

I looked annoyed. "Don't ruin my moment. I mean, FIGHT ME, THEN KILL LING TONG!"

"No!" Ling Tong whined. "Fight her, then lose so I can be free!"

"Right!" I said.

"Wrong!" Gan Ning said. "Gan Ning never loses a fight!"

"Right! I mean, wrong!" Ling Tong said.

"OH SHUT UP!" I screamed. "FIGHT ME, OR LET TONG GO!"

(AN: I accidently spelled "Tong" as "Thong"...)

Gan Ning chortled. "Oh, please. So now the little Princess is trying to be tough. Babe, if you want a fight, you're out of luck, since I don't fight girls. We've gone through this alr--- arrgh!"

I had had enough, so I attacked. With my chakrams. It was a direct hit, I noticed, as I felt the side of the chakram thump the pirate on his head.

"AAAAARGH!" he screamed, rubbing his head. "DON'T... MESS... WITH... THE... HAIR!" Didn't take long for him to make an instant recovery, and he grabbed his sword and swung at me. I blocked his attack, the loud noise of metal hitting metal piercing our ears.

Clang-clang-CLANG! Our weapons continued to ricochet against the other, causing a lot of noise. I wasn't giving up; I was (unfortunately) fighting for Ling Tong as much as I was fighting for myself.

I swung at him at the exact time he swung at me; and the weapons's impacts knocked us both backward, me falling on my leg. "Ow!" I yelled angrily, feeling my leg crack.

"SHANG XIANG!" Ling Tong screamed, looking scared.

"I'm... I'm fine!" I yelled, stumbling up to my feet. "Ow! You're gonna pay for that!" I said angrily, ready to fight again.

Finally I made another hit, causing a gash to appear across Gan Ning's muscular arm. This time it was bad; blood was gushing down his arm and I could see muscle through the cut.

"Ow! You stupid nasty little..." Gan Ning snarled angrily.

I was in for it. "Serves you right, you creep!" I yelled angrily, taking a step closer to Ling Tong (in case Gan Ning tried anything funny, I'd throw Ling Tong at him and run) but instead, he threw his head back and laughed.

"Yeah? Serves me right for what? The only thing I recall doing to you was kissing you... and you sure liked it when it happened!" Gan Ning said, smirking at me.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Ling Tong screamed, horrified. "Shang Xiang, you did WHAT?"

"I, uh... well, let's get one thing straight! HE kissed ME!" I screamed.

"Same difference," Ling Tong said, sounding revolted and hurt at the same time. "I can't believe you! You pounded me in the eye when I tried to kiss you!"

"I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD!" I screamed. "But enough about THAT! As for YOU," I said, rearing on Gan Ning, "In case you haven't NOTICED, my leg is kind of BROKEN!"

"It's not broken! Quit being a wimp!" Gan Ning said, now trying to quell the blood flow dripping from his arm.

"No, seriously, it's not broken," Ling Tong said, glancing at my leg.

"Oh, WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON ANYWAYS?" I said, turning around to yell at Ling Tong again.

"Apparently, MINE!" Gan Ning snapped.

"I most certainly am NOT on YOUR side! Don't kid yourself!" Ling Tong shrieked.

"That does it, this is tiring... I'm ending this!" I said angrily.

"Oh please. You couldn't take me, princess, not in a hundred years," Gan Ning said with a sneer. "Once again, you're no match for me. When is it gonna sink in?"

"That does it. Shang Xiang, stand down. You're hurt," Ling Tong said, scrambling up to his feet, a difficult task indeed since he was tied up. "I'LL take over here! Since no pirate stands a chance for a man whose father has been killed! HRAH!"

"Oh no. I am terrified. God help me, the widdle boy's going to try and kill me," Gan Ning said, breaking out into laughter. Ass.

"What're you going to do all tied up?" I asked, ignoring Gan Ning's hysterical laughter.

"Shang Xiang, don't ruin my moment..." Ling Tong muttered. He hopped over towards Gan Ning, (an unbelievable task) and glared at him. "If you're done picking on innocent girls, maybe you wouldn't mind facing me instead! I'll rip you apart!"

Gan Ning rolled his eyes. "Oh please, bondage boy. What the hell are you going to do tied up like that?"

Ling Tong looked annoyed. "I don't know. I didn't think I'd make it this far."

"Well, let me help you out there. I could do THIS-" Gan Ning swung a fist at Ling Tong, who yelped and hopped out of the way. "Or THIS-" Gan Ning swung again, Ling Tong yelped and hopped away- "Or, THIS!" Gan Ning yelled, and tried to push Ling Tong over.

"Geez! Watch it!" Ling Tong whined, hopping about. "HEY! I got it!" Without further comment, I watched as he hopped over to Gan Ning and stomped on his foot.

"OW! That hurt, you little asshole!" Gan Ning said angrily, hopping up and down.

"Yeah it did! Hah! In your ugly face! BOOYAH!" Ling Tong hopped around in a victory circle and faced me. "See, look at me, Shang Xiang! I can fight all tied up! Whaddaya think of THAT?"

I had to admit, I was impressed. "Good job, Tong," I said, smiling at him. "But I--" I noticed Gan Ning sneaking up behind Ling Tong, but he was too busy hopping around to notice. "TONG, GET OUTTA THE WAY!" I screamed.

"Huh?" Ling Tong asked, looking at me. "What're you-- ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHH!" he yelled, as Gan Ning kicked him and sent him sprawling... on top of ME.

Do you know how uncomfortable it is to have an ass 2 inches away from your face? Well, I do. It's not pleasant.

"Well, this is awkward," Ling Tong said, rolling over some so I could regain the ability to breathe.

"Easy for you to say," I muttered. "YOU didn't have an ass in your face."

"HEY! Where do you think YOU'RE going?" Tong said angrily, watching (but not being able do anything, of course) as Gan Ning mounted his horse.

"I am out of here. I'm sick of you crazy Wu people!" Gan Ning said angrily.

"Ha. WIMPY WIMPY WIM- Ow!" Ling Tong whined, when the rock Gan Ning chucked at him bounced off his forehead.

"Ow! That hurt, you fcking asshole!" Ling Tong wailed.

"Oh, shut up!" Gan Ning said, kicking his horse so he could get away faster.

"That hurt... but at least he's gone," Ling Tong said. "Next time I see him, he's dead meat! I swear!"

I groaned a little. "Ugh... Tong, for the hundredth time, get off me!"

"Then untie me already! It's not too easy to move like this!" he complained.

"Alright, scoot over a bit..." I sat up and frantically untied the bonds around Ling Tong's wrists. "Geez... this has gotta be the hardest triple-knot I've ever had to get out of anything..." I muttered. "There we go!"

"Sweet freedom," Ling Tong said, rubbing his wrists. "Ouch."

I hadn't noticed how close we were until we both looked up and yelped a little, scooting backward some. "Uh..."

"Sorry," Ling Tong said, scooting away. "Shang Xiang, you know... you do know how pretty I think you are, right?"

I blushed. "I...uh... nobody ever calls me pretty," I said, wishing my face wasn't turning pink.

"Well, you are. I know how random that was, I just thought you might want to know..." Ling Tong said, avoiding eye contact.

"What was THAT?" I said, changing the subject and trying to look terrified. I was a bad liar.

"I didn't hear anything..."

"AHHHHHHHH! HOW CAN YOU NOT HEAR THAT?" I screamed, trying to get up and falling over due to my leg.

"Well, even if there is something I'm still tied together!" Ling Tong wailed, freaking out in the face of adversity as usual. "Help me out!"

I grabbed a piece of the rope and pulled it, and strangely enough, the rope came untied. "That idiot pirate tied it like a shoelace!" I said, grabbing Ling Tong's hand and pulling him up.

"Why didn't I notice that?" Tong wondered.

"Who cares. Let's go already, Quan's probably worried sick about what happened to us..." I said, standing up and toppling over.

Ling Tong caught me and helped me stand up. "Yeah... probably wondering what happened to my father, too..." he said bitterly.

Since his arm was already around my waist to steady me, I wrapped one of my arms around Tong's shoulder to cheer him up some. "Tong, it'll be alright..." I said, smiling at him. "I lost both my brother and my dad... it's rough, but it gets better after some time. I promise."

I shuddered a little remembering the day my father died. In fact, Tong had been there for me that day, hugging me and trying to cheer me up. I owed him now more than ever; to make him feel a little less bad I wrapped my other arm around his chest and hugged him. "C'mon... let's head back to the camp. Everything'll be better in the morning."

"Alright... you need help walking?" Tong asked, grabbing my hand to help keep my arm on his shoulder, (and for other reasons, but I wasn't bringing that up.) "Come on... let's just get back to the camp," I said, exhausted.

"OK."

* * *

Chapter done. The next chapter will wrap up the Battle at Xia Kou. :D And tell me what you want to see next! 


	7. War really Sucks

Disclamer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors, and neither do you. Unless you're a Koei executive... cause if you do, you rock. :P

Author's Note: No more biographies until further notice, so here's back to where we left off: a beat-up and exhausted Ling Tong and SSX are heading back to the main camp after a long battle with Gan Ning.

* * *

"Ow..." I groaned, landing on my bad leg.

"Shang Xiang, are you alright?" Ling Tong asked, concerned.

"Yeah, Tong, I'm fine..." I muttered. Every time I said "ow", Ling Tong would stop and make sure I was okay. Got a little tiresome after the first few times.

"Ugh... I just want to get back to the camp. Maybe all of this is just a bad dream..." Tong said sadly. "Once I get you back to the camp, I'm going to try and find my father's body... it's the least I can do for him." I didn't know what to say, except for the usual. "I'm here if you need me, Tong... any time you want to talk about anything, you know where to find me."

"Yeah... thanks, Shang Xiang..." Tong mumbled. I sighed. He was so sad, I would do almost anything to bring Ling Cao back myself... but that was damn near impossible. One of the terrible things about war was the losses...

"Well, at least we made it in one piece," Tong said. "Come on... let's get your leg bandaged up..." We headed through the camp gates. A few troops offered to help us get to the healer tent, but we shook them off. "We'll be fine," I grumbled. I hated having people fussing over me. (I hated having Ling Tong worrying about me, too, but he's my friend, so I forgive him. I don't forgive my stupid brother. You suck, Quan!)

A soldier led us to the healer tent, where 2 lady guards were pacing about, waiting for more injured soldiers. "Aieee! Lord Ling Tong! Oh, and Lady Sun." one said, saying my name quite unenthusiastically. "Have you been injured?"

"I haven't, but Shang Xiang has," Ling Tong said, pulling my arm off his shoulder and setting me down on the 2-person sized camp bed.

"Alright, stretch out your leg, Lady Sun," said one of the guards, fishing out the leg wrap. I glanced up at Ling Tong, who was shaking off the other lady guard (he didn't know it, but the majority of the women in Wu had crushes on him. He even had a fanclub, which he didn't know existed) and grinned up at him.

"C'mon, Tong, you can sit down if you want," I said, patting the bed. Ling Tong's face turned red as he shook the lady guard off him again ("I'm fine! Get offa me!") and shook his head, looking embarassed. "No way, Shang Xiang. Not decent."

"Oh come on, look at you, you're beat. Quit being a baby," I replied. Ling Tong looked like he wanted to sit down, but shook his head. "No. What if your brother walks by and thinks I'm molesting you or something?"

"Then I'll tell him, A, I'm not being molested, B, We're just friends, C, Mind your own business. and D, get the hell out of my tent." I said. Ling Tong rolled his eyes and sat down at the foot of the bed. "Alright... but if Lord Sun Quan sees me, it's YOUR fault! Not mine!"

The lady guard nurses looked severly jealous, (but if they liked Ling Tong, they could have him, since I don't like him like THAT anymore-- if I ever did) and left the tent without any good wishes. My leg was bandaged up, though, so I didn't care.

Ling Tong groaned and flopped back so he was lying down. "Ugh... today just sucked," he mumbled. I had to agree. "Yeah it did. It'll be good to get home, though."

"...Shang Xiang, do you think... if I had been more careful I could have saved my father?"

"Ling Tong, please... just stop talking about it," I pleaded. He sat up. "What do you mean, "stop talking about it?" I have to talk about it, Shang Xiang! I can't just say, "Oh, okay, time to put it behind me," or something stupid like that. He was my father! I thought you, of all people, would understand how I'm feeling!"

I guess I had a hurt look on my face, because Ling Tong's angry expression softened and he took one of my hands in his. "I'm sorry, Shang Xiang... I'm just frustrated... I shouldn't be taking all this hostility out on you, of all people..." he muttered. I smiled at him. "It's alright. I promise, the pain'll go away after a while... don't get me wrong, you still miss them like crazy, but... soon you'll be able to accept he's gone and move on with your life."

Ling Tong gave my hand a squeeze and dropped it, then wrapped his arms around me and hugged me unexpectedly. I was quite suprised, but softened up and hugged him back, trying to make him feel better. "Shang Xiang... did you... did that disgusting pirate really kiss you?" he whispered, squeezing me a little tighter.

I wasn't going to lie to my best friend. "...yeah. He did." Ling Tong swore under his breath angrily, and I could understand why. "Did you kiss him back?" Ling Tong said, looking at me in the eyes now. This time I didn't have to feel guilty. "No, I didn't. He was on and off me so fast I didn't even know what hit me."

"Good." Ling Tong still hadn't let me go, but I didn't mind. I hugged him tighter. "You still remember... when I hit you in the face when we were little kids, right?"

"Yeah I do. I don't think I can forget that... it wasn't even my fault, your brother said he'd give me some candy if I went over to you and kissed you on your mouth."

"And I punched you in the face," I said, laughing.

"Yeah. I had a black eye for a week, and a scar on my ego for the rest of my life," Ling Tong said. We were quiet for a little while, just sitting in each other's embrace.

"Shang Xiang... If I tried to kiss you now, would you still hit me in the face?" he asked.

"What? I, uh-" I was cut off by Ling Tong kissing me, right on my mouth. (AN: Oh you saw that coming.)

He pulled away quickly, probably scared that I'd kill him, but before he completely lost his nerve I grabbed his shoulders, pulled him towards me and kissed him on his mouth, knocking him flat on his back on the bed. He didn't seem to mind; instead he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him.

He was nervous, I was shy, but the second our lips hit it that all disappeared. My mind kept yelling at me, "He's your best friend! What are you doing! Get off of him! This is WRONG!" but hey, I didn't care. Sure, the thought of kissing my best friend SEEMED wrong, but it felt so right.

We stayed like that, in our happy little together moment, until the sound of the tent flap flying open was heard. I pulled away from Ling Tong almost immediately, and he sat up with a groan. Zhou Tai, in the flesh, was standing there, with a disgusted look on his face.

"What?" I asked sheepishly.

"I come in here to ask for reinforcements, and this is what I find," Zhou Tai grunted. "Ling Tong... assist Lord Sun Quan. NOW!"

With that, my brother's annoying self-proclaimed guardian grunted again and strode from the room.

"Heh heh... sorry about that," Ling Tong said, rubbing the back of his head and looking embarassed.

I grinned shyly and looked down at the ground. "Don't mention it... well, enough of that. We better go help my stupid brother."

We got up, me wincing a little when I landed on my leg. Ling Tong grabbed his nunchakus and made to leave, and I grabbed his hand. He turned around, looking embarrassed again, and I grinned at him.

"Just so you know... that was a lot better than anything Gan Ning could do," I said, blushing all the while.

Ling Tong's old smile flashed for a brief second. "Yeah, well, it probably wasn't much to beat," he said. I still had his hand, and he pulled me along. "Come on, before Lord Sun Quan dies..."

* * *

"Damn it! How are we supposed to get into that fortress?" I said angrily.

"Like THIS!" Ling Tong screamed, charging the gate troop standing guard outside of the fortress. "I coulda thought of that," I muttered, then half ran, half limped over to where Ling Tong was whacking everyone in sight with his nunchakus.

"THERE WE GO!" Ling Tong said triumphantly, after successfully defeating the five men guarding the gate.

"Uh... Tong, how do we get in if you just slaughtered the men in charge?" I asked.

"Shoot... I don't know," Ling Tong said.

"HEY! LET US IN!" I screamed, pounding the door with our fists.

"Why would I do that?" a voice on the other side said.

"SO WE CAN TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!" I screamed.

"Hah, fat chance!" The voice replied.

"Nice job, Shang Xiang," Ling Tong said sarcastically.

"Well, what do YOU suggest we do?" I said, getting frustrated.

"I could throw you over the gate, then you could open it from the other side," Ling Tong suggested.

"Uh, naw, that's not such a good i- HEY! PUT ME DOWN, I NEVER AGREED TO THAT! TONG! PUT ME DOWN!" I screamed, since Ling Tong picked me up anyways.

"Oh shut up, do you want to get in or not?" Ling Tong said. "I'm not going to miss... what's the worse that'll happen?"

I looked at the top of the gates, which were topped with barbed wire. "I dunno... I could either fall and break my neck, or be stabbed to death by the barbed wire! YOUR CHOICE!" I screamed.

"75 chance of death, 25 of survival. I like taking risks," Ling Tong said, preparing to throw me over the fence.

"NO! HAVE MERCY! DON'T DO IT!" I screamed, clinging on to Ling Tong's back and pretty much anything I could hold on to. "LEMME GO! HELP!" I grabbed a handful of Ling Tong's girly little ponytail and yanked on it.

"OW! LEGGO MY HAIR!" Ling Tong yelled. "THEN PUT ME DOWN, YA BIG JERK!" I screamed, now holding on for dear life.

(Yes, this is quite the scene.)

I assume to any bystanders who had no idea what was going on right now, this sight would look rather... disturbing. And unfortunately, lo and behold, Zhou friggen' Tai galloped by and witnessed the insanity.

"I'm not going to say anything," he said.

"ZHOU TAI! DON'T LET HIM THROW ME!" I screamed.

Zhou Tai looked disgusted. "If you two are done eloping, I'd appriciate your assistance," he growled.

"WHAT? I'M NOT ELOPING HIM!" I screamed. "HE'S TRYING TO THROW ME OVER A FENCE!"

"YEAH! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT ELOPING MEANS AND I'M PISSED OFF!" Ling Tong screamed.

I groaned and whispered the definition in his ear. "Oh. WELL, IF I WAS GONNA ELOPE HER I'D DO IT WITHOUT MY CLOTHES ON!" Ling Tong screamed. "I mean... uh..."

(AN: This is a very loud fic. I just realized the people are screaming at each other.)

No comment. Zhou Tai's look of disgust upgraded into one of pure revulsion. "Yeah... I'm getting away from you two..."

I slapped my forehead angrily. "Tong, you're a dumbass..."

Zhou Tai grabbed the door handle (which I hadn't noticed) and pulled on it. The door opened as though it wasn't even there. "DAMMIT! Why didn't I see that?" Ling Tong wondered.

"Because you were too busy thinking dirty thoughts," Zhou Tai said with a smirk.

"Zhou Tai, I dislike you with great intensity," Ling Tong said, obviously resisting the urge to grab Zhou Tai and murder him.

"I don't care. I have a Lord to save," Zhou Tai said, galloping into the fortress.

Not even a minute later, an "ARRRGH!" was heard, and Ling Tong and I ran in. Typically enough, the only decent warrior Wu had left had been shot down in the only vulnerable place of his body, his arm.

"Ugh..." Zhou Tai groaned, ripping the arrow out of his arm with a horrible squelching noise. I winced horribly.

"I would say something right about now about karma, but I don't want to be shot," Ling Tong said, while helping Zhou Tai up, and turned to me. "Shang Xiang, get him to the medic tent!"

"YOU do it!" I cried. "My brother's over there!"

"Shang Xiang, come ON! What if that's Gan Ning over there!" Ling Tong said angrily.

"It's not that far, YOU hurry up and go!" I said angrily.

"No! You go!"

"Ow," Zhou Tai growled. "You kids go ahead and argue while I bleed to death, alright?"

Sarcastic asshole. "Shang Xiang, please," Ling Tong whined. "Come on, hurry up!"

"No! He's my big brother!" I said angrily, referring to Quan.

"Excuse me," Zhou Tai growled.

"Hey, butt out, will you?" I screamed, rearing on Zhou Tai. "Yeah, shut up! Mind your own business!" Ling Tong added.

We both looked at each other and said, in unison, "Alright, I'll go."

"No, I'LL go," Ling Tong said. "You go save Sun Quan, Shang Xiang."

"No way! What if that is Gan Ning again?" I asked. "I don't want your last chance of revenge to get wasted by me!"

"Shang Xiang, seriously, I don't mind--"

"THAT DOES IT," Zhou Tai screamed, the loudest reaction I've ever heard from him in my entire history of living. "I'LL WALK MYSELF THERE."

"Sheesh, what's got his boxers in a bundle?" Ling Tong asked, as Zhou Tai stormed off, muttering words under his breath I never knew before. I shrugged. "Don't know, don't care. COME ON, LET'S GO SAVE MY BROTHER!"

* * *

Sun Quan was, as usual, up to his ears in danger, surrounded by hundreds of troops, and, unfortunately, we were blocked off thanks to the miles of wooden fences blocking the way to the center. (basically the fortress is where Rampage mode in DW5 takes place, with the weaving of the fences)

"Alright, I've got a plan," I said to Ling Tong.

"Me too!"

"YOU'VE got a plan..? What is it?"

"To listen to your plan!"

I smacked Ling Tong on the arm. "Good plan. You go that way, I'll go that way. Got it?"

"Ouch, and got it."

We ran off in our seperate directions, both trying to get to my isolated brother the fastest. Unfortunately Ling Tong beat me there. "HEY!" I said angrily. "Wait for ME!"

"All I'm saying is, women and directions!" Ling Tong yelled, running over to the troops surrounding my brother.

"HEY! GET BACK HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU!" I screamed angrily.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity in weaving between the fences, I lost patience and climbed over them. Ling Tong had fought off some of the men surrounding Sun Quan, and all that was left was him, Quan, the enemy general who was talking to my brother... and maybe a hundred dozen soldiers.

"Hey!" Ling Tong said, turning around to see me. "You finally made it!"

"Yeah, no thanks to YOU! C'mon, let's clean up this cannon fodder!" I said, thirsty for blood.

"Alright, you take that side, I take this side!" Ling Tong yelled, charging the side he picked.

"No fair! You got a head start!" I yelled. Even though we were best friends, we always had the urge to compete on the battlefield. (much to the dismay of our enemies.)

"Yeah? Well, see if you can catch up, Princess!" Ling Tong yelled, smacking someone with his nunchaku.

"FINE! Hope you brought a fork, because you're gonna be eating my dust!" I slashed one troop across the chest and kicked him, knocking him over. "One down!" I yelled, slashing another in the throat. "Two!"

Ling Tong's attacks were faster than mine, but when I was angry I killed anyone in a 2-way radius of me. And boyyy, was I mad. "Hey, Tong! Having trouble keeping up?"

"Nooope! How 'bout you, Princess?" he yelled, killing another guy.

"I'm fine! But, y'know, this is pretty boring! What do you say we make this a little more interesting?" I yelled, slashing some guy trying to pull a fast one.

"Sure, OK! What do you have in mind?" Tong asked, hitting some troop who tried to sneak up on him in the face.

"Let's switch weapons! I wanna try your nunchakus out!" I yelled.

"Alright! Catch! And try not to hit yourself!" Ling Tong yelled, tossing me the nunchakus. I caught them and threw my chakrams to him.

"Whoa! Watch it!" Tong yelled, catching the chakrams. "How the hell do I use these things?"

"Just throw 'em! Ow!" I whined, hititng myself on the head with the nunchakus. "Heeeeya!" I thwacked a couple people in the face, and hit myself in the nose. "Ouch."

Ling Tong, on the other hand, seemed to be a natural with the chakrams. I would never admit it, but he was almost as good as I was! Well, he was better with the damn chakrams than I was with his stupid weapon.

"God dammit, Tong, quit KILLING PEOPLE!" I yelled angrily, succeeding in hitting myself in the eye (again). "Whose stupid idea was this?"

"Quit the whining, Shang Xiang! You're just mad because I kick more ass with your weapon than you do!"

"NOBODY KICKS MORE ASS THAN SUN SHANG XIANG!" I screamed.

"Yeah, whatever! Just try to keep up!"

"...um, are they always like this?" The enemy general whose troops Tong and I were slaughtering asked.

"Yup." Quan said, rolling his eyes.

Finally, a few minutes later, Tong and I cleared the entire fortress of enemy soldiers, yelling sarcastic remarks and cheap insults at each other the whole time. (he mainly killed all the troops, I was sporting a lovely black eye thanks to the stupid nunchakus)

"Hey, would you look at that? Ling Tong scores again! And with a girly weapon, none the less!" Ling Tong said, surveying the area now littered with blood and corpses.

"HEY, pal, for every person YOU kill, I obliterate 10 more at the same time! And of course YOU'D be good with a girly weapon, you're a girly man!" I snapped. I didn't take losing very well, especially when the contest was MY idea.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK! NOBODY CALLS ME A GIRLY MAN AND LIVES!" Ling Tong screamed, quite angry. (it always pisses him off when someone calls him girly.)

"Oh look, I'm Ling Tong," I said, mocking him. "Does my hair look okay? Look at me, with my purdy nunchaku-thingies! OW!" I attempted to flail the nunchakus again and ended up whacking myself on the OTHER eye.

"Well, LOOK AT ME, I'm Sun Shang Xiang the man-lady! Act like a civilized female? Nooo way! I'm too busy acting like a guy! Hell, half the people in Wu don't even know if I really AM a girl!" Ling Tong said, mocking me in return.

Apparently the enemy general had had enough of our senseless bickering, and yelled, "ALRIGHT, THAT DOES IT! I DON'T GET PAID ENOUGH TO PUT UP WITH THIS!" He walked over to Ling Tong, who was still trying to act like me, ("HEY! What do you think you're doing?") and stabbed him in the lower chest.

"OW!" Ling Tong yelled angrily, grabbing his chest and sinking to the ground. "YOU... YOU... YOU BIG JERK! The part that really bugs me is that I didn't see it coming!"

"HAH! You have been officially owned by Cai Mao!" The general, apparently named Cai Mao, said.

Not being able to stay angry at my friend while he was on the ground bleeding, I ran over to him. "Tong, are you okay?"

"Yeah, just splendid," Ling Tong said sarcastically, trying to stop the blood from pouring. "Ugh, go kill that guy already! I'm bleeding here!"

"Alright, but... you know I didn't mean any of those horrible things I said about you, right?"

"Yeah, whatever... quit sucking up and go kill him.." Tong muttered.

"No, seriously! If you die, I want you to know I'm sorry!"

"I'M NOT GOING TO DIE! GO KILL HIM!"

"Geez, fine! I was only trying to be-"

"GO! And take your stupid chakrams!"

I rolled my eyes, grabbed my chakrams, and stormed over to Cai Mao. "Quan, get Tong outta here! I'll take care of this loser!"

"You got it, Shang Xiang. Good luck, sister," Quan said, hurrying over to Ling Tong. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"DO I-- WHAT DO YOU-- NO, I AM NOT ALRIGHT!" Ling Tong screamed furiously. "I'd LIKE to get out of here before I BLEED TO DEATH!"

"I'll have you know screaming furiously at the emperor is a crime! So shut up!" Quan said, puffing his chest out, trying to look emperor-esque.

"I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE! JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Ling Tong bellowed.

"Geez, fine, don't get your briefs in a bunch. And you can kiss your Christmas bonus goodbye, pal!" Quan growled, helping Ling Tong up and half-supporting, half-dragging him out.

I rolled my eyes and turned back to Cai Mao. "As for you, you're going down! Don't think it's gonna be easy just 'cause I'm a woman, either!"

Cai Mao snickered. "Yeah, well, I certainly hope you know who you're dealing with! HRAH!" He yelled, swinging his sword at me.

Compared to Gan Ning's swordplay, this guy was about as skilled as a three-year-old. I blocked almost easily with my chakrams. "Oh please. See if you can make me break a sweat," I said.

"Grr... CAI MAO LOSES TO NO ONE!" Cai Mao screamed, bringing his blade down. I blocked as fast as I could, and Cai Mao's leg swung out of nowhere and kicked me in the stomach, knocking me down.

"Ow... guess you're not as weak as you look," I said, standing up and coughing. I swung my chakrams again, this time breaking his guard so he was wide open for punishment. I successfully slashed across his armor, which cracked under the pressure of my attack.

"You sneaky little brat! You won't have my head!" Cai Mao said, and, regaining his sword, swung at me, slashing my arm. "Ow!" I yelled angrily, and slashed him, without thinking, across the first area my chakrams could hit, his face.

I gasped in horror as Cai Mao's blood shot out from his wound. "Y-you... you... I can't believe it!" He gasped, blood pouring down his face.

I could almost hear my deceased brother Ce's voice, yelling to me, "Finish it, Shang Xiang! Do it now!"

"That does it! I've had enough of you Sun family animals! RETREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" Cai Mao screamed, for no particular reason, as his troops had been previously slaughtered by Tong and I.

As he ran, I knew I should finish him off, but I was exhausted. He's not a threat anymore, I told myself. He wouldn't dare try anything... what the?

Cai Mao stopped suddenly, then turned around and snickered at me. "This is the end, you little brat! Once this place catches fire, there's no escape for you!"

"Wh-what? Fire?" I yelled. "How can you start a fire?"

I didn't know how, but somehow, Cai Mao managed to set the entire fortress on fire. "Oh no, I have to get out of here!" I cried, damning myself for having mercy on him. I made a break for the exit, but as the door sealed shut behind Cai Mao's fleeing figure, I realized I was doomed. I had enough trouble getting through the maze at the front of the fortress before; how would I get out NOW?

"Father, brother... lend me your strength! I'm gonna need it!" I said, taking a deep breath, and charging into the flames. As expected, the flames were hot, burning, and I could feel myself growing hotter and hotter. To make matters worse, my stupid leg was aching, and I wasn't going to be able to keep this up. I evaded one of the crashing fence structures, and with some of the last of my energy, I screamed, "SOMEBODY, HELP ME!"

The fact that the smoke was clouding my thoughts and my vision also wasn't helping. I thought I heard the door crashing down... but it was probably nothing. I collapsed to the ground, my chakrams fell from my hands and my eyes closed... but before everything blacked out, I heard the sound of... bells?

* * *

AN: Ouch, my hands hurt. It's friggen 11:52 PM and I want sleep. :( TTYL, folks, PLEASE review! I'm not updating until I get 10 more reviews! 


	8. Bye bye, Huang Zu

**Disclaimer: Still own nuthin'. Please send money. D**

**AN: Can't think of anything. :P The battle sequence is following DW4, (y'know, Battle of Xia Kou, Attack of the Nanmans, Battle of Chi Bi) so the next battle in line is Attack of the Nanmans. Just so ya know. **

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Ugh... where the hell am I?

I sat up and noticed I was sitting in a nice soft bed, with Quan leaning over me, looking concerned. "Shang Xiang! Are you alright?" he asked.

"Quan.. what the hell happened? Did Cai Mao kill me? Am I dead?" I asked, rubbing my head.

"No, he didn't, and you're NOT dead. Cai Mao trapped you in the fortress and set it on fire, but this young man heard your screams and broke the door down. He made his way through the inferno in there and he saved your life, Shang Xiang. You owe Gan Ning your life."

"WHAT?" I screamed. "GAN NING rescued me?"

"You bet I did," a voice said, and Gan Ning in the flesh walked into my tent. "I heard screaming, so I figured, why not do something nice for once? So I busted in there, found you unconcious, and carried you back to your tent."

"Thank you," I said stiffly. "I'll try to remember this when my leg finally heals." I got off the bed, jammed my feet into my shoes and made to storm out, but Quan grabbed my arm.

"Shang Xiang, what are you talking about?" he asked.

"You see my leg, Quan? I got into a fight with your beloved Lord Gan Ning and he knocked me over quite roughly, causing my leg to snap," I snarled. "Now if you'll excuse me."

"Yeah? Have you seen my arm lately, you little--" Gan Ning cut himself off, probably remembering he was standing in front of the Wu emperor. "I mean, I'm terribly sorry, m'lady. Please forgive me."

Two words: SUCKING UP. I swallowed my fury and said, "Fine."

"Oh, and that reminds me. What happened to your boyfriend?" Gan Ning asked. "Was he stuck in that fire with you? Because if he was, I didn't get him."

"Ling Tong is NOT my boyfriend," I snarled. Oh yeah. "Quan, where is he? Is he alright?"

"He's fine," Quan said. "I took him to the medic tent and according to the guard in there, he was tired so he went to sleep. Oh, and the guard insisted that he was to have no visitors, since he was "very tired"."

"Alright then, I'll go see him right now," I said, properly tying my shoes so I didn't trip.

"Um, she insisted he have no visitors," Quan repeated, but I shrugged.

"Quan, I've met this woman. She nearly knocked me out of the way just so she could look at him. If she's insisting on no visitors, she's probably molesting him or something." I said, pushing Gan Ning out of the way.

"Hey, watch where you're going, woman," Gan Ning growled. He took another look at me. "You ARE a woman, right?" he said and laughed.

This guy was truly an idiot. He blantantly hits on me, and then he questions whether or not I am female. "Get out of the way," I snapped, and stormed off.

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"I'm sorry, Lady Sun, but Lord Ling Tong's asleep," the lady guard from before said. "Besides, what's to see? He's asleep."

"So? I'm not gonna wake 'em up! I just wanna see him!" I said. "Move it, by orders of the emperor!"

The lady guard rolled her eyes and, very reluctantly, let me in. Sure enough, Tong was sleeping, (I noticed his clothes lying on the ground-- ew!) and I walked over to him and, risking my eyesight here, pushed the blanket out of the way. Alright, he still had his pants on. Whew.

At least the stupid woman managed to bandage him up right. "Hey, these bandages are all bloody," I said, pointing.

"Huh? Oh, that's alright. Bleeding is natural," the guard said, not removing her line of vision from Ling Tong's chest.

I leaned down and poked Ling Tong on the shoulder. "You're awake," I hissed.

"You caught me," Ling Tong said, sitting up and grinning at me. I glanced up at the lady guard. "Can you excuse us?"

"Y-yeah... whatever..." the guard said, stomping out.

"Alright, get up and get dressed," I said. "Unless you want this crazy woman molesting you any longer."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm getting up," Tong said, hopping out of his bed and pulling his shirt back on. "So what's going on? Did you kill Cai Mao?"

"No. I beat the hell out of him, even threatened to kill him... but I felt sorry for him at the end and I let him escape." I said, as we left the tent.

"Bad idea, Shang Xiang. You can't show anyone mercy on the battlefield."

"Yeah, well, I learned that the hard way. It's a long, painful story. So, tell me," I said, changing the subject, "How many times did that crazy woman try to molest you?"

"Only once, believe it or not," Ling Tong said. "I caught her the 1st time, when she was trying to pull my pants off. I stopped pretending to be asleep and told her flat out that there's nothing wrong with the contents of my pants and I'd prefer to keep them up."

I smiled. Knowing Ling Tong, that wasn't what he said, but I didn't care. "I'm just glad this stupid battle is over. I'm getting bored with it," I said.

"Oh yeah? Are you going to sneak out to fight in the next one, too?"

"No," I said, grinning, "I'm gonna storm up to my brother and DEMAND he let me fight in the next one!"

"You WANT more wars? I'm perfectly okay with peace time, to be honest. All this fighting is murdering me."

"And your father," said the irritating, insensitive, and more familiar by the minute voice of Gan Ning, who was walking over to us. "Kid, I'm awful sorry 'bout that. I never woulda killed the guy had I known his son was an unstable nutcase."

I had already grabbed onto Ling Tong's arm to prevent him from killing Gan Ning, but when I heard the unstable nutcase part, I let go and Ling Tong didn't hesitate to pound him in the face.

Watching the two of them try to kill each other was quite amusing, until my killjoy of a brother came up next to me. "Hello, Shang Xiang," Quan said, nodding to me. "I see you've reconciled with Lord Gan Ning."

"Say WHAT?" I asked. "He's right there! Tong's killing him!" Right now Gan Ning had a handful of Ling Tong's brown hair and was pulling on it, and Ling Tong was kicking him in the leg. Quan apparently realized "this was a bad thing" and screamed, "STOP IT!" quite loudly.

Ling Tong got up, reluctantly, and I grabbed him by his arm before he toppled over. Judging by the increasing bloody stain on his clothes, I figured his wound opened up again, since that stupid woman was too busy gawking at him to bandage him up right.

"Sorry, Lord Sun Quan. This stupid kid just attacked me and his girlfriend didn't stop him. Maybe you all should get outta here before Huang Zu gets back!" Gan Ning said, running his hand through his spiky brown hair. "That is, unless you got the guts to take Huang Zu on yourselves!" he added, glaring at us.

"Ugh... Shang Xiang, leggo!" Ling Tong whined, trying to break free.

I stood my ground. "No. Calm down or your wound is going to get worse."

"Who cares? It's just a stupid little scrape! Now lemme go so I can KILL HIM!"

"Ling Tong, shut up.Gan Ning, I-- Gan Ning? Where the hell did he go?" Quan asked.

"Hopefully he fell off a cliff and is lying somewhere bleeding to death," Tong growled. I couldn't help myself and laughed a little.

"Nah, screw that. I don't want Gan Ning to fall off a cliff."

"You don't? Tong, are you feeling okay?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm fine. I want to THROW HIM OFF the cliff. His death won't be as satisfying if he simply falls off one."

"You're crazy, you know that?"

"HEY! Shang Xiang, Ling Tong, SHUT UP!" Sun Quan said. "Instead of standing there flirting all day, maybe the two of you should help Gan Ning find Huang Zu! That's probably what he went to do, y'know!"

Before I could interject, a nasty voice yelled, "Who needs to find Huang Zu, when HE'S ALREADY HERE?"

Sure enough, Huang Zu in the flesh showed up, arrogant and sneering as ever. "Well if it isn't Sun Quan and his feeble little generals. I'll finish you off the same way I killed your father, you stupid, pathetic excuse for an emperor!"

"I'm gonna kill you for saying that, you--" I was caught off by Ling Tong grabbing my arm. "Hey! Lemme go!" I said angrily.

"No. You don't even have your weapons with you," Tong said, keeping a firm grip on me.

"SO? I don't need my chakrams! That bastard killed my father!" I nearly screamed, then stopped. Ling Tong knew exactly how I felt right now, what it was like to be looking into the face of your father's murderer and being restrained for your own good. I reluctantly sighed and stood down. "Dammit. Tong, how do you always know what I'm thinking?"

"Because it's never too hard to figure out."

Huang Zu turned to me and Ling Tong. "Once I've destroyed your pathetic emperor, what will I do with you two? The boy'll make a good cleaning maid, (Ling Tong yelled in outrage) and as for the girl, I could always use another concubine. God knows how I'm running through with-- HEY!" he yelled, feeling the impact as the pair of nunchakus I threw at him hit him in the face.

"Asshole," I snarled, ignoring Ling Tong's annoyed complaining since I just disarmed him by throwing his nunchakus. "Sun Shang Xiang is NOBODY's concubine!"

"Sun Shang Xiang? So you're Sun Jian's daughter! All the more reason for me to crush you both! Your scumbag father went down easily, and I'm sure you will too!" Huang Zu yelled.

"You god damned son of a BITCH!" Sun Quan screamed. "GO GET HIM, LING TONG!"

Before Ling Tong could do anything, (like complain) a familiar face yelled, from the top a nearby attack base, "Yo, Huang Zu!"

We all looked up. "Hey! It's that jerk Gan Ning! Again!" I yelled. Ling Tong growled and looked like he was ready to grab Gan Ning and rip him apart.

"Gan Ning? What the hell do YOU want?" Huang Zu asked. "Go kill the Wu scum!"

"Yeah, about that. I'm done letting a slimepot like you boss me around. Gan Ning doesn't listen to anyone!"

"Oh really? Well, Huang Zu doesn't take any garbage from worthless pirates!" Huang Zu snarled.

"Hey, it's you again!" Gan Ning said, noticing me. "I thought I told you and your boyfriend there to get out of here!"

"He is NOT my boyfriend!" I said angrily. "I don't take orders from you, you murdering scumbag!" Ling Tong said at the same time.

Gan Ning chuckled. "Yeah, well, feel free to stick around for the show, ladies. Sun Quan, I'll take care of this. I'd hate for you to get your hands dirty." He turned to Huang Zu and pointed his sword at him. "Huang Zu, I'm sick of you! Give me my paycheck already so I can quit your stinking army!"

Huang Zu looked enraged. "Over my dead body!"

"That can be arranged," Gan Ning said with a smirk. "C'mon, if you're not gonna pay me, you better crawl off your horse and fight me like a man!"

"GET HIM!" Huang Zu screamed at the elite troops surrounding him.

The troops looked at Huang Zu like he was on drugs. "Tch! No way in hell! You don't pay us enough to fight against Gan Ning!"

"Yeah! He'll kill us! Just like he did to that poor general, Ping Lao, or whatever it was!"

Oh no. I turned to Ling Tong, hoping he didn't pick it up, but instead he looked confused. "Ping Lao? Geez, what a stupid name. Some guys get all the rotten luck."

I rolled my eyes. Men are idiots.

"So much for your elite troops, Huang Zu," Gan Ning said with a sneer. I noticed a big red gash across Gan Ning's arm, the same one I made before, and felt a twinge of guilt. Then I glanced back over at Ling Tong and the guilt evaporated.

"Grr... I don't need my troops to kill a slimeball like you, Gan Ning! HRAH!" Huang Zu swung his blade at Gan Ning, who blocked easily.

"Geez... you can fight better than Huang Zu can, Shang Xiang," Ling Tong commented.

"So?" I asked.

"Meaning, sorry I held you back earlier, you could have taken him."

"Aw, don't sweat it. Gan Ning's gonna kill him anyways."

Gan Ning and Huang Zu fought a little more, pretty evenly matched. "Tch... Gan Ning, you can fight better than I gave you credit for! I'll give you that!" Huang Zu snarled angrily.

"Oh whatever. Save your second rate compliments 'til after I've beaten your lousy butt," Gan Ning said. "I don't have all day, so if you'll just lean over so I can kill you, that'd be great."

I could almost sense the anger rising in Ling Tong. I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed it, trying to make him calm down.

Gan Ning kicked Huang Zu in the stomach, knocking him over. In a last ditch attempt to live, Huang Zu stabbed Gan Ning in the leg with his blade. Gan Ning winced but otherwise didn't seem to feel any pain from the blow.

"Gan Ning, you scumbag! I've been nothing but good to you!"

"Yeah, good to me like how? Treating me like horse shit? 'Accidentally' leaving me and my troops behind every time I win a battle for you? Ordering me around?" Gan Ning said with a snarl. "I'll see you in hell, Huang Zu," he said, and with a swing of his sword Huang Zu's head was cut clean off.

I couldn't help screaming and hiding my face in my hands. I'd seen violence before, and even caused it, but never THAT kind. Ling Tong pulled me in his arms so I didn't have to see anything else. As usual, even though he was standing before his father's murderer, Tong was making sure I was okay.

"You really are an animal," Ling Tong snarled to Gan Ning, hugging me a little tighter. "Is that... is that the same way you killed my father?"

"Who was your father again?" Gan Ning asked, speaking as though discussing the weather. "I'm sorry, I kill so many enemy troops a day I lose track over who's who."

Ling Tong angrily shoved me aside gently and picked up his nunchakus, which were lying on the ground nearby. "Tong, calm down," I said, grabbing his arm.

"Shang Xiang, get off me," he said angrily, shaking me off. No way in hell was I letting go. I wasn't going to let that revolting (yet very handsome) creep cut my best friend's head off.

"Gan Ning... you..." Quan said, standing up. "That is... that has got to be some of the most incredible fighting I've ever seen in my life! How would you like to join Wu?"

Gan Ning raised an eyebrow. "Join Wu, eh? Mmm... I dunno..."

"WHAT? Lord Sun Quan, you're not serious!" Ling Tong, said, trying to break free, but I kept a tight hold. "No way I'm letting go," I said, narrowing my eyes. "I'm not going to let that freak kill you!"

I guess he finally realized that if something happened to him and I had to witness Gan Ning chopping HIS head off, it would mortify me for the rest of my life, so he finally calmed down. "I promise you, though... I WILL kill him, Shang Xiang..."

Gan Ning and my brother, unfortunately, were having a serious discussion about joining Wu. "Hmm... what about her?" Gan Ning asked, pointing towards me.

"What?" Quan asked.

"You're talking about the benefits of being in Wu. What about her? The Princess?"

"I'm not sure I understand the question," Quan said, raising a confused eyebrow.

Ling Tong apparently understood. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder protectively and grabbed his nunchakus with his free hand.

"I'll try to spell this out for you. IF I JOIN WU, I WANT HER. Do we have a deal?" Gan Ning asked.

Quan opened his mouth, but before he did, I did. "Quan, do I have any say in this at ALL?"

"Sure, go ahead," Quan said,

"Good. Because before you go giving me away like I'm some sort of pawn, listen to this-- I would rather kill myself now then be forced to spend the rest of my life with this disgusting idiot. So if you're going to let a jerk like this join (and disgrace!) our ranks, don't expect me to give him ANYTHING, except a chakram to the face. Got it?" I said angrily.

"Sheesh. Fiesty," Gan Ning commented.

Quan shot him a look, and said, "Gan Ning, if you wish to gain my sister's hand in marriage you'll have to prove yourself worthy, like anyone else who wants to marry her will." He turned to Ling Tong. "Ling Tong, I don't know what you have against Gan Ning, but if you attack him one more time I will remove you from your general ranks, and you can forget anything about a promotion. Understood?"

"He killed my father," Ling Tong spat out angrily. "And I refuse to respect a murder like that!" He turned and stormed off.

Quan looked shocked. "Gan Ning, did you really kill Ling Cao?"

Gan Ning looked quite uncomfortable. "Yeah, I did... only because Huang Zu ordered me to! I was following orders from my commander! Kill the enemies, protect your allies!"

"You didn't kill me," I snapped, piping up. "I'm the enemy, too, but you spared my life."

"For the last time, Princess, I don't fight women, especially not Princesses," Gan Ning said.

"Yes, well... all of this, we'll discuss later. Right now, I want you to return to your tents and get some rest for tomorrow, when we return to Wu," Quan said.

"That's the best order you've given all day, Quan," I said, relieved.

Quan turned around and addressed some of the men. "Men, I want you to go out and see if you can recover Ling Cao's body. Hurry and you'll find it before it gets dark. Gan Ning, show the men where you left Ling Cao's body."

"Right. Got it." Gan Ning turned to the troops and yelled, "LET'S GO!" The troops raced off after him.

"Wow. Such impressive charisma," Quan commented. I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, whatever."

"Shang Xiang, maybe you should go check on Ling Tong...?" Quan suggested. I shook my head.

"Quan, I think he wants to be alone now," I said. "He's still pretty upset." I turned and huffed off to bed.

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REVIEW, DAMMT! NO NEXT CHAPTER UNTIL I GET 10 REVIEWS!


	9. Homecoming

Disclaimer: I own nuttin. Get off my back.

AN: Splee, another update miracles DO happen.

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We made it back to the main camp in one piece. Ling Tong was miserable, partly because the carriage that housed Sun Quan on the way here now housed Ling Cao's corpse, which was discovered. Thankfully he had NOT been decapitated or disembowled, merely stabbed, but every now and then I grabbed Ling Tong's shoulder to keep him from attacking Gan Ning.

"Tong, please, will you stop?" I asked, growing weary of restraining him every 10 seconds. "Quan said that if he catches you two fighting, he's charging you of treason and kicking you out of Wu."

"SO?" Ling Tong said angrily.

"So, you're my best friend and I don't want you kicked out of Wu! Who the hell am I gonna hang out with if something happens to you!" I said, just as angry.

"Sorry..." Ling Tong muttered.

I smiled. "That's alright. Listen, there are ways to get back at Gan Ning WITHOUT getting kicked out of Wu."

"Like what?"

"Well, for one, find out what makes him angry, jealous, ect. If you can figure out what he hates the most, and keep pummeling him with it... then his reaction'll be revenge enough."

"...you wanna help me out with that?"

"What do you have in mind?" 

"Well, for one, you could repeat what you just said..." 

"SABOTAGE!" I screamed, causing Tong to jump and everyone around us to look over. "Make him angry! Piss him off! How many times do I HAVE to say it?"

"Shang Xiang, you are a friggen genius! How do you think of this stuff?" Ling Tong said happily.

I shrugged. "Well, y'know, it takes careful planning and consider--" I was interrupted by my friend as he went racing off towards the front of the troops, probably to ask about Gan Ning's weaknesses.

So much for being a genius.

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Once we got back to Wu, it was very late at night. I put all my confused thoughts about Ling Tong, Gan Ning, wars, fighting, and all that to the back of my head as I climbed into my nice soft bed. "Man, this feels good," I said out loud, enjoying the quiet, peaceful tranquility in my room. For once in my life, I wished I didn't have all these large weapons on my walls, especially when one is trying to remove all memories of the battle from their head.

I sighed and rolled over, soon drifting off into a peaceful slumber... which was interrupted by a bang on my door. "Shang Xiang, open up! It's me, Ling Tong!" 

"Alright, come on in," I said, sitting up. Ling Tong came in, looking sad. "Hey. You okay?" he asked, sitting down at the foot of my bed.

"Yeah, just a little tired. Notice how I was sleeping," I replied. "How're you doing?"

"I'm alright. On the way back when I wasn't trying to kill Gan Ning I was thinking about my dad... and, well, I figured he wouldn't want me to be down in the dumps about him dying and all. He'd want me to keep fighting and become a better general than he was."

I smiled. "That's the way to think about it. If you try to stay cheerful, it's less painful then being a sob story about it. Look at your cousins, for example. Xiao Qiao is a little ray of sunshine regardless of what happens; while poor Da's still crying her eyes out about Ce."

"Shang Xiang, that's a little harsh. You know as well as any of us that Da was completely obsessed over your brother."

"I know... but seeing her crying every time she hears the word 'Sun' or the word 'Ce' gets kind of annoying after a while, since when I see HER crying about my brother, it bums the hell out of me, too."

"Yeah, well, I understand completely NOW... anyway, I'm sorry for coming in here so early, I was just kinda lonely." Ling Tong said, turning to leave.

"No problem," I said. "Good night." 

"Good night, Shang Xiang. Sorry I woke you up." Tong left my room and I rolled over to go back to sleep. 

Unfortunately Tong's visit robbed me of any intention I had of sleeping, and I got up and wearily glanced out the window. My large room had a large window, and the part I loved most about my room was the view of the Chang Jiang river, especially when the sun was rising. Now, the sun was still down, and although I didn't mind cheering Tong up I wished he could have come a little later.

That was when my eyebrow raised. What, or who, was that massive ship docked in the river? It wasn't a Wu ship, but it didn't look like a Wei or Shu ship either. My imagination kicked into overdrive as I imagined an unknown enemy force invading us in our sleep, and I ran outside my room, in my sleeping clothes none the less, and raced to the door of the person I KNEW was still wide awake.

"Tong! Ling Tong, let me in!" I hissed, knocking on the door. Ling Tong opened the door, already having undressed and still looking sad. "Huh? Oh, hey, Shang Xia-- what the hell are you wearing?" 

I looked down at my attire and blushed furiously. Boy was I glad there was no one else around. "I could say the same thing, Mr. Underwear, and that's not important. Do you have a view of the river from your room?"

"No, why?" Ling Tong asked, averting his eyes away from the obvious.

"BECAUSE, there's a huge ship I don't recognize just docked out there! Come on, I'll show you!" I said, now getting worried.

"Alright, I'm coming," Tong said, reluctantly pulling his pants on and following after me. "Oh, and Shang Xiang, when we get to your room, put your shorts back on," he said, laughing a little. My face got even more red. "They came off when I was sleeping! I swear!"

When we got back to my room, I pointed out the ship to Ling Tong and while he was looking at it, I pulled a pair of pants on. (DW5 pants) Ling Tong turned around. "Shang Xiang, I dunno WHAT that ship is, but it's probably nothing to worry about. Besides, it's too early and I wanna go to bed," he said.

"What are you talking about? You woke me up! So go get dressed and we're gonna go see what that ship is!"

"Oh no we are NOT, it's probably something bad and I'm gonna get killed! No! I refuse!" Ling Tong said, folding his arms with a scowl.

"Quit being such a pansy," I said, pulling a top I hadn't worn for a while out of my dresser and pulling it on over my night shirt. (DW3 top) I sat down and laced up my red shoes (DW4) and got up. "C'mon, let's go!" (AN: No, she's not supposed to match. Think of how silly she looks here.)

"Then I'm putting some clothes on. I'm not going down in history as the general who saved Wu in his underwear," Ling Tong said, heading back to his room. I rolled my eyes. Men are idiots.

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"Alright, let's go," I said, dragging Ling Tong outside the castle.

"If you're done dislocating my arm, I could probably walk on my own," Ling Tong complained, rubbing his arm.

"Sorry. C'mon, let's go find that ship and find out what it's up to," I said, and we raced off.

The ship was quite large, so it couldn't be one of the smaller Shu ships; yet, it wasn't big enough to be one of the Imperial ones the Wei navy deployed. In fact, the design looked completely different than any I'd ever seen before.

"Well, only one thing to do," I said, and, as quietly as I could, I stepped onto the ship.

"Tong, c'mon," I hissed, but Tong refused. "Uh uh. Something bad's gonna happen, and I don't wanna die, or worse, risk losing that promotion Lord Sun Quan's bound to give me, so how 'bout YOU be the hero, and I'll stand watch?" 

"And you call yourself a man," I scoffed. "Fine, have it your way. But when I save the Wu forces in the dead of night, and my brother finds out tough guy Ling Tong was outside the ship combing his pretty hair, it'll be pretty obvious who gets the promotion."

"Fine, I'll come with you... but if I die, I blame you!" Ling Tong complained, reluctantly getting on board the ship.

We walked on board the main platform, until we got to the cabin entrance. "For a ship, that's a big cabin," I commented.

"Yeah it is. I can't believe how big it-- do you hear that?" Tong asked, interrupting himself.

"N-no... what should I be hearing..?" I asked, taking a step closer to Ling Tong. Although he could be a wimp at times, I trusted him to perservere and make sure whatever the hell in there didn't kill me. (I'm screwed.)

"Shang Xiang... we better get outta here..." Tong said, gripping my arm.

"Y-yeah.. let's go, before whoever's in there figures out he has guests!" I said, turning to leave.

Suddenly the snoring ceased. Then footsteps followed. The footsteps got closer, and closer... and closer... terrified, me and Ling Tong realized the only thing seperating us from the thing in that cabin was a wooden wall, and apparently that made Tong feel about as safe as I did.

"RUN FOR IT!" Tong screamed, and we turned around to run for our lives, when... the door swung open, revealing a tired and confused Gan Ning.

"What the hell?" Gan Ning said, messing up his hair, which seemed a lot flatter than usual. He glanced at me, who was blankly staring at his tanned, muscular, and completely naked body, half of me unable to tear my virgin eyes away. "Oh, man, sorry you had to see that," he said, grabbing his pants and pulling them on over his... thing. Yeah.

"I wasn't looking, I swear," I lied, knowing Ling Tong was probably furious right now.

"YOU? This is YOUR ship?" Ling Tong screamed, me tugging on his arm to get him to quiet down before he woke the whole god damned kingdom up.

"Yeah. It ain't a friggen castle, but it sure gets the job done," Gan Ning said. "So, any particular reason you two decided to visit me in the middle of the night? I was doing a thing called... sleeping? Maybe you've heard of it be-- OW!" he yelled, as Ling Tong thumped him on the head with his nunchakus.

"SHUT UP! Who'd you kill to take this ship? It sure as hell isn't a Wu ship! Poor Shang Xiang here was having NIGHTMARES because she thought we were being INVADED! And it turns out to be friggen YOU!" Ling Tong said angrily.

"Hey!" I said angrily. "NIGHTMARES? What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm with her! What the hell ARE you talking about? I built this ship with my own two hands! And o'course it don't look like a Wu ship, it's a custom design!" Gan Ning said angrily. "And that stupid thing of yours just hurt my head!"

"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CARE?" Tong screamed. "YOU KILLED MY FATHER, YOU SON OF A BITCH! I SHOULD KILL YOU RIGHT NOW, AND I WOULD, EXCEPT YOU'RE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR AND I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH YOU!" 

"Tong, pleeeeeease, shut up!" I whined, clinging to his arm in a desperate attempt to calm him down.

"Shang Xiang, get OFF! Tong said angrily, trying to shake me off.

"No! You're gonna wake the whole damn kingdom up! Shut up!"

"So what? I don't care!" he said angrily, and furiously shook me off.

"Whoa!" I yelped, and since I lost my balance thanks to stupid Ling Tong, I fell backwards into the cold waters of the Chang Jiang river.

I surfaced, cursing Tong with my every breath-- or in this case, sputter. I grabbed the edge of the boat to keep from drowning (even though the water wasn't very deep- maybe up to my elbows) and climbed back on.

"Sorry, Shang Xiang! Are you okay?" Tong asked, running over to me.

"Yeah... no thanks to YOU, you stupid half-wit!" I screamed, smacking him on the head and knocking him overboard.

"Aaaaaah!" Tong wailed, falling into the water.

Gan Ning whistled. (at me) "Ooh, beautiful and fiesty. I like that in a woman." 

I glared at him for the fiesty remark, then stopped. "You really think I'm beautiful?" I asked, blushing a little.

"Hey, I'm not gonna lie to you, I think you're gorgeous," Gan Ning replied, winking at me. Before I could say anything, Ling Tong yelled, "Uh, hello! Can you two stop FLIRTING long enough to get me outta this water?"

"Why can't you get out yourself?" Gan Ning yelled.

"Because I, uh, have a bad leg," Tong lied.

"Yeah, whatever!" Ning answered. "Tough it out!"

"SHUT UP! SHANG XIANG WILL SAVE ME!"

"Shang Xiang who?" I retorted.

"SHANG XIAAAAAANG! COME ON! YOU KNOW I CAN'T SWIM!" Tong screamed.

I finally pitied my friend and yelled, "Just stand up!"

Tong stopped thrashing about and stood upright. "What's this going to... aw, never mind." He stopped when he realized the water went up to his waist.

A shriek of horror emerged from the castle at that moment, so loud I could hear it from where we were standing.

"That sounds like Da," Tong commented. "Or Xiao. I can never really tell their shrieks apart."

"Whatever it is, it sounds like trouble," I said dryly. I leaned over and helped pull Tong out of the water. "C'mon, let's go..."

I turned to Gan Ning. "Are you coming?" He shook his head. "Naw, I'll just get in the way. I'll just leave you two kids alone out here." He went back inside the cabin in the ship and shut the door.

"C'mon..." Tong said, glaring after Gan Ning's diappearing figure. "Someone might have gotten hurt..."

"HEY! Wait up! It's dark out here! I can't see!" I complained.

"Take my hand then, Princess!" Tong snapped. I could tell he was quite irritated at the moment, probably at the new knowledge that Gan Ning was residing in Wu. I fumbled around in the darkness and grabbed his hand. 

"Don't let go of me," I said, holding his hand tight.

"Why would I?" he retorted, but he pulled me closer to him. Even though he was pissed off, he couldn't be nasty to me. Ha.

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Tong and I raced inside the Great Hall, where a couple armored guards were standing guard. "Hey! What happened?" Tong asked, letting go of me.

"Lord Ling Tong, Lady Sun, I'm afraid to say there's been a tragedy. Lord Zhou has passed away."

"WHAT? Zhou Yu is DEAD?" I asked incredulously. "He was fine 24 hours ago!"

"My apologies. I mean the second Lord Zhou. Zhou Yin, I believe his name is."

I turned to Ling Tong, who had a look of confusion on his face. Suddenly it hit me, and apparently it hit me too, since we both looked at each other and said, in unison, "The kid!" 

We thanked the guard and raced up the flights of stairs, where hysterical sobbing could be heard. "Come on! That sounds like Xiao!" Tong yelled.

"Here we go, this is Xiao's room," I yelled, and before I could yank the door open, Tong grabbed my shoulder. "You can't just barge in there!" he protested, proceeding to knock on the door.

A grave-looking Da Qiao opened the door. "Shang Xiang... Ling Tong... why are you two up so early?"

"Da, what happened?" Tong asked, grabbing Da's shoulders. "We heard a scream from outside! Is Xiao okay?"

"Come this way," she simply replied, and walked down the hallway inside the large room. Tong and I exchanged glances and followed after her.

In a smaller, sealed-away section of the room, Xiao was sitting on a chair, crying. Zhou Yu was standing behind Xiao, rubbing her shoulders and talking to a few medics.

"Oh! Lady Sun, we weren't expecting you," one medic said, bowing to me. Apparently he didn't notice Ling Tong. "What happened?" I asked.

Xiao let out a sniff. "Shang Xiang, it's horrible! I went to check on Yin, and... and he wasn't breathing! I called for Lord Zhou Yu but there was n-nothing he could do!" she said, finishing her sentence with more crying.

I knelt down next to Xiao and gave her a huge hug. She buried her face in my shoulder to try and muffle her crying. "It's all gonna be okay, Xiao," I said, releasing my friend for lack of words to say.

I looked at the medic again. "Any idea of what was wrong with him?" I asked.

"Lord Zhou Yu and I were just discussing that. Apparently Lady Qiao states that there was nothing wrong with the child when she put him to bed, but we think he could have had a fever and perhaps Lady Qiao didn't notice it. Babies can develop fevers quite quickly, and unfortunately the illnesses can become quite severe in a few hours if not treated," the medic said.

Xiao sniffed. "I never knew that," she said sadly.

I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder, and I looked up to see Ling Tong. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah... I'm alright," I said. "I feel so bad for Xiao. Losing your own child probably feels like losing a little piece of yourself, I guess..."

"I wouldn't know. Maybe someone as young as Xiao isn't cut out to be a mother yet," Tong said, keeping his voice lowered so he wouldn't be overheard.

"A 16-year-old sure wouldn't be as responsible with an infant as a grown woman would, I agree," I said, leaning my head on Ling Tong's chest. "I'm exhausted. It's been a long night."

"You want to go back to bed?" Tong asked.

"Nah... I could probably stay awake for a little while longer," I replied. "If I fall asleep, you'll carry me back up to my room, riiight?" I added teasingly.

"You bet I will," Tong replied with a grin. My eyes wandered over toward where Da was standing, and our eyes met momentarily. She winked at me, apparently having noticed that Tong's arm was still wrapped around my shoulders. I shot her a death look.

Xiao sniffed. "Th-thanks for coming, guys... you can go back to bed if you w-want. I don't want t-to keep you..." she said sadly.

"I'm staying with you," Da said firmly. "Me too," I replied. "We can sleep in here," Tong added.

Xiao smiled happily at us. "Th-thanks, guys..."

"Come, Xiao Qiao.. let us go to bed," Zhou Yu said. Although me and him very rarely saw eye-to-eye, he looked like he had aged 10 years in the last few hours, and I appricated the fact that he was being so kind to Xiao.

Tong let me go and sat down on the long couch, looking tired. "I'm just going to take a nap," he said, yawning. "Wake me up if something happens."

I sat down next to him and rested my head against his shoulder. "Me too. I'm just as tired as you are."

Da sat down next to me and also yawned. "You don't mind, right, Shang Xiang?" she said, rubbing her eyes. 

"Naw... go ahead," I said, not having been aware of how exhausted I was. Tong wrapped his arm around my shoulder, probably to comfort me, and I fell asleep in his lap. Da collapsed on top of my back and before long we were all sleeping in a big pile.

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REVIEW, DAMMIT! NO NEXT CHAPTER UNTIL I GET 10 MORE REVIEWS!  
(seriously)


	10. Party time

**Disclaimer**: Yeah, I own Dynasty Warriors. That's why, instead of making these crazy stories of mine a reality, I have my lazy butt on my chair, typing it into my laptop computer. Give me a break! I do not own Dynasty Warriors or any of its affiliated characters! **GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT, YA KOEI CREEPS!**

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When I finally woke up, I was sleeping directly on the couch and Da was lying on top of me. Tong had already left the room. I groaned and woke Da up, who yawned sleepily.

"Good morning," she said with a yawn.

"Ouch, I'm stiff," I said with a smile. "Must be what happens when you sleep on someone's lap."

Da giggled. "Shang Xiang, you're so obvious..."

"What does that mean?" I said, already knowing what this conversation would soon bring.

At that moment, Xiao came in, looking sad. "Hey, sis... hey, Shang Xiang..."

Da and I both got up and hugged her. "Xiao, please don't be so sad," Da begged. "Seeing you sad makes everyone upset."

Xiao sighed. "I thought about it for a while last night, and Lord Zhou Yu was talking to me about it.. he said that the baby was sick, and he's in a better place now. I guess that's a good thing."

Ling Tong came in and said, "Hey, Shang Xiang, Lord Sun Quan said that he wants to see you, NOW!"

"Oh geez. Was he mad?" I asked.

"No, he looked kind of happy. Dunno why."

"Alright, I better go," I said, patting Xiao on her back.

"Okay. Tell me what happened later. I'll be hanging around outside." Ling Tong headed over and took my seat, helping Da Qiao cheer up Xiao Qiao.

I got up and stretched. Now to find out what Quan wanted. Since I'd been up all night with Da Qiao, cheering up Xiao, I was still in the clothes I wore when me and Tong went to investigate that ship last night. I hurridly got dressed into a tan shirt decorated with a flower on the front and pulled on a pair of red shorts. I laced up my knee-length red boots and pulled my red headband on, noticing how long my brown hair had grown. Now it was barely grazing my shoulders. I shrugged, messed it up accordingly and raced off. (3rd outfit, DW4)

"Hey, brother! What's happening?" I asked. I know I should be more respectful to the Emperor himself, but since he was my brother, I never worried about it.

"Hello, Shang Xiang. How are you?" Quan asked, sitting on his throne at the front of the Main hall.

"Eh, can't complain. Tong told me you had something to tell me?"

"Yes, I did. Shang Xiang... you're getting married!"

"WHAT? To WHO?" I screamed.

"To Huang Gai! He needs a woman!"

"WHAT!" I screamed, thinking I was going to faint.

Quan chuckled. "Ha ha ha, I fooled you. I do need to tell you something, though, which'll be much more interesting than a proposed marriage."

"Oh, good. WAY TO NEARLY GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK, BROTHER!" I said angrily.

"Quiet, you. I'm thinking of asking the Nanmans in the Southern region of Nan Zhong for an alliance, so when we invade Shu we have some backup, but... I need a capable commander to lead a general or two and some troops down there to ask. Can I count on you?"

"YOU BET YOU CAN!" I said, jumping up and down happily. "What generals?"

"That's the good part. Ask whomever you'd like to accompany you, but I wouldn't push the limit. Maybe 2, at maximum 3. I don't want the Nanmans thinking we're invading." Quan said.

"If I could make a recommendation, I would suggest bringing Gan Ning," Quan continued. "He said he's good friends with the Nanman king, so I'm sure he would be useful in allying with them. Besides, have you ever seen the Nanmans? Tan skin, tattoos, very little clothing? He fits right in!"

"...okay. I'll discuss it with my 2nd-in-command first." I said, referring to Ling Tong.

"You mean Ling Tong? I don't think bringing the two of them together is such a good idea," Quan said.

"Tong's coming with me," I said stubbornly.

"Alright. Think it over, and talk to him about it. Speaking of Ling Tong, be sure to let him know we're holding the memorial for his father tomorrow. I forgot to tell him myself when I saw him 20 minutes ago. And don't forget having a celebratory banquet tonight, in honor of our victory at Xia Kou AND Gan Ning's addition to our army, so make sure to make yourself look presentable."

"Can I-"

"No, you cannot wear shorts. Wear a dress, Shang Xiang! It won't kill you and you look very pretty when you wear them."

"Yeah, it hasn't killed you yet," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Shang Xiang, I am not wearing a dress. I am wearing dress ROBES, customary for the Emperor of Wu."

"You're the first Emperor! That's a self-declared statement!"

"Get out of here before I really make you marry Huang Gai!" Quan ordered.

"Eep! Yes, brother!" I squeaked, and scurried off. One bad thing about having the Emperor as your brother-- he usually could make his threats a reality.

"So we're going to war again?" Ling Tong asked. As promised, I met up with him after talking to Quan and we were walking outside the castle, me telling him what Quan said.

"Nope. Quan said it's just an alliance seeking mission. We go to the Nanman territory, ask to see the King, we ask if he wants to ally with us in the war against Shu."

"...what happens if he says no? Are we doomed?" Tong asked.

"Uh... I didn't think about that. C'mon, why would he say no? Quit being a pessimist!"

"Alright, alright.Get off my back. Lord Sun Quan said 3 generals, right? So counting you, and me, (you're bringing ME, right?) that leaves one left."

I decided not to bring up Gan Ning. "I don't think I count... well, we got as long as we need to plan it out. I don't want to bring Lu Xun or Zhou Yu, that's for sure."

"Why not?" Ling Tong asked."They ARE geniuses, you know."

"Because Zhou Yu's a concieted jerk and Lu Xun's a bossy little twit whose brain is bigger than he is," I replied, laughing a little. "Besides, they'll both try and take control!"

"Yeah, whatever. So did Lord Sun Quan tell you about the banquet tonight? He told me to remind you you have to wear a dress. Ha ha ha." Ling Tong said, laughing at my terrible fate.

"ARRGH. I HATE wearing dresses! They're long, awkward, they restrain me from moving and they make me look FAT." I complained, being the typical woman for once in my life.

"They do not make you look fat, they make you look pretty. Prettier, since you already are," Ling Tong said, rolling his eyes. "Besides, half the generals are so wasted they can't see straight, so who cares?"

"Hahaha, what about you? You're still underage!"

"Well, I won't be NEXT year!" Ling Tong complained. Being only 20 years old, he couldn't drink any alcohol until he was 21. Ha. "And besides, you're a woman, you can't drink anything no matter how old you get!"

Dammit. "ANYWAYS," I said, changing the subject, "if you'll excuse me, I have to go try on a stupid dress for later tonight. So, I guess I'll see you later."

"What? Are you serious? It's nowhere near dark yet, why go in now?" Ling Tong asked.

"Heck, are you kidding? It'll be another hour until I'm done complaining about it," I said. "See ya!"

That's when I remembered the OTHER thing Quan told me to tell Tong. "Oh... I just remembered, Quan also mentioned that there's going to be a memorial service for your father, too," I said, watching Tong's expression turn to a sad one.

I wrapped my arm around his waist, trying to cheer him up. "Tong, come on. You said it yourself that your father wouldn't want you to be down in the dumps. He'd want you to be a better general than he was."

"I guess you're right... but how'd you get over your dad and your brother dying?" Tong asked.

"I'm still not completely over it. I mean, you still miss them... but over time you realize that the person wouldn't want you to mourn their deaths for the rest of your own life. They'd want you to keep on living, but let them live on in your heart," I said.

"And get revenge," Tong said, glaring off toward the direction of Gan Ning's docked ship.

"Oh, Tong, will you stop it? If you attack him, Quan's going to remove you from your ranks and make you leave Wu! I don't want that to happen!" I said, scowling at him.

"Why do YOU even care?" Tong asked. "If I get revenge, so what if he kicks me out of Wu?"

"Because I'm never going to see my best friend again! What am I gonna do without you?" I demanded, playing up the drama of the moment a little. (okay, a lot.)

"What do you mean?" Tong asked.

"You're the best friend I've ever had!" I said angrily. "And if that stupid pirate, or that dumb manly urge to get revenge whenever something bad happens to you, gets between us I'm not going to get over it!"

Ling Tong didn't reply. He also wasn't looking at me; instead he was looking down at the ground, his expression unreadable. "You don't believe me, do you?" I said angrily, letting go of him and putting my hands on my hips. "You're probably thinking of some stupid plan to kill Gan Ning and get yourself executed for treason!"

Before I could help it, a few hot tears escaped my eyes. I brushed them away, then without any warning at all I burst into hysterical crying. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Oh, Shang Xiang... come on..." Ling Tong's arms were around me, holding me tight. I was desperately trying to make myself stop crying, but no avail. My head was against Tong's neck, and his head was resting on my hair.

"That's probably the nicest thing you've ever said to me," he said. I sniffed. "Well, it's true. You ARE my best friend."

His arms tightened. "I... I got carried away..."

Long minutes passed until I was finally able to stop crying. I sniffed and made myself pull away and I felt his arms release me. Without saying anything, we looked at each other, then I turned away.

"I... I should go get ready now..." I said, wondering if anyone had seen us together. If one of the local maids known for being rather gossipy had seen us, I was doomed.

"Alright... see you later, then," Tong said. I smiled at him, and with that, I sighed and headed off to the castle, resigned to my fate.

Later that night, I reluctantly changed into a red dress, lined in gold thread, made of very soft silk. It was rather long, but it had a slit on the right side that started at my mid-thigh and went all the way down, giving me the ability to move (hooray!). It was sleeveless, and the collar went up to my mid-neck.

Da helped me get ready and assured me I looked magnificent. Yeah, whatever. I had to fend her off with a chair to prevent her from putting any make-up on me.

Da was wearing a dark red dress, almost a purplish-red that looked amazing on her. She was still in an early stage of her pregnancy, so it didn't show.

Well, she is a Qiao sister, and supposedly they're the prettiest women in the universe. Although she was almost unbearably feminine, I loved her and Xiao Qiao like the sisters I never had, so beggars can't be choosers.

"Shang Xiang, you should continue growing out your hair," Da said, brushing her own raven hair. Her hair was so long it fell down to her waist. I watched as she twisted one side up into the two twisty buns she usually wore it in. (DW4 hair style)

"Yeah, well, it's good the way it is now," I said, tossing the brush I had been using over my shoulder and fumbling around for my headband, avoiding some silly flowery hair clip Da was nagging me to use. "Hey, what happened to my headband?" I asked, unable to find it.

At that moment, Xiao, wearing a similar pink dress that blinded my eyes popped into the room, being as usual her happy and innocent self. "Hey! Sis, where did you want me to hide Shang Xiang's headb-- oh, hey, Shang Xiang! Hee hee!"

I snatched my headband from Xiao's hand and put it on, smoothing my brown hair down. "Darn it, stupid hair," I said.

Xiao Qiao twirled around happily, watching the big pink bow she had on the back of her dress bounce around. "Yayyyy! I love party dresses!" she squealed, her ponytail bouncing around behind her head. She had it tied up in a side ponytail, and it was styled with a large hair ornament. (DW3 hairstyle)

"I hate party dresses!" I said, scowling as I looked at myself in the mirror. Regardless to what anyone told me, I was a firm believer in the "I DO NOT LOOK GOOD IN DRESSES" theory.

"Xiao, how are you still so cheerful?" Da asked, looking confused. "Aren't you upset over the loss of your son?"

Xiao's face fell a little. "Yeah, well... the medic said he was really sick, and... he's in a better place now, where he won't be sick anymore! And Zhou Yu said we can have more children someday!" she said, her usual smile crossing her face.

That's Xiao Qiao for you. "Yeah, well, I wish stupid Tong would take the same approach you're taking, Xiao," I said, thinking of my friend.

"Oh, yes, I forgot our Uncle died recently, too," Da said, looking sad. "Yeah, it does kinda seems like our family is cursed," Xiao said with a shudder. "First our Uncle, then poor little Yin..."

"But what about you, Shang Xiang?" Da asked suddenly. "What about me?" I asked. "I haven't died yet, thank you very--"

"Not about you being dead," Xiao said, giggling with her sister. I hated it when they seemed to be telepathic, when one sister brought something up and the other immediately knew what the first was talking about.

"What the hell are you two talking about?" I demanded, watching Da shudder when she heard my language.

"You know! We're talking about our cousin!" Da said, now stiffling a giggle.

Xiao was laughing. "Yeah, Shang Xiang! When are you and Tongie (much to Tong's dismay, the Qiaos had a nickname for him, one he disliked) gonna get married?"

"WHAT?" I said, feeling my face get hot. "Ling Tong is my BEST FRIEND! Nothing more than THAT!"

"Suuuure," Xiao said, while Da Qiao giggled.

"You two are so annoying it makes me sick," I snapped. Ever since the Qiaos came to Wu, and met Ling Tong, discovered they were cousins and learned that me and Ling Tong were best friends, they'd been teasing me about the two of us getting together someday. "There's no way that could work out, anyway. We've been friends for too long."

"Well, if you've been friends for so long, you probably could make it work," Da said, serious for once.

"But I don't want to make it work," I said stubbornly. "I'm perfectly happy with being single right now. So GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT!"

"Geez, fine!" Xiao whined.

"Well, ladies, it's starting to get dark," Da said, glancing out the window. "Want to head out?"

My honest answer was "No". But then, I forgot! My saving grace! I sat down on the floor (Da looked scandalized) and grabbed my favorite pair of combat boots, which I wore to battle quite often.

"You're not wearing those," Da protested, trying to pull the boots out of my hands. "Oh yes I am. Now leggo," I ordered, tugging back.

"C'mon, sis, they're not THAT ugly," Xiao commented. "Besides, they make the dress look prettier in comparison!"

"But they're not proper for the occasion," Da protested, now seemingly aware that she was fighting a losing battle.

"Da Qiao, as the Princess of Wu, I order you to put the boots down," I said, assuming my high-and-mighty voice both the Qiaos and Ling Tong had grown to dislike instensly.

Da reluctantly dropped the shoes, and while I laced them up, if someone saw the expression on her face they would think she was being forced to drink poison. "There, you're all ready now!" Xiao said happily. "Now let's go!"

I groaned as the Qiaos grabbed me by my arms and dragged me off. "Waiiiit... I don't have my chakrams!" I yelled, but they wouldn't let me go. Damn.

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Review! Be cruel! Tell me what you think:) (PS- I have up to Chapter 27 written, but I just have to transfer them off my no-Internet computer onto the one that does.)


	11. Guess who's back!

I don't own anything. GET OFF ME.

I haven't given up yet-- here comes the next piece of the action! Suprise mystery character shows up in this chapter! Oh, and GN/SSX finally starts >>;;

CHAPTER 10

"Alright, fine, I'll walk! Quit dragging me!" I complained, now being rather painfully dragged down the stairs by the Qiao sisters. Da was lecturing us both on "proper manners" but the glazed look in Xiao's eyes told me she was tuning her sister out as well.

"I don't trust you, Shang Xiang," Da said. "The instant we put you down, you'll run off, probably to get those horrid weapons of yours."

I rolled my eyes. "Da, you know me too well. And whaddaya mean, HORRID WEAPONS? I love my chakrams! And they're better to fight with than your silly fans!"

"My fans may not be weapons, but I'm not a warrior," Da replied, but before we could get into another yelling match Xiao yelled, "Hey, we're heeeeeere!" Sure enough, the servants had gotten into the spirit of things and decorated the hall with red and gold banners, streamers, and there were tables upon tables of food. Yum.

"Alright, leggo," I said, and Da very reluctantly released my arm. "Now where did Xiao go...?"

"TONGIEEEEE!" Xiao shrieked outta nowhere, and before anybody knew it Xiao had tackled her cousin to the ground. "HI!" she said happily, beaming down at a bewildered (and terrified) Ling Tong.

"Hi, Xiao," Tong said quite unenthusiastically. "Can you get off me? I kinda need to breathe."

Da scurried over, dragged Xiao off Ling Tong, ("Thank god," Ling Tong muttered) and pulled him up to his feet. "Ouch, and thanks, Da," Ling Tong said, fixing his hair.

"XIAO! How many times do I have to tell you to STOP TACKLING PEOPLE?" Da asked, looking flushed. "Honestly, aside from the fact that you nearly killed our cousin, it's just not dignified!"

"Da, take it easy. It's not that big of a deal," Ling Tong said, obviously trying to prevent an arguement from breaking out. "Besides, I don't mind THAT much."

Xiao, on the other hand, looked like she was going to cry. "Sis, that was MEAN!" she whined, her gray eyes welling with tears.

"Xiao, calm down," Ling Tong said, turning to his other cousin. "You can still tackle me, alright? Just not every time you see me."

"YAY!" Xiao said, proceeding to tackle Ling Tong (again). "Alright I changed my mind. No more tackling. Now get off me." Tong said, pushing Xiao off.

"You two are mean! I'm telling Zhou Yu!" Xiao pouted, and stomped off.

"Must she always be such a baby?" Da wondered out loud, walking inside the hall.

I walked over to Ling Tong, who was still sitting on the floor, looking annoyed. "Hey. Need a hand?" I asked, leaning down.

Ling Tong looked up at me and his jaw dropped. "Oh, uh, hey Shang Xiang... sorry, I just can't remember the last time I saw you in a dress," he said, both trying to cover up his embarrassment and laughing at the "I'm-going-to-kill-you" look written on my face.

"Don't you go Qiao on me," Tong warned. "One of them tackles me every time she sees me, and the other treats me like I'm her superior officer or something. I want NORMAL relatives."

"Whatever. I just want to get in there and get this over with," I said gloomily.

"Aw, quit complaining. It's a party, remember?"

"Yeah, well, if you need me, I'll be hiding OVER THERE," I muttered, pointing to an innocent potted plant nearby, unknown that I was going to spend the evening hiding inside of it.

"Don't leave me alone in there! C'mon, what if my crazy cousins attack me again?" Tong whined, grabbing my arm and not letting go.

"FINE," I growled. "But don't expect me to smile, laugh, or say anything that's not along the lines of, 'I want to leave now!' Got it?" I said with a scowl on my face.

Tong laughed. "Yeah, whatever, Princess Moodswing. He released my arm and headed inside. I groaned. This night was going to suck.

Just before I headed inside myself, to get this horrible event over with, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I whipped around, and sure enough, Gan Ning was standing right behind me, wearing a dark vest, golden bells, and a big smile that made him look, if it was even possible, more incredibly handsome than he already was.

"Hey, Princess," he said. "I take it you got an invite to this thing, too?"

"Of course I did, the Sun Family's hosting it," I said, smiling. Tong wasn't around, I finally had the opportunity to talk to him without interruptions."Every Wu officer and general is invited to these things."

"I get it." He looked me up and down. "Y'know, you've probably heard this a thousand times already, but that dress looks damn good on you," he said, grinning big at me.

I felt my face redden (damn). "Um... thank you," I said, grateful that he at least noticed.

"No problem. So is your friend here?" Gan Ning asked, folding his arms. Although I knew Ling Tong would tear me limb from limb if he knew I was talking to Gan Ning, I couldn't help it; I liked him. He was different, rebelling from society. And the fact that he kicked total ass on the battlefield AND was a damn good looking young guy couldn't hurt.

"Yeah, he is," I said. "PLEASE try not to irritate him.. or talk to him, or look at him, or breathe anywhere near his general direction. I don't want something disastrous to happen."

"Fine, but if he picks a fight with me, I'm going to tear his tiny little--" I interrupted Gan Ning's tirade. "If he tries something, my brother (the Emperor) will break it up."

"Good. So, anyways, Princess--"

"You can just call me Shang Xiang if you like," I interrupted. "Nobody really calls me Princess around here."

"Alright then, Shang Xiang! Let's go!" And with that, Gan Ning grabbed my hand and pulled me inside the lavishly decorated Great Hall. As he yanked me inside by my hand, though, I never would admit it to anyone, but the feeling of his hand holding mine was making me feel like a little girl in love.

Maybe this night WASN'T going to suck!

Once we were well inside the Great Hall, (and Ling Tong hadn't noticed anything yet) Gan Ning let out a huge whistle. "That's a lot of food!" he said incredulously.

"Oh, that's nothing!" I said, beaming at the look of shock on his face. "Those are just the appitizers!"

"WOW. Huang Zu never had any of these fancy banquets or anything, he just got his cooks to slap some nasty crap on the table and let me tell you, it was every man for himself in there," Gan Ning said, helping himself to a meat bun.

"Well, now that you're fighting for Wu, you can get as much food as you want, whenever you want it. Just don't drink too much; remember there's a tomorrow!" I noticed Ling Tong waving at me. I reluctantly left Gan Ning and caught up with him.

"Hide me. Xiao complained to Zhou Yu that I was supposedly being mean to her, and now he's out for my blood," Tong said, looking around.

"Will you calm down? Zhou Yu can't do anything. He's a pushover." I said. It was true; Zhou Yu talked a fair game, but he wasn't one of the strongest Wu generals. He was mainly known for his amazing intellect. He was so smart, even I would admit his genius.

"Yeah, whatever. It looks like those maids over there are starting to serve the wine... which I can't drink for ANOTHER YEAR," Tong added with a growl. "C'mon, before I get mad again..."

We went over to where the other 3 non-drinking Wu officers were, Lu Xun, Da Qiao, and Xiao Qiao, respectively. Since Lu Xun was only 17 and the Qiaos were women, like me, we couldn't drink either. Most banquets went like this; the other generals went off and got wasted while me, Tong, Xun, Xiao, and Da sat back here and sulked.

"Wow, another year and I'll be old enough," Tong said excitedly. "Wonder what it's like, getting so insanely drunk you can't even remember your own name?"

Everyone else rolled their eyes. "Thank you for rubbing it in, Ling Tong," Xun said.

"At least in a couple years, you two CAN drink! Apparently it's unseemly for women to drink anything! So while all of you are off getting wasted and having all the fun, I'M stuck here, in a dress!" I said angrily, blowing off some steam.

"Cheer up, I'll sneak you some once in a while," Tong offered.

"You would do that? For me?" I said, happily.

"Probably not, I just said that to get you happy again," Tong replied.

Before I could kill Tong, my brother's voice carried throughout the hall. "Everyone, please, we're ready to eat! So come over here!"

"YES! Food!" Xiao said happily, jumping up and down. I rolled my eyes.

Everyone was sitting down. I sat down next to my brother, and Tong (as usual) sat down next to me. Lu Xun sat down next to Tong, and the Qiaos copped a squat in the two seats in front of me. Zhou Yu was seated next to Xiao; unfortunately, (for Tong) Gan Ning sat down on the other side of Quan.

"Oh, here, Gan Ning, take my seat," Quan offered. "You deserve to be center of attention on your first day here." Gan Ning agreed, and thanks to the seating adjustment I found myself seated next to Gan Ning himself.

"Hey, Shang Xiang!" Gan Ning said, grinning at me. "I'm liking these seating arrangements, aren't you?"

I refused to let my embarrassment show. "Yes, well, I always sit here," I said. Although I did like Gan Ning, and I enjoyed his presence next to me, it didn't help that Ling Tong growled like a tiger every time Gan Ning was in the general area.

"Tong, calm down," I whispered to my friend. Tong glared over me at Gan Ning. "He's trying to make you like him, Shang Xiang! It's all part of some crazy sinister scheme to kill everyone!" he said angrily.

Paranoid. "Just pretend he isn't there," I hissed. "Besides, if you piss off my brother, he might not give you that promotion you've been wanting!"

"Oh yeah. The promotion. I almost forgot all about it..." Tong mumbled. "Alright, I'll be good. But if he starts anything, so help me god, I'm gonna--"

"Attention, everyone," Quan said, interrupting Ling Tong and standing up. "I'd like to make a few announcements... TAISHI CI, do NOT drink that entire keg!" he yelled, apparently losing his train of thought upon noticing Taishi Ci lifting the entire keg of wine and trying to chug it.

Gan Ning snorted. "I could do that, easy," he said. "Hell, I could chug three of those in a minute!"

I was revolted. "I'm sure you could," I said.

"Heh, you've got no idea what I can do, Shang Xiang," he said, winking at me. I didn't know whether I should slap him or laugh. To compensate, my stupid female hormones caused me to blush. Damn.

"ANYWAYS," Quan said, switching back to Emperor mode, "as I was SAYING, I have a couple announcements. First of all, our late lord and my older brother, Sun Ce's widow Da Qiao here is expecting a child soon. It'll be good to have another addition to the Sun family." Da beamed and patted her still-tiny belly.

"Next, let's all toast to the death of a loyal to the end Wu general, and a good friend to all, Ling Cao. He will be missed profusely and let us drink to him in the afterlife." Quan said, raising his glass. We all followed. Gan Ning had the common sense to look guilty.

"Third, believe it or not, the commonfolk of Wu have informed me, by means of rioting, that it is "too boring" to live in Wu. Meaning, in the case of an invasion by our enemies, the people of Wu may choose to rebel against our forces. Before this happens, we need to think of some ways to keep these ungrateful idiots-- err, hard-working plebians-- of Wu satisfied. Any suggestions you can think of, float them by me for approval."

"And last, but certainly not least, and the main reason we are gathered here tonight, is to celebrate our victory against Huang Zu at Xia Kou! We have avenged the death of our late lord, and my father, Sun Jian, and I hear his joyful cries from the heavens." Everyone cheered. (Except Gan Ning, probably because he didn't know who Father was)

"And finally, I want you all to welcome a new general into our Wu family. Gan Ning, stand up." Gan Ning stood up, and one of the lady guards nearby dropped the tray of food she was carrying to gawk at him. "Gan Ning, tell us about yourself." Quan suggested.

"Uh, that's not such a good idea..." Gan Ning said, looking slightly embarrassed.

"Why? You don't have anything to hide, do you?" Ling Tong said, accusation written all over his face.

"'course I do," Gan Ning replied. "Everyone does. I've done some stupid things in my life, but I want to turn it around. And I guess joining Wu can help me do that."

"That's the spirit," Quan said, beaming at his new general. "I have a good feeling you'll be making me proud very soon, Gan Ning. Keep it up and you might just get my sister!"

At that point, I had taken another sip of water, and upon hearing my brother's words, gagged and choked. Tong was apparently too busy sulking to notice his best friend (me) dying, so Xiao hurridly ran over to me and thumped me on my back.

"QUAN!" I said furiously, once I regained the ability to speak. "What?" Quan asked innocently.

"Guys, cut it out!" Xiao whined, jumping up from next to me. "You're gonna scare the new guy away before he even gets to fight!" She stuck her hand out in front of Gan Ning, not intimidated in the slightest. "Hi! I'm Xiao Qiao!"

Gan Ning looked confused. "Um... hello," he said, obviously wondering what kind of drugs Xiao was on.

"Guess what! I'm married! To Lord Zhou Yu! Who's right there!" Xiao said cheerfully, pointing to her husband. Zhou Yu coughed in a greeting manner.

"I see. So, what is a little girl like YOU doing married?" Gan Ning asked.

"I am NOT a little girl! I'm 17 years old!" Xiao said angrily.

"Well, no offense, but I thought your 'husband' there was a woman," Gan Ning commented, obviously NOT knowing the right thing to say.

"Zhou Yu is a man! Why does everyone say that?" Xiao whined.

Gan Ning's eyes met mine, and I could pretty much read his mind- "This kingdom is crazy." And he was right.

"Well, it appears the main course is ready to be served, so let's eat, everyone," Quan said. "Xiao Qiao, go sit down."

"Yes, my lord!" Xiao said, bowing and scurrying off to her seat.

Gan Ning sat back down and turned to me. "So, is the food any good here?"

"I've grown up eating it, so I don't know much about other food," I replied. "But yes, I'd say it's good." Another lady guard was setting plates of steaming food in front of everyone. Gan Ning looked ravenously hungry and started eating with his hands.

Ling Tong, who was wiping his face with a napkin, looked revolted. "Heads up, freak, but civilized people eat with silverware," he said, glaring at Gan Ning.

"Yeah, you might want to try using a fork," I said hurredly, snatching an unused fork and giving it to him.

"I haven't used one of these in so long I almost forgot how to use the damn things," Gan Ning commented, wiping his hands on his pants ("Ew," Ling Tong said) and stabbing the piece of chicken vigorously with the fork. "Mm... this stuff's delicious," he said, talking with his mouth full.

Ling Tong, who liked everything to be like his hair, neat and tidy, apparently had enough with Gan Ning's manners. His hand reached towards one of the cultery knives on the table, and the look on his face suggested murder.

To be honest, if Ling Tong was going to try and stab Gan Ning to death with a kitchen knife, I wasn't going to stop him. This was disgusting! The man didn't know how to EAT properly!

"Quan," I said, sensing disaster. "Your superior general is a slob, my Lord," Da said, to Quan, her right eye twitching the same way it did when Ce ate like a slob. (which was all the time)

Xiao was enjoying this, laughing her head off. "Hee hee! Zhou Yu, lookie! He's retarded!" she squealed, obviously enjoying this.

Gan Ning apparently was done chewing, which we could all see, since his mouth was wide open. He swallowed, and once the chicken was gone, he burped. Loud.

The burp apparently broke the barrier of Ling Tong's sanity, and I watched as he grabbed the knife, got up and attacked Gan Ning. "WOULD IT KILL YOU TO EAT LIKE A CIVILIZED HUMAN BEING?" he screamed, the knife coming dangerously close to Gan Ning's head.

"LING TONG! STOP AT ONCE!" Quan ordered, sensing a murder.

I looked at the Qiaos. Da was muffling a giggle, and Xiao was rolling around on the floor, positively shrieking with laughter. Zhou Yu looked like he was trying not to laugh, and a lady guard pouring Lu Meng's wine was laughing so hard, she was pouring all the wine on Lu Meng's head.

"HEY!" Gan Ning screamed. "WATCH IT!" he yelled, knocking Ling Tong off him, onto ME.

"Oof," I groaned, feeling the impact of Ling Tong as he landed on top of me. "Sorry, Shang Xiang," Tong said, standing up. Unfortunately he didn't realize my arm was under the knife, and as he stood up, it dug into my skin.

"ARRRGH!" I yelled, jumping up and grabbing my wounded wrist. "Oh, Shang Xiang, I'm sorry!" Tong wailed, standing up and grabbing a napkin, helping me wipe my bloody wrist.

"That does it! Quan said angrily, finally asserting his authority. "You two are going to have to learn to get along better! Gan Ning, this is your first time causing trouble, so I'll let you off with a warning. As for you, Ling Tong, you should know better! You are banned from setting foot in this banquet hall for the rest of the night! Now get out of here, and go write me a 1,000 word essay on why you shouldn't attack your fellow officers with a kitchen knife! And I am counting!"

Instead of saying anything, or defending himself in any way, shape or form, Tong stopped helping me wipe my wrist up and stormed off angrily, screaming profanity I didn't even know he knew.

I turned to Quan. "Brother, Tong's been having a real hard time these past few days," I said, trying to make Quan relent on the essay, at least. I didn't think Tong even KNEW 1,000 words. (well, except for all that profanity he was screaming.)

"No, Shang Xiang," Quan snapped. "I know he's your boyfriend and you love him and all, but I'm not going to let him continously get away with attacking fellow Wu officers!"

Before I could interject, Gan Ning sat up from the ground and said, "HE's your boyfriend?"

"No! Tong isn't my boyfriend!" I said, embarrassed. DAMN my brother!

"Good," Gan Ning said. "Because I don't think he's worthy of you!"

I blushed. "Wh-what does that mean?"

Quan interrupted. "It would appear as though everyone is done eating, so feel free to mingle with everyone else. If you are over 21 years of age-- and you know who you are-- feel free to drink as much wine as you like! Just not the entire keg," he added, glaring at Taishi Ci.

Da and Xiao promptly stood up, grabbed me by my arms, and dragged me off to our little corner. "Shang Xiang, I want the truth," Da said.

"Yeah! Tell us right now!" Xiao ordered.

"Tell you what?" I asked, confused.

"You like that Gan Ning guy!" Xiao said, pouting.

"I do not! Look at him, he's disgusting!" I protested angrily.

"Uh huh. That's why you drink in every word he says, or look at him, or blush every single time he hits on you!" Xiao said.

"I DO NOT!" I nearly screamed. "God, the two of you are so damn annoying!" And with that, I stormed away from the Two Qiaos and sat down at a nearby chair, watching some of the guys compete in chug contests. Gan Ning was sitting alone in a chair nearby, watching, when Lu Meng turned around and offered him a turn.

Gan Ning hopped up, and, apparently noticing me, pointed directly at me, implying that he was doing this to show off in front of me. He then lifted up the full keg of wine, and chugged. And chugged.

My jaw must have been dropped. It was like he had a bottomless stomach! He just kept going, and going, like there was no stopping him!

And he wasn't done. Taishi Ci pointed to another nearly full keg, and Gan Ning grabbed it and drained it as easily as he drained the first one.

After 4 more kegs, in addition to the first two, were drained, Gan Ning finally appeared to be done. I suppose my jaw must have been dropped so low it was in danger of falling out of my head, because Xiao leaned over and pushed my mouth closed.

"Where did YOU two come from?" I asked.

"We wanted to say we were sorry, Shang Xiang," Da said, looking sad. "We didn't mean to bother you. We were just curious."

"Yeah, sorry," Xiao said.

"Aw, come on, you guys," I said. "Don't worry about it, I'm not really angry." God, those silly Qiaos were so damn EMOTIONAL!

"Yay!" Xiao said, giving me a huge hug that nearly choked the life out of me.

"Um, Shang Xiang? Pirate, at 12 o'clock," Da said, pointing that Gan Ning was headed right over here.

"Oh great." I muttered.

"Hey Princess," he said, his voice slurred. Yup. Judging by his bloodshot eyes, his slurred voice and his inability to stand up straight, it was pretty easy to tell he was wasted after chugging all that alcohol.

"So, tell me," he said, and I could actually smell the alcohol in his breath, "what are you doing tonight? I can make the two of us some reservations for my bed, if you're interested," he said, obviously implying the obvious.

That does it. I stood up angrily. "You've got some nerve," I snapped. Da and Xiao nodded in agreement, but I sure wasn't prepared for Gan Ning grabbing my throat, pulling me to him and kissing me.

My first thought-- Ew. Unlike our first kiss together, which was quite enjoyable, this time his entire mouth reeked with alcohol, not exactly my favorite smell. When he pushed his tongue in my mouth, my control snapped. I clenched my hand into a fist, pushed him off of me and pounded him in the eye.

Direct hit. He yelled and staggered back a few steps; then he regained control of himself and made to grab me again. I grabbed his wrists, and without any idea of what I was doing I threw him over me, slamming him into the table with the filled water kegs.

Oh no. He wasn't getting up.

"Shang Xiang, did you kill him?" Da asked fearfully.

"I hope not," I squeaked. If Quan found out I killed his new general, he'd skin me alive! Or worse, make me get married!

I hesitantly walked over to where Gan Ning's unconcious form was and grabbed his arm. I could feel a strong pulse, so he certainly wasn't dead.

"He's alive," I said, rolling my eyes, "but he's unconcious. We shouldn't have to worry about any more wasted pirates hitting on us."

I glanced back over to where the other generals were. They didn't seem to have noticed.

"You know what, you guys," I said, faking a yawn. "I'm exhausted, so I'm going to bed. See you guys tomorrow."

"Good night, Shang Xiang," Da said. "Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!" Xiao said with a giggle.

I smiled at my friends and left the hall, happy to get out of that insane asylum. Watching your fellow generals get wasted was a sorry sight.

I walked down the hallway, wanting nothing more then to get back to my bed, when I noticed Ling Tong leaning against the balcony, looking outside. The view from the 3rd floor of the castle was amazing; you could see nearly all of Wu from it.

"Tong?" I said, causing him to jump and turn around. "Oh, hey, Shang Xiang," Ling Tong said, looking relieved. "Why so jumpy?" I asked.

"Well, if you'll recall, I'm supposed to be in my room, writing a thousand word essay on 'why I shouldn't attack my fellow officers with a kitchen knife', or whatever the hell it was..." Tong said, rolling his eyes.

"Still, even YOU have to admit that was funny," I said, laughing.

"Yeah, well... he killed my father, and I don't care what he does, he's an uncaring asshole and I hate him," Tong muttered.

I groaned. No sense trying to talk to him NOW. "Well, it sure is a nice night," I said, trying to make Gan Ning-free conversation.

"Yeah, it is," Tong said, not looking out towards the balcony anymore.

"Tong, please try to cheer up. I hate seeing you so sad," I said, squeezing his arm gently.

"Shang Xiang, I--"

He was interrupted by a loud "Hey!" from a person behind us. We whipped around, and saw a dirty man standing a few feet behind us. He had long, dark brown hair, a curly brown beard and familiar-looking brown eyes. And did I mention he was dirty?

"What's up?" The guy said. "You two look like you've seen a ghost!"

"...no offense, sir, but who the hell are you?" Tong asked, raising an eyebrow.

The guy's smile faltered. "You... you guys don't recognize me? Well... it HAS been 2 years!"

I stared. Those eyes looked so familiar... "Who are you?" I asked.

"Come on, Princess. Think outside the box." The guy encouraged.

I thought frantically. 2 years... 2 years... 2 years! That's it!

"Ce?" I whispered, barely loud enough for anyone to hear me.

The familiar smile spread across my big brother's face. "Hey, sis," he said, grinning. "I missed ya."

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Another one down, a zillion more to go:) Anyway, please review and let me know what you think! Be cruel and peace out!


	12. Where've ya been?

Disclaimer: If I owned Dynasty Warriors, there would be an unlockable "Speedo" outfit for Gan Ning, Ma Chao and Sun Ce. No Speedo suit? Then I don't own DW!

AN: I live! And I'm back:) Enjoy, and tell me what you think:D (PS: Future updates will come soon, I have to transfer the stuff I've already written to my computer via floppy disk. Give me a week or two.)

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I squealed with joy and flung my arms around my brother's neck. "Ce!" I squealed, hugging him. "You're alive! You're okay! You're safe! You're..." I got a good whiff of him. "Ew! You STINK!" I yelled, taking a few steps back.

Ce chuckled. "You'd stink too if you were stuck in a prison cell for 2 years without a bath!"

"You haven't washed your hair in 2 years?" Tong said, looking revolted at the thought.

"Nope!" Ce said cheerfully. Tong looked like he was going to faint.

"So, where is everyone? Am I interrupting anything between you two?" Ce said, smirking.

"No," I said, annoyed.

"Uh, Shang Xiang, why are you in a dress?" Ce asked, raising an eyebrow. "I haven't stumbled into some crazy parallel universe, have I?"

"Naw, we had a party earlier," I said.

"Oh, cool! So everyone's inside?" Ce asked, excited.

"Yup! C'mon!" I said. Even though he smelled horrific, I was sure everyone would be just as excited to see Ce as I was. My big brother was home again!

"Ce, question. You're dead," I said, realizing something.

"Uh, no, I'm not," Ce said.

"But we saw your body die. You're buried next to Father," I said.

"I'll explain all of that when we get inside," Ce said. "It's a long story and I'm sure everyone wants to hear it."

I turned back towards Tong. "C'mon, Tong!" I said.

"Can't. I'm banned, remember?" Tong said. "If you guys need me, I'll be in my room, writing my thousand word essay on "Why not to attack my fellow generals with eating utensils" or whatever the hell it was..." He stomped off.

Ce looked at me blankly. I sighed. "Long story. I'll tell you later."

We entered the Great Hall, where now all the generals (except for Lu Xun, who didn't drink, and Gan Ning; I noticed triumphantly that he was still K.O'd) were either passed out in a pile in the corner, or rubbing their heads and stomaches due to hangovers.

"QUAN!" I yelled, racing towards where my brother was seated. He jumped a foot in the air. "Shang Xiang?" Quan asked. "What's the matter?"

"You're not going to believe this, brother! Look!" I said, pointing to Ce.

"And WHY have you brought a filthy homeless man into our palace?" Quan asked, looking confused.

"Brother, just look at him! You'll recognize him!" I persuaded.

"Alright, alright, but I'm telling you, this is a waste of time," Quan said, getting off his throne and looking at Ce.

"You... look awfully familiar," Quan finally said. "But that's impossible. The man I'm thinking of died almost 2 years ago!"

"Or did he?" Ce asked, smiling.

Da Qiao, who was looking suspicious, approached Ce cautiously. She looked at him, and everyone watched as a smile spread across her face. "My Lord!" she squealed, but before she could throw her arms around Ce in a big hug, Quan pushed her out of the way and gawked at Ce.

"Im... impossible..." Quan said, looking shocked. "You... you can't possibly be my brother!"

"Oh, but he can be!" I said happily. Quan let out a shriek of joy, quite uncharacteristically, and my two brothers hugged. "Ce, I don't know how, but it's good to have you back!" Quan said happily.

"Get over here, Shang Xiang!" Ce yelled, and I eagerly ran towards my hugging brothers, who pulled me in. I could almost see Father smiling down on us from the heavens, as his crazy children were together and united once more.

"Ce, how are you alive?" Quan asked, asking the question on everyone's mind.

"It's a long story, so I'll be happy to tell you," Ce said, letting us go. "So, everyone, cop a squat and pay attention!"

"As you know, I went off to fight with that stupid mystic, Yu Ji, who was off causing trouble. So, after I put the hurtin' on him, it turns out HE was a phantom! The REAL Yu Ji thunked me upside the head with something hard and knocked me out cold. When I woke up, I was in this disgusting jail cell!

"Anyway, Yu Ji came to tell me that I shouldn't bother trying to escape, that I was going to spend the rest of my life in this stupid cell, that I would get one serving of bread and water per day, and he informed me that he sent a phantom that looked just like me back to Wu, so everyone would think I was dead, and not think to look for me.

"Apparently, it worked. So, 2 years later, Yu Ji finally died. Meaning, his guards who lived in his little hut with him decided they didn't want me around any more, so they kicked me out of my little cell. I headed back for home, and I just got back a few hours ago."

"My word," Quan said. "Who knew those phantoms could be so convincing?"

"Tell me about it. One of them convinced everyone in Wu that I was dead, and here I am today," Ce said.

"Um, Ce?" I asked. "Are you sure that was the real Yu Ji who died? Maybe he just faked his death, or used a phantom?"

"I actually don't know, Shang Xiang," Ce said.

Da finally grew impatient and stormed up to Ce, inspecting him. Her brown eyes filled with happy tears and she threw her arms around my brother.

They hugged, and Ce kissed her gently. "Da, I've missed you so much it's not even funny," he said, hugging her again.

Da looked happier then she'd been in two years. "Oh, my Lord, I've missed you too," she said. "And guess what? I've got great news!"

"Really? What is it?" Ce asked.

"I'm finally pregnant! With our baby! Isn't it wonderful?" Da asked.

I've never seen Ce so happy. Pretty much screaming with delight, he hugged Da Qiao so tightly I thought her head might come off. "Oh, Da, you're joking! That's awesome!" Ce cheered. He kissed her again.

"Oh, and one more thing, darling," Da said.

"Yes, my glorious wife?" Ce asked, expecting MORE wonderful news.

"You're DISGUSTING! My goodness, you haven't taken a bath or shaven in 2 years! We have to clean you up right away!" Da said, returning to her old self in the blink of an eye. Ce sighed. "Ughhhh... Let's go."

Quan and I watched blankly as Da frog-marched Ce away, resisting the urge to jump up and down and squeal like morons. "I can't believe he's really back!" Quan said happily.

"I know!" I said, then remembered something. "Hey, now that Ce's back, don't you have to give up your seat on the throne?"

"Oh, meat buns!" Quan said, annoyed. "Well, it depends on whether he wants to be Emperor or not. Father did crown ME as his successor, you know."

"Only because Ce wasn't around," I said.

"Well, we'll discuss it in the morning, I suppose," Quan said.

Xiao walked in at that point, blissfully unaware of everything that just happened and apparently returning from a trip to the chamberpots. "Whew, that was a nice pee!" she said, confirming my suspicions. "Where's my dear sweet Zhou Yu?"

Quan looked down at the pile of his generals. "Um... right here," he said, pushing Lu Meng's collapsed body aside, revealing Zhou Yu's passed out form.

"Aw, man! He got wasted again!" Xiao pouted. She looked at Lu Xun, who had been quiet. "Um, Xun, would you mind helping me?"

"Not at all, Xiao," Xun said. Since we (me, Da, Xiao, Tong, and Xun) were all younger generals, we hung out quite frequently. Now that Ce was back, though, everyone would go back to hanging out together. One of the best parts of Wu was that we were all like a big family.

I watched in blank amusement. Xiao grabbed Zhou Yu's arms and Xun grabbed Zhou Yu's legs, and together they hoisted the unconcious strategist up and carried him off. "G'night, Shang Xiang! G'night, Lord Sun Quan!" Xiao yelled.

"G'night," I said, and Quan waved politely. Once they were gone, Quan looked down at the pile of his generals. "I don't suppose you want to carry them back?" he asked.

"Not a chance," I replied.

"Works for me. G'night, Shang Xiang," Quan said, and left me alone.

I looked down at the general pile again. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during the moment when they all woke up and saw themselves, but I was more interested in another handsome general lying nearby.

I walked over to Gan Ning's still K.O'd form and studied him. Even though I pounded him rather hard in the eye, I didn't hit him hard enough to bruise his skin. (Hooray!) He was wearing a green vest, but it exposed enough of his chest to show off his rock-hard abdominal muscles, and very hesitantly, I reached out my hand to touch them. I smiled to myself. Shang Xiang likey.

I almost couldn't believe how... how much I liked him! I barely knew the guy, and yet he made me feel so topsy-turvy inside it was very confusing. It would be nice if someone could explain these weird feelings to me...

I looked around. Nobody was around, as expected. I quickly leaned over and whispered, "I'm sorry!" and, wishing he was awake for this, kissed him on his mouth (which thankfully didn't taste like alcohol anymore) and scurried off to my room, giggling like a little girl. Wow.

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:D More where that came from! Review, tell me what you think, and peace out:)


	13. Arguing is Fun

Disclaimer: I own nothing!! BWAHAHAHAHA-- oh wait, that's a bad thing! SHOOT! Does anyone actually read disclaimers anyway? I doubt a bunch of KOEI executives are sitting at their desks, surfing the web and finding DW fics that don't include disclaimers. XD Shoot, I'm rambling again...

Notes from t3h author: Hey, guys! I've currently got up to Chapter 30, sitting here waiting to be published on my computer right now, so this lovely update brings you NOT ONE, but TWO (short) chapters, waiting to be read! Oh, and don't be cheap and wait until Ch. 13 to review, either. :D I'm trying to hit 100 reviews! Help me on my quest!! (I'm such a review hog. I'm going to hell, dammit.)

Of course I want to stall you longer, so let's do a recap of what happened so far... Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao's baby son passed away, Gan Ning is now a Wu general, Ling Tong ain't happy about it, Sun Shang Xiang IS happy about it, and a mysterious stranger comes back to Wu, and he is... SUN CE!! YAY!!

As usual, pardon all spelling errors/historical inaccuracies. I go by the games, I don't give a crap what happened in history. Without further ado, I bring to you, the long awaited and fresh off the computer...CHAPTER 12!! WOOOOOO!!

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"Hey, Shang Xiang! Wake up!" a cheerful voice said. I groaned. "C'mon,   
Shang, wake up!"

I'd recognize that voice anywhere. I opened my eyes to look at my big  
brother, his hair tied back in the usual ponytail and his face clean-shaven,  
except for his little goatee (which he only kept because Da Qiao loved it,  
she told me herself). In fact, he looked just like his old self, just a   
little thinner. Da really WAS an expert at fixing people up.

"Ugh... g'way, Ce," I groaned.

"Come on, aren't you happy to see your big brother after 2 whole years?" Ce  
asked, grinning at me.

"I'd be just as happy to see you later on in the morning. Go away." I  
mumbled.

"No can do, little sister," Ce said. "I'm on direct orders from Emperor  
Little Brother to wake up Princess Little Sister for the funeral service for  
Ling Cao and Zhou Yu's little one. Darn shame. I wish I coulda met the kid."

That's right, Ling Cao's funeral thing was today. "Ughhhh... alright, Ce,  
I'm coming. Get out so I can get changed." I said, rolling out of bed and  
collapsing out of my soft bed onto the hard floor. "Ow."

"You got it, little sister," Ce said, and left. I got up and dragged my  
sorry butt into my private washroom. One of the maids, thank goodness, had  
already run the water for me and a nice warm bath awaited me. I undressed,   
bathed, and pulled on my DW5 outfit. Normally the author would describe the  
outfit for you, but since she is feeling remarkably lazy right now she isn't  
going to. So there.

I shoved my feet into my DW5 shoes (see above sarcasm) and raced out the  
door, slid down the banisters and arrived in the main hall. All generals   
who'd spent the night unconcious had awoken, and were now crowding Ce,  
asking him questions; Da seemed to be trying to stuff as much food in Ce's  
mouth as she could, Xiao was actually asleep, her face inside her bowl of  
mush, and Tong was looking down in the dumps.

"Mind if I join you?" I asked, sitting down next to him. "Whatever," he  
replied, his voice muffled by the hand he was using to prop his head up. "I   
was up all night writing that stupid essay..."

I looked at Xiao. "Xiao, wake up!" I said.

If anyone saw the Little Qiao right now, they'd take back the prophecy  
stated about the beauty of the Qiaos being greater than that of the moon.   
Xiao had nasty breakfast mush all over her face. Ew.

"Huh?" Xiao asked, looking confused. "Oh, Shang Xiang, it's you. How are  
you?"

"Fine," I replied, handing my friend a napkin.

Tong sighed again. I patted his shoulder. I remembered when my own father  
died; I hadn't been able to stop crying. I also remembered that every time I  
had a nightmare, or every time I wanted to cry my eyes out, Tong was almost  
always by my side, ready to cheer me up.

"Shang Xiang, I--" Tong was interrupted by the sound of jingling bells,  
followed by a loud yell of "Whoo, I'm starving!" which could only signal the  
arrival of one spiky-haired, devilishly-good-looking young man by the name  
of Gan Ning. Yay! I mean, uh, oh dear.

Oh dear indeed. I watched as Tong's eyes narrowed, his fists clenched and he  
made those annoying growling noises he usually saves for Gan Ning. One of  
these days the poor guy's gonna die of a heart attack, if he doesn't control  
these anger problems of his.

"Tong," I warned, trying to prevent a catastrophe.

Everything about my friend right now showed pure rage; but then he slumped  
lifelessly on the table. "I give up," he said sadly. "There's no way I'm  
ever gonna be able to avenge my father. Nobody cares how I feel and as usual   
everyone sticks up for HIM."

"Tong, that's not true!" I said, trying to cheer him up. "C'mon, don't be so   
sensitive."

"I care!" Xiao added. "Tongie, quit being a big baby! My baby died, but I'm  
not moping about!"

"That's because you still have your sister and your husband. I don't have  
ANYBODY!" Tong said angrily.

"You have me!" Xiao said. "Tongie, you're my family too! You're my cousin,  
but you're like a brother to me and Sis! So quit whining about everything  
and be happy about what you still have!!"

I was shocked. Knowing Tong, he'd probably either start crying and run away,  
or worse, attack Xiao with a kitchen knife. But strangely enough, he didn't  
react at all. Instead he picked up his knife and said, "That does it."

WHAT!!? He's going to KILL HIMSELF!? NO!! That was what I was thinking.  
"Tong, don't do it!" I wailed, jumping on top of him and prying the knife  
from his fingers. "DON'T DO IT!!"

"Shang Xiang, what the hell's the matter with you!?! Don't do WHAT!?" Tong  
asked, looking alarmed.

"DON'T KILL YOURSELF!!" I wailed, hugging his legs. "You've got so much to  
live for!! Don't do it!!"

"Shang Xiang, would you calm down!? I'm not going to kill myself!!" Tong  
complained, now looking annoyed.

"B-b-but the knife!! And you said--" Tong cut me off. "I was going to EAT MY  
FOOD!!" he said. "Quit jumping to conclusions!! And what are YOU laughing  
at!?!" he demanded of Xiao, who was positively shrieking with laughter and   
rolling around on the floor.

"Oh," I said, embarrassed.

"What I was SAYING was, I've made up my mind. I'm never going to overcome my  
father's death by moping around like a big baby, right? So I'm going to try  
and forget the past," Ling Tong said.

Xiao squealed and hugged her cousin. "Yay!! I'm so proud of you, Tongie!!"

"For the hundredth time, don't call me that," Tong complained. "And let go  
of me. I can't breathe."

Xiao's big eyes filled with tears. "Tongieeee!! You're a jerk!" she wailed,   
and without another word she punched her cousin in the head (hard) and  
stormed off angrily.

"Women," Tong growled, rubbing his head. "So tempermental!"

"WHAT!?" I screamed.

"You heard me," Tong said. "One minute they're all happy, the next minute  
they're trying to rip my head off!"

"Well, maybe because you're a STUPID, SEXIST, IDIOTIC JERK!!" I screamed  
and, like Xiao, punched him in the head and stormed off angrily.

That jerk! I thought angrily. Here I am, wasting my time trying to cheer him  
up, and he starts trashing ME! God, sometimes I wonder what I was thinking   
when I picked my friends. What a bunch of sexist jerks they all are! Why I  
oughta-- my thoughts were interrupted by me slamming right into someone and  
falling over backwards.

"Ouch," I complained. "Watch where you're going, you stupid--"

"Whoa, sorry 'bout that," said that wonderful, amazing voice that now made  
my little heart jump with joy whenever I heard it. I looked up eagerly and  
saw Gan Ning, crouching down and holding his hand out to me. "I'm just  
bumping into you everywhere, aren't I?" he laughed, taking my hand and  
pulling me up.

I mentally kicked myself for blushing. "Uh.. thank you," I said.

"Listen, Shang Xiang, I'm kinda glad I bumped into you. No pun intended,"  
Gan Ning said, looking so incredibly good-looking today I couldn't stop  
gawking at him. "I, uh, wanted to apologize for what happened last night. Lu  
Meng told me about it and I feel pretty bad for forcing myself on ya when I  
was wasted. So, uh..."

"Apology accepted," I said, smiling at him. "Oh, and sorry for punching  
you," I added, remembering what ELSE happened last night.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Ning said, grinning at me (nice teeth for a  
former pirate). "From what I understand, I deserved it."

"So I guess we're even then," I said.

"Yep."

Arrrgh!! Dammit, Shang Xiang, why can't I think of ANYTHING to say!? I  
mentally kicked myself angrily. Come ON, why can't I just talk to him? He's  
just a guy! He's just like Tong, and Ce, and every single other guy I  
talk to! 'Cept he's a LOT hotter, and REALLY REALLY REALLY--

"Shang Xiang?" Ning asked, looking at me quizzically. "You okay?"

"Huh? Yeah! Yeah, I'm fine," I said, blushing again. (Damn hormones.)

"Oh. You just looked kinda stressed, is all..." he said.

"Well, actually, something is kinda wrong," I said, looking straight into  
his brown eyes and thinking, "I LOVE YOU!!!!"

"Seriously? Well, I'm all ears, but if it's really funny I can't promise not  
to laugh. Deal?" Ning said.

"Deal," I said. "Anyway, uh..."

"Want to go somewhere else?" Ning interrupted. "Like, I don't know-"

Your house? Your room? Your bed? "Outside?" I suggested. Once again, I blame the hormone.

"Fine by me!" Ning said. He took my hand (SQUEEEEEEE!!) and said, "Lead  
the way!"

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Guess what? I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!! You're thinking, "WTF, Jen's been gone for this long and all she gives us to compensate for it is THIS lousy, not-even-3-pages crap of a chapter!? Why I oughta..." but WAIT! Before you kill me, (and I KNOW nobody reads the author's notes ;P) if you read the author's notes you KNOW what happens next!! (Review first) THEN go read... CHAPTER THIRRRRRRRRRRRRTEEEEEEEEN!!! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Wow, I've been overdosing on sugar lately. Sorry. :D


	14. Hot Pirate, Good Advice

Disclaimer: I own nothing!! BWAHAHAHAHA-- oh wait, that's a bad thing! SHOOT! Does anyone actually read disclaimers anyway? I doubt a bunch of KOEI executives are sitting at their desks, surfing the web and finding DW fics that don't include disclaimers. XD Shoot, I'm rambling again...

Notes from t3h author: BWAHAHAHAHA! Since I'm just too good of a person, and I felt bad about gyping my wonderful readers out of a good chapter, I added Chapter 13 to the masses. (And don't worry, I'm not going to disappear again, Chapter 14'll be up either tomorrow or the next day.) Remember, I'm trying to hit 100 reviews, so drop me a line!

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We headed outside, (me the entire time praying Ling Tong would walk by and  
see us, and have an insane fit of jealousy) and sat down near a nearby pond.

"So, what's eating you?" Ning asked, sitting down next to me. "Besides that  
big-ass bug. Hold still." Ning smacked my arm. Ow.

I sighed angrily. "Tong and I had another stupid fight about absolutely  
nothing, again! Don't get me wrong, it's not a big deal or anything, but  
we're supposed to be best friends! Best friends aren't supposed to argue  
about EVERYTHING, right?"

"The closest thing I ever had to a best friend was my little brother, when I  
was maybe 5 or 6. Not really what you have here. If you ask me, though, just  
looking at your friend there, and god damn me if I'm wrong, but I think he   
likes you," Ning said.

"Oh dear god. Not this again," I groaned.

"Judging by the look on your face, I'd say you hear this a lot, and this is  
just my opinion on the matter, but... I don't think he just LIKES you, I  
think he's completely in love with you, and you've been doing something  
lately that's been pissing him off big-time. Probably why he's on a short   
fuse lately." Ning said. " Oh, and the fact that I killed his father might  
have something to do with it," he added sheepishly.

I thought it over for a few minutes. Normally, Tong was always in a good  
mood, aside from the constant sarcasm. But recently, ever since his father  
died, he'd been nothing but a moody, angry, and easily-annoyed jerk, and I  
was sick of it! If this was how Tong was gonna be for the rest of his life,  
then he was steadily heading for a life with no friends. Jerk.

That's when it hit me. It was GAN NING pissing him off!! (Well, duh. Why  
didn't I think of that?) He was angry that Ning was hanging around me, and  
probably insanely angry that I had no problem with him, and...

"Yo, Shang Xiang? You in there?" I was jarred from my thoughts by Ning  
waving his hand in my face.

"Huh? Oh, I'm okay. I was thinking... I think the thing that's pissing Tong  
off the most is YOU!"

"What gave it away, the constant 'I'm gonna kill you!!!' explosions or the   
dirty looks?" Ning asked, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, welll... My parents and  
my little brother were both killed, right in front of me, by  
whatever-his-name-is, Zhang Jiao, when I was five years old! And you know  
what I did?"

"Ummm... nothing?" I guessed.

"Exactly! There was nothing I could do! I was just this scared little kid,  
stuck in a big country with nowhere to go, no family, no nothing! If Huang  
Zu hadn't found me, I'd be dead right now!" Ning said angrily, punching the  
ground with his fist.

"So... Huang Zu took you in, and you killed him?" I said, astonished. Maybe   
Ning wasn't as nice as I thought.

"Shang Xiang, don't even go there. Huang Zu was like a father to me for most  
of my life. But when I started getting strong enough to work, I stopped   
being his pride and joy foster son, and more of a servant. Bossing me  
around, making me do his dirty work, barely paying me, making me do stuff  
and "accidentally" forgetting about me..." Ning's voice was growing more and  
more bitter.

"It wasn't until some of Huang Zu's guys told me that once, when Huang Zu   
got wasted, he confessed that I was getting too strong and if I got stronger  
than Huang Zu he'd have me killed, just to make sure I didn't turn on him.  
And you know what that did to me?"

"It would break my heart, if something like that happened to me," I said,  
now understanding fully why Ning hated Huang Zu so much now.

"That's exactly what happened! Here I am, a 16 year old kid, practically  
worshipping the ground he stands on, and I find out that if I get too  
strong, the guy I've thought of as a father's going to kill me. That pissed  
me off big time, so I made myself a sword-- the same one you've seen before,  
might I add-- and that's how I got where I am today."

"Anyways, to get to the point, my life hasn't exactly been a day at the  
park, and you don't (usually) see me going around with a stick up my ass,   
especially not taking it out on my friends and family. If I had one, that  
is." Ning said, coming to a close. "I know I killed his father, and I only  
did it because it was my duty. It wasn't anything personal. How many  
fathers, sons, brothers and uncles has HE killed? Compassion on the  
battlefield gets you killed."

"I guess you're right," I said. I remembered something. "Are you going to  
the funerals later?"

Ning scoffed. "Of course not. I killed the man they're burying, Shang Xiang.  
Does the executioner go to the executionee's funeral?"

I smiled sheepishly. "Um, right. I forgot." I glanced up and jumped a foot  
in the air seeing Da and Xiao headed my way. "Go! Get outta here! Run!" I  
said, turning back towards Ning. "Go!"

"Huh? But--"

"GO!!" I screamed, and Ning ran off, confused. Da and Xiao showed up. "Hi  
guys! What's up?" I said innocently.

"Up yours, Shang Xiang. We know what you're up to," Xiao said, smirking.

"Wh-who told you!?" I asked, blushing furiously.

"We have eyes, Shang Xiang. But that's not why we're here," Da said. "Xiao   
told me that the two of you had an arguement with Tong, (not to mention  
punched him in the head!) and I want you both to apologize."

"Sis, WHY?" Xiao whined. "He was being a big meanie!"

"Yes, I know, but let's remember his father's funeral is today, so he's  
hasn't been himself these past few days," Da said. "Xiao, we're the only  
family he has left, we've got to be there for him."

"I was there for him, and he was a jerk!" Xiao said angrily, stomping her  
foot. "Shang Xiang'll tell you!"

"She's right!" I said. "All Xiao did was hug him, and he got all bent out of  
shape about it. Let's remember, Xiao's son is being buried today, too, and  
she's not acting like a colossal jerk about it."

"It doesn't mean I'm not sad!" Xiao wailed.

"I know, I know. But maybe you should apologize, just because his father  
died. Xiao, we both know Tong never takes anything seriously, but he's way  
off base these days, and we should try to help him out as much as we can.  
And if he wants to be alone, we should leave him alone," Da said, the voice  
of reason as always. "Oh, and punching him in the head was completely  
unneccessary!!" she added, scowling at both of us.

I spoke up. "When my dad died, the two of you, and Tong, were always there  
for me. And I owe it to Tong to be there for him now. So I'm gonna  
apologize."

"Xiao?" Da asked.

"Fine," Xiao pouted.

"Oh, and Shang Xiang? Just a word of advice, but I would highly recommend   
against letting Tong know about you and Gan Ning's little, umm, friendship.  
I think it would upset him highly," Da suggested.

"No kidding," I said dryly. "But, uh, thanks for being cool about it. And  
for the love of god, DO NOT tell either of my brothers, particularly Ce. You  
know how he is."

Da smiled and nodded. "Indeed I do. I'll see you two later." She turned and  
left.

Xiao turned to me. "Wanna go find Tongie-- er, Tong?" she suggested.

"Alright," I said, reluctantly. This would not be easy.

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WHEEEE!! Chapter 13's done, more to come. Any questions, comments, drop me a line, and I'll answer ASAP!!

You know what'd be really cool? FANART!! XD Seriously, if you're artsy like that, draw some fanart! I'll do something nice for anyone who does ;D

See ya!


	15. More Grudges

Disclaimer: I own nothing!! BWAHAHAHAHA-- oh wait, that's a bad thing! SHOOT! Does anyone actually read disclaimers anyway? I doubt a bunch of KOEI executives are sitting at their desks, surfing the web and finding DW fics that don't include disclaimers. XD Shoot, I'm rambling again... Well, anyway, if I owned DW, there would be an unlockable Speedo outfit for Gan Ning, Sun Ce, and Ma Chao. So there.

Notes from t3h author: Alright, updated again:D Hope everyone had a good Christmas. Stuff starts getting more interesting from here on in, so stay tuned! I'll most likely update at least once a week, but remember, I'm trying to hit 100 reviews! Help me on my quest!! (I'm such a review hog. I'm going to hell, dammit.)

Of course I want to stall you longer, so let's do a recap of what happened so far... Xiao Qiao and Sun Shang Xiang just got into an arguement with Ling Tong, so in an angry huff, Shang Xiang storms out, bumping into Gan Ning, who gives her some advice. The Qiaos come along and catch them, then Da Qiao orders Xiao Qiao and Sun Shang Xiang to go apologize to Ling Tong...

As usual, pardon all spelling errors/historical inaccuracies. I go by the games, I don't give a crap what happened in history. Without further ado, I bring to you, the long awaited and fresh off the computer...CHAPTER 14!! WOOOOOO!!

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Outside the door to Tong's room, Xiao looked at me. "You first," she said. "He likes you more."

"No he doesn't, you're his flesh and blood," I complained. "You go."

"Uh uh! You go! I don't know what I wanna say!"

"Just say 'I'm sorry'! You don't need to rehearse!"

"What are you two up to?" Quan asked suspiciously, from behind us both. We both jumped.

"Hey, Quan!" I said. "We were arguing about who was gonna apologize to Tong first."

"Yeah, he was being a big meanie, so we yelled at him and punched him in the head," Xiao said cheerfully, apparently thinking this was a nice thing to do.

"You two got into an arguement with a guy who's miserable because his father died? AND you punched him in the head? That's not very nice," Quan commented. "Anyway, I'll pick which one of you goes first. Shang Xiang, get in there."

"Huh? Why me?" I said.

"Because I am the Supreme Emperor of Wu and I said so," Quan said, winking at Xiao. "Now go. Lady Xiao Qiao, you're up next." Quan walked away.

I grumbled and knocked on the door.

"What?" Tong snapped.

"Tong, it's me. Can I come in?"

"No!" was my response.

"I'm coming in," I said, and opened the door. Tong was lying on his bed and playing with his nunchakus. He glanced at me briefly and shot me a dirty look. "What do you want?" he asked, looking back at the nunchakus.

"I, uh, wanted to say I'm sorry," I said.

"Yeah, whatever. Go away." Tong said.

"I said I was sorry, and I mean it," I said angrily.

"And I said, go away. I don't need your stupid sympathy," Tong said, still not looking at me. "Want to punch me in the head again, while you're at it?"

"As a matter of fact, I lied. I WAS sorry. But I'm not anymore. I don't care if your father died! You're a pathetic, whiny little crybaby who never shuts up for a second and I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR STUPID FACE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!" I screamed.

Tong froze and looked at me. "Oh really?" he said. "Alright then, Princess, tell me this-- was GAN NING there for you when YOUR dad died? No, I don't believe he was! In fact, I think he was WORKING FOR THE GUY WHO KILLED HIM!"

"There you go again, blaming everything on Gan Ning!! At least he's not a jerk!" I said, and stormed out, almost hitting Xiao with the door.

"FINE!! BE THAT WAY!! Try to let the door hit you on the way out!!" Tong screamed.

"Ummm," Xiao said, who obviously heard everything. (The way we were screaming, it's a wonder the whole palace didn't.) "He's still upset?"

"What do you think?" I snapped, and stomped off.

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Now I was the angry jerk. I stomped back upstairs to my room, and bumped into Ce and Zhou Yu. "Hey, Shang Xiang! What's the happs?" Ce asked cheerfully.

"Oh, nothing," I grumbled.

Ce glanced at Zhou Yu. "Talk to ya later, Zhou Yu." He turned to me. "Alright, little sister, what'd you do now?"

"You got time?" I asked.

"As much as you want. C'mon." Ce steered me into the direction of his and Da's room, which from my rememberance always looked like a tornado hit it when it belonged to Ce. I guess when they got married, Da insisted it was kept clean.

"Alright, spill. What happened?" Ce asked, sitting down on his bed. I sat down next to him and sighed. "It's a long, sad story. Xiao and Tong got into an arguement this morning, and Tong said he thinks women are tempermental, and I got angry and called him a jerk. Da convinced me and Xiao into apologizing, and when I went in there, I told him I was sorry, and he didn't believe me. He told me to go away, and, I, uh..."

"And... what'd you say?" Ce asked.

"I told him I hated him, I didn't care about his father being dead, that he was a pathetic little crybaby and I never wanted to see his stupid face again," I said, now feeling the full force of the horrible things I just said to my best friend.

"Shang Xiang, how could you?!" Ce cried. "No wonder he's mad at you!"

"Ce, I was mad! I didn't know what I was saying! My instincts took over!!" I said. "What the hell did I do?"

"**I** don't know," Ce said. "Just do yourself a favor and don't listen to your instincts."

"You hate me too, don't you?" I asked, looking at my brother.

"No I don't hate you, but I sure would if I was Ling Tong," Ce said, putting his arms around me in a comforting hug. "Look, little sister, I'm a guy, and if there's something about guys is that we're always trying to prove how tough we are. Crying like a baby in front of girls, particularly girls we like, isn't tough. So lots of guys, including Ling Tong, is probably trying to hide the fact that he's miserable so nobody thinks he's a wimp."

"That's dumb," I complained. "Besides, he IS a wimp!"

"True. He IS a wimp. But seriously, the thing about us guys is that we love our women and we want to protect them, and no girl's gonna want a wimpy crybaby protecting them. Girls want MEN to protect them, so pretty much guys put on happy faces for the sake of everyone else around," Ce said.

There was a knock on the door. Hopefully it wasn't Ling Tong with an axe.

"Who is it?" Ce called, apparently thinking the same thing I was.

"Me! Lemme in!" said Xiao Qiao on the other side.

Ce made a "my sister-in-law is annoying" face and reluctantly opened the door. "What is it, Xiao-- hey!" he said, when Xiao pushed him out of the way. "Shang Xiang, you big meanie! You made Tongi-- er, Tong-- sad!"

"No I didn't, he was already sad!" I protested.

"Yes you did! When I went in there, he was all sad, and when I asked if he was okay, he hugs me and starts saying he's sorry! He had tears in his eyes!You jerk!" Xiao said angrily.

Ce came over and sat down next to me. "Shang Xiang, you're evil. You made your best friend cry. Now our ancestors are ashamed of you." He paused. "I've taught you well, haven't I?"

"Ce, shut up! Xiao, you're kidding, right?" I said.

"Does it LOOK like I'm kidding?" Xiao asked. For once, she actually looked serious.

"I have to stick with the little psycho, she's serious," Ce said.

"Well, then, what the heck do I do?" I demanded. "I don't want my ancestors to be ashamed of me! How do I cheer him up?"

"You really wanna know how to cheer him up?" Ce asked.

"Yes, hence the question How do I cheer him up?" I said.

"I would suggest gifts, compliments, and going into his room right now and telling him you're insanely in love with him," Ce said, grinning. "That's how Da got me!"

"But that's lying," I said. "I don't believe in lying."

"Aw, come ON, don't even try it, Shang Xiang," Ce said, laughing. "You know you like him!"

"She doesn't, Sun Ce! 'Cause if she did like Tong, then she and Gan Ning wouldn't have been hanging out this morning, and-- uh, I mean, does this dress make me look fat!?" Xiao squealed, grabbing one of Da's dresses on the floor nearby in a feeble attempt to cover up what she just blabbed to my overprotective older brother.

My brother's handsome face was twisted into a mixture of sickened, horrified, and rage. "Xiao Qiao, it's been nice seeing you. Well, not really, I'm not gonna lie. Get out," he ordered, in a low, I'm-very-angry-at-my-sister-and-I'm-going-to-kill-her tone.

"Ummm... bye!" Xiao said, racing out the door.

"Shang XIANGGGG!" Ce screamed, turning on me.

"Hi, bro," I said feebly.

"Don't you "hi, bro" me!! You're having an affair with that new guy, aren't you? The creepy scary one with the tattoos!?" Ce said.

"First off, since I'm not married, it's not an AFFAIR, and no, I'm NOT!" I said. "We're just friends, and besides, it's none of your business who I date!"

"Yeah, it is! I'm your brother, remember? I don't want you doing stupid stuff that'll end up hurting you in the long run!" Ce said angrily. "Besides, that guy looks like bad news! Just look at him! He's covered in tattoos, he's always angry, he's half-naked-- don't you dare look at me like that, Shang Xiang-- and he's... um... a pirate! So there!"

"This is EXACTLY why I didn't want you to know!" I said. "I KNEW you were gonna freak out about it! I didn't care when you started dating Da, now did I? NO! Because I can mind my own business!"

"You dumbass, you ARE my business! I'm your older brother, it's my DUTY to make sure my little sister-- and my little brother, for that matter-- aren't doing stupid things! I make your life miserable because I love you, Shang Xiang! So quit being a moron and listen to me!"

"Why SHOULD I listen to you OR Quan? All you want me to do is marry Ling Tong! I don't want to, alright? I can barely even talk to him these days without an arguement! So get off my back about it! Nobody FORCED you to marry Da!" I said angrily.

"Actually, Pop forced me to marry Da, but I actually did love her, so technically that didn't count," Ce commented. "He just wanted me to get married already. But that's not the point!!"

"Do you even HAVE ONE!?" I screamed, jumping up angrily.

Ce grabbed my arm and pulled me down next to him again. "Shut up and listen to me. Shang Xiang, it's fine by me that you don't want to marry Ling Tong. If I was a girl I wouldn't either, since he's unbearably annoying, AND a wimp. In fact, I don't want him as my brother-in-law."

"Technically, he's your cousin-in-law, since he's Da's cousin," I said.

Ce looked disgusted. "Ew. Look, if you must know, the only reason Quan and I ever considered you marrying Ling Tong was because he seemed to be the only guy around here who you didn't have a problem with. All the single guys are either too old or too young, and Ling Tong's about your age. That's it. So relax, OK? Believe me, Quan knows exactly how you feel about arranged marriages."

"Anyways, I just don't want you getting involved with a guy who gets his head turned by a pretty girl, then sticks with her, until he sees another pretty girl and dumps her. I mean, come ON. Doesn't that guy LOOK like the type?" Ce asked.

I had to admit, big bro had a point. "I guess you're right there," I said.

"Good. So you'll forget about Gan Ning and find a better guy, right?" Ce said.

"Nope," I said. "I'm gonna PROVE TO YOU that Gan Ning's a great guy!" I got up and left.

"Shang Xiang, that's NOT what I had in mind!" Ce hollered.

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WHEEEE!! Chapter 13's done, more to come. Any questions, comments, drop me a line, and I'll answer ASAP! Once again, if you want to draw fanart of the story, go ahead and do so! I'll try and do something for ya :-)

See ya!


	16. Best Friend

Gah, I must apologize to you, dear readers... I fell off the face of the earth and I have no lame excuses as to why I did. So, here is Chapter 14, and since I feel like turd for letting this story sit here and die for so long, I will continue updating every day this week. :

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A couple hours later, I had given quite a bit of thought to what Ce said. It looked like if I ever wanted things to go back to normal again, I was going to have to A, apologize to Tong, and B, prove to my bonehead big brother that Gan Ning was a great guy. Oh boy. I didn't know what was going to be harder.

During the duration of the funeral services for both Ling Cao and Zhou Yin, Quan pretty much blabbed on about what good people they were, even though Zhou Yin was only 5 months old, and didn't do anything except sleep, cry, eat, and leave suprises in his blankets. Nobody picked up on that.

Anyway, Quan apparently thought it was a good idea to have Ling Tong speak about his father, and for Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao talk about their son. Umm, not a good idea. Tong's speech went something like "My father was a great guy, UNTIL GAN NING KILLED HIM!! AND I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL KILL YOU, GAN NING! I HATE YOU AND I'M GONNA RIP YOUR STINKING HEAD OFF AND SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK UNTIL YOUR BODY EXPLODES!! BASTARD!!" until Huang Gai hit him with his club to shut him up.

Zhou Yu and Xiao's speeches started off with Zhou Yu saying, "Our son was the most delightful little bundle of joy a happy couple like us could ever ask for" which caused Xiao to start crying hysterically. I could almost tell she had also been keeping her feelings bottled up inside of her.

Zhou Yu hugged her, trying to cheer her up, and eventually had to carry her away too because she was crying and screaming "I WANT MY BABY!! I WANT MY BABY!!" so hysterically she couldn't stand up.

Da wiped a sympathetic tear from her eye and looked down at her own pregnant belly. Ce hugged her tight.

I glanced over at my other brother, who was scolding Ling Tong, who wasn't paying attention. He looked angry and miserable at the same time. I couldn't help but feel a bit guilty.

"I feel terrible about Xiao Qiao," said Lu Xun behind me, causing me to jump a foot in the air. "Look how sad she is. I don't think I've ever seen her so sad before."

I nodded. "Xiao's always looked to the bright side about everything. But I guess she's been so upset about this, she's been trying to cram it inside of her, and, well, BOOM."

"Kinda like someone else I know," Lu Xun commented, glancing in Ling Tong's direction. "I heard what happened, Shang Xiang."

"Really? The word sure spreads fast around here," I said.

"No, I mean, I actually heard the yelling," Lu Xun explained. "The whole palace did, in fact. As a matter of fact, I--"

"I get the point, Lu Xun," I grumbled, cutting him off. "So, tell me, which one of my brothers coaxed you into coming over here and dropping guilt bombs on me?"

"Actually, neither," Lu Xun said. "Da Qiao did."

I should have seen that coming. "Of course. So what else did she tell you to tell me?" I asked.

"Um, nothing. I finished," Lu Xun said. "So, nice weather?"

"It's lovely," I said shortly. "Look, Lu Xun, I appriciate you coming over here, but next time Da asks you to play messenger, tell her to stick it up her--"

"Shang Xiang!" Lu Xun said, shocked.

"Anyway, a little piece of advice-- watch yourself," I commented.

"I, uh, don't know what you mean," Lu Xun lied.

"Yeah, right. Keep your distance and don't let your master find out," I said.

Lu Xun blushed and scurried off. I glanced back at Xiao, who was still crying. Lu Xun obviously liked Xiao Qiao, in a way that was much more than professional, but Zhou Yu would certainly have a few choice words to say about THAT. (Words like, "I'm gonna kill you!!" and "How dare you fall in love with my WIFE!!")

Anyway, the rest of the day dragged on. Everyone was pretty down, mostly feeling sorry for Ling Tong, Zhou Yu, and Xiao Qiao. I walked smack into Ling Tong in the hallway, (on purpose- I wanted to see if I could get a reaction) but he just got up and went off again as though he didn't even see me.

Later, Da Qiao informed me that A, I should be ashamed of myself, B, Xiao was crying again, and C, I should be ashamed of myself.

"Why should I be ashamed of myself?" I said angrily. "I didn't kill his father!"

Da gave me the you-know-what-I-mean look and walked off.

"Geez. Is everyone a jerk today?" I muttered, and stomped off to my room to go to bed.

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When I woke up, I realized my room was pitch black. Apparently it was later than I thought it was. I stumbled out of my bed, tripped over something and landed on one of my chakrams I stupidly left lying on the floor, slicing my arm open.

"Ow!" I said angrily, fumbling around for something to wipe my arm up with. I settled for a pair of shorts, held it against my arm, and groaned. I was stuck in the middle of a minefield.

I took a few steps carefully, and walked right into the door of my large room. "Ow!" I muttered, pushing the door open and leaving. At least the stupid hallways were lit up. I glanced down and remembered I had slept in my clothes and shoes.

I walked down the hall, figuring I'd run into a maid or someone who could help me patch up my arm, which was bleeding quite hard. As I walked, I heard a weird noise. What the heck?

I found the site of the noise, which turned out to be coming from inside of Ling Tong's room. I wanted to keep walking, but figured being as stupid as he was, he might have rolled out of bed and landed on something and be in mortal peril.

Or worse, what if he had a girl in there!? Well, um... who cares if he does!? I rolled my eyes, really hoping he was lying on something sharp, pushed the door open and went in.

To my relief, he was alone, fast asleep, and fully dressed. But when I got closer he obviously wasn't having a nice sleep, seeing as he was tossing and turning in his sleep and covered in sweat. (Ew.) I highly considered whacking him on the head to wake him up, but instead shook his shoulder.

"Hey, stupid! Wake up!" I said.

"F-fatherrr..." Tong moaned, and rolled over again. "I'm not your father! Wake up already!" I grumbled, shaking him more.

"You... can't be... Not... dead," Tong murmured again, and rolled over again.

"What're you talking about??" I said. "Wake up, you idiot!"

"DAD!!" Tong screamed, sitting up suddenly. "D-dad? Where are you?" He finally realized he wasn't asleep anymore, and then noticed his door was open. "Hey! Who's in here!?" he asked. I heard fumbling around. "I'm armed! Show yourself!"

I crouched down, hoping he wouldn't notice me. Unfortunately, he had just grabbed his nunchakus and jumped out of his bed, causing him to trip over the big lump on the floor (me) and land on the ground.

"Ow! Hey!" Tong said, getting up and kicking me. "Who are you and what are you doing in here?" He kept kicking me until I got up.

"Ow! It's me, you dunce! Cease fire!" I said angrily, sitting up.

"Well in that case, EAT THIS, SUCKA!!" Tong kicked me again, this time pretty hard!

"OW! You're gonna pay for that, ya jerk!" I yelled, knocking him over.

"Get outta my room, GAN NING!!" Tong screamed, jumping up and shoving me in a place I'd rather not mention. (up top) "Whoa! What the hell!?" he said, apparently noticing something wrong.

"I'm not Gan Ning! I'm Sun Shang Xiang! And if you ever do that again I'm gonna castarate you!" I said, pushing him off me.

"Oh. Hey, Shang Xia-- wait a minute, I almost forgot!! I'm mad at you! What the hell are you doing in my room in the middle of the night when I was sleeping? And why am I covered in blood!?" Tong demanded.

"That's not YOUR blood, it's MINE!" I said angrily.

"Ew!"

"Not THAT kind of blood! It's ARM blood! I walked by your stupid room to bandage my stupid arm UP, when I heard you making these annoying noises! I went in there to wake you up, so you'd STOP, and then you attacked me!"

"Yeah, sure!" Tong snapped. "And you expect me to believe that!?"

"I don't particularly care if you do or not! Shut up and go back to bed!"

"I would if there wasn't a MANIAC in my room!"

"I am NOT a maniac! What the hell were you dreaming about!? You were making a lot of noise!!" I snapped.

"I was actually having a nightmare, about my FATHER. But then again, you don't CARE, do you?" Tong asked nastily.

I sighed. "Um... about earlier, when I said those things... I, uh, didn't mean that."

"Uh huh." Tong didn't sound convinced.

"Tong, look. I was pissed as hell at you earlier today, and that's why I said all those nasty things. I didn't mean them. I'm sorry. So, do you forgive me?"

Tong was quiet for a minute, then said, "Yeah, what the hell. I guess I can't stay mad at you for very long."

I smiled. "So we're friends again?"

"Damn straight," Tong said.

Awkward pause.

"Should we like, hug or something?"

"Yeah, why not. Nobody's looking." We hugged briefly.

"Hey, can you do me a favor?" Tong asked, as we let go of each other.

"What?" I asked.

"GO AWAY, so I can go back to sleep! Geez!" Tong said, getting back in his bed.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. See you later," I said, leaving.

A loud, obnoxious snore informed me that Ling Tong was asleep again.

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AAAAND they're friends again!! Woohoo!!

Alright, for the sake of the story I'm conducting another stupid, completely optional survey- if you'd like to add some input into how the story might/will end, then feel free to fill it out. Ready? OK!!

Just copy/paste this into your review thingy and fire away. You don't have to answer all the questions, and don't worry about being nice, tell it to me straight. Please use good enough grammar so I can understand you.

**Favorite character(s), (and why you like them):**

**Character that seems most in-character:**

**Least favorite character(s) (and why):**

**Any events/scenes you'd like to happen:**

**Your favorite part of the story is...**

**Your LEAST favorite part of the story is/has been...**

**Who do YOU want to see SSX get with in the end, and why? (Either Tong or Ning; Give me a good response here!)**

**Any other off-or-on-topic questions/comments for me:**

No, this is not a scam to get more reviews. And as usual if you hated it, feel free to rip me a new one.

That should do it, thanks guys!! See ya tomorrow :D

Peace out for now... I'm SLEEEEPY :D


	17. Tournament Fun

It may be 12:25AM, so I am 25 minutes late on my promise to update everyday, but WHO CARES, nobody'll see this until the morning anyway. Too lazy to spellcheck or grammar check, so if you see something spelled wrong, deal with it.

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After all the commotion, I went back to my own room to catch up on some sleep. It didn't feel like I got much sleep, but when I was awoken by Da Qiao running in my room yelling, "SHANG XIANG! SHANG XIANG!!" it was already sunny outside.

"What?" I groaned, sitting up.

"I'm so proud of you!" Da squealed, jumping onto my bed, (yes, while she's pregnant) and hugging me so ferociously I thought my arms would break off.

"Ouch! What did I do?" I asked, inhaling deeply once she let go. Word of advice-- never let a Qiao sister hug you. They mean well, but GEEZ they're strong!

"You apologized! I'm so proud!" Da said.

"How'd you know?" I asked.

"I heard you two screaming at each other, and since I'm a light sleeper I could hear everything, so I listened in," Da explained. "Lord Sun Ce is upset with me, he says I need to relax more and get more sleep, or the baby won't be healthy."

"Yeah, whatever. Da, is breakfast ready? I'm hungry," I said.

"It should be," Da replied. "Hurry and get dressed!"

"Oh yeah, how's Xiao doing?" I asked.

"She's almost back to her old self. Just say absolutely nothing about babies or funerals, and we'll be fine," Da said. "She and Tong are back to their old normal cousin-love-hate relationship again, which is a relief."

"Alright, go away so I can change," I said. I looked down at my sheets and yelped, seeing my arm was covered in dry blood. I forgot to bandage it.

"Ew," Da commented. "See ya!" She left.

I got up and changed into my DW4 outfit, (once again, author laziness) messed my hair up and washed my face and arm up. "Da! Wait for me!" I yelled, racing out of the room and down the stairs.

Da glanced up. "Wow, you change fast," she said.

"I'm hungry," I replied. "That and, you walk slow." We scurried down the stairs and into the Main Hall, where everyone was eating.

"Hey, everyone! Shut up! I have an idea!" Sun Ce yelled, standing up from his seat. I sat down next to Xiao and Da sat down next to me. "What's he yelling about?" I asked Xiao.

Xiao shrugged. "I dunno! Something dumb, I'm sure!"

"Okay, Quan's been telling me that the peasants of Wu don't like living here no more, so I've got an idea to make them happy. How about we have National Free Food day?" Ce suggested.

"That blows," Huang Gai piped up. "We need something fun."

Ce thought again, then said, "How about we make Ling Tong take his clothes off and run around the country naked? Every single woman in this country likes him more than all of us put together! It'd be a hit!"

Tong blushed and hid under the table. "That WOULD work," Quan said, actually considering it. "But think about the children. We wouldn't want to scar them for life, now would we? They're still so young!"

Tong popped back up again. "Hey!" he said angrily. "What's that supposed to--"

"Wait, I got a better idea! How about a Martial Arts Tournament?" Ce suggested, cutting Tong off. "It'd be fun! We have a tournament, we kick the snot out of each other until somebody wins, and the crowd goes wild! It'll be great!"

"That sounds fun," I agreed. "And it sure beats Tong streaking. Come on, that just calls for an EW!"

"Hey!" Tong complained. "What do you mean by--"

"But wait, won't we kill each other?" Xiao asked, cutting Tong off.

"No weapons," Ce said. "We fight hand-to-hand, martial arts, that sort of thing. It'd be great!"

"It would be!" Quan agreed. "So, we charge 500 gold a person, and we'll be rich!"

"WRONG, little brother. If we charge them, they won't think it's fun, now will they?" Ce said. "We let 'em in free, we give 'em free food and free souveniers (cheap ones), launch some fireworks, and then we kick 'em out! It'll be great!"

"What do we get when we win?" Zhou Yu called.

"A warm fuzzy feeling on the inside," Ce said, rolling his eyes.

"That sucks! Give us a prize!" Zhou Tai complained.

"Fine, fine, ya greedy jerks. Ummm..." Ce grabbed Lu Xun's hat. "Winner gets this dinky little hat!"

"Hey!" Lu Xun whined.

"So when do we fight?" I yelled.

"Tomorrow!" Quan yelled. "We might as well!"

"TOMORROW!?" Tong cried. "The people don't have enough notice! They don't even know we're having a tournament!"

"Sure they will! Guess what you all get to do today!?" Quan said enthusiastically.

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"This is ridiculous," I growled, riding up to some peasant's door. A girl around my age answered it. "Oh my! It's Princess Sun Shang Xiang!" she yelled.

An older man came to the door and bowed. "Is there anything I can do, Lady Sun?" he asked.

"Yes. Come on down to the 1st Annual Wu Generals Martial Arts Tournament, sponsored by the Sun Family! Come see Wu generals beat the snot out of each other! And have I mentioned it's totally free? No, I'm not kidding you! Come on down and you'll have fun! Free food, refreshments and entertainment provided!" I said, reading off the letter Ce gave me to read.

"We'll be there!" the man assured. "Will Ling Tong be there?" the girl asked eagerly.

"Yes. He will," I said, still reading off the paper. "See you!" I left.

The rest of the day pretty much dragged on like that, with me and my other fellow generals riding around the countryside, telling people about the tournament. That night, we had pretty much gotten to everyone. However, running all around the country all day had made us all realize something by the time dinner rolled around...

"I'm exhausted," Da complained. "Pregnant women should not be doing this kind of manual labor!"

"Do you know how many crazy girls attacked me today?" Tong whined. "I didn't even know Wu HAD that many girls!"

"My feet hurt," Xiao wailed. "My horse wouldn't let me ride him anymore, so I had to walk!"

"Somebody hit me with a chair!" Ning said angrily. "They thought I was making an assault on their kid and tried to kill me!"

"Hungry," Zhou Tai growled.

"Everybody SHADDUP!" Ce yelled. "You guys are pathetic! Come on, you're in no shape to fight tomorrow!"

"Oh, that reminds me. Is killing legal?" Tong asked innocently, glaring at Gan Ning.

"No. If you kill Gan Ning, Ling Tong, we're taking away your clothes and throwing you to those crazy girls," Ce said, laughing.

"I still think that's a better idea," I whined. "It saves me the trouble of getting up and doing anything. We can give the children blindfolds or something."

"Well, I don't!" Tong complained. "Do you know what those girls will do to me?"

"They're not gonna kill you!" Xiao said.

"They'll kill me on the INSIDE," Tong said with a shudder. "They're gonna torment me until I am no more! They're gonna--"

"Quit being gay," Ce said impatiently. "Last time I checked, having thousands of women crawl all over your naked form was a GOOD thing!" Noticing Da glaring at him, he added, "Except of course when you're happily married! Hahahaha! Don't kill me, baby," he added.

"Only because our child needs a father, darling," Da said.

"That still doesn't solve my problem! Someone--" Tong whined.

"Ling Tong, stop being such a drama queen. Alright, when all you wimps are done eating, go to bed. You're fighting tomorrow whether you want to or not," Quan said, cutting Tong off for the hundredth time that day.

"What about YOU?" Ce asked.

"I'm the announcer/gong ringer! I can't fight!" Quan said.

"Excuses, excuses," Ce said, shaking his head.

Pretty soon, everyone finished eating and we all headed back to our individual rooms to get some sleep. I was asleep the minute my head hit the pillow.

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Ugh, pretty much no action/anything in this chapter, but the tournament starts in the next chapter and we'll catch up then. So until then, I'm too sleepy to add any more additional comments/sarcasm. Review, see you tomorrow. Good night all.


	18. So it begins

A'ight, it appears my half-year long absence from this site has lost some of my faithful reviewers, but Lady Xiao and Paupu, I love you both, thanks for staying with me. :D

Uhh, nice and long chapter today. Woohoo for you guys, I guess. ;D This chapter's actually got some ACTION in it; unbelievable, I know, we're done with shitty dialogue for a while and we get into some real fighting. Woohoo.

And as usual, too lazy to spellcheck/grammar check, so any mispellings can burn in the depths of hell. Haha. I don't care. Normally I can spell stuff reasonably well, so I don't think there's too many errors anyway.

Just out of curiosity, does anyone actually read this crap, or do you just skip to the story? I admit I skip author notes and go straight to the story; if anyone actually reads this, put "Cheese" in your review. :D Enough crap, story time!!!

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The day of the first annual Wu Martial Arts Tournament had finally dawned, and all of the generals had gathered in the large auditorium behind the large stone stadium.

We could already hear the townspeople and the peasents gathering inside and sitting down on the stone benches some of Wu's soldiers had placed for the comfort of the onlookers. From what it sounded like, the unofficial Ling Tong Fanclub had arrived, judging by the constant shrieks of "WE LOVE LING TONG!!" emitting from the stands.

Tong looked annoyed. "I keep TELLING them to stop following me!!" he whined.

Quan cleared his throat. "Alright, everyone who is competing, please step up to this table so we can get the basics clarified. I want nice, clean fights-- no weapons, either-- with no cheating or no dirty sneak attacks. That means NO KICKS BELOW BELT."

Some of the guys winced at the thought. "Shang Xiang, don't play coy, I see you giggling over there," Quan scolded.

"What? I'm not gonna do anything!" I said innocently.

"Shang Xiang, if I believed that to be true, I wouldn't be your brother. Anyways, I want all of you to fight well, give these good people a show, and most of all, have fun!! Haven't you always wanted to give one of your fellow generals a good punch in the nose, without fear of being charged with treasony?" Quan asked.

I wasn't the only one who noticed Tong shooting Gan Ning evil looks. I rolled my eyes. If those two fought, I already pitied Gan Ning.

"So! I want all of you to write your names down on this piece of paper I am now passing around. I will drop your names into--" he snatched Lu Xun's hat-- "THIS hat. I will pick your names and whoever is out first and second, third and fourth, fifth and sixth, and so on will fight! The winners of those matches will move up, and we'll keep going until we're done!" Quan said.

We all scribbled our names down on the papers (as expected, Gan Ning didn't know how to spell his own name, so he drew a picture of himself instead) and tossed them into Lu Xun's commandeered hat. Quan rolled up his long sleeves, plucked a name out, cleared his throat, and read:

"Sun Shang Xiang!"

"All right!" I said. Hopefully I'd get put up against some wimp for my first match. (Lu Xun would be appriciated.)

"Fighting against her will be... Taishi Ci!!"

My jaw dropped as I watched Taishi Ci crack his knuckles. "Don't expect any mercy, Princess," he said.

Uh oh. That wasn't what I had in mind.

"Second match, we have... Ling Tong!"

"Cool!!" Tong said happily.

"Fighting against... Xiao Qiao!"

"Yay!!" Xiao cheered, while Tong groaned. "I'm gonna beat you up, Tongie!!"

"Round Three, we have... what the hell? Wait a minute, that's Gan Ning! You're not a very good artist, are you?"

"Buddy, I used to be a pirate. I make do with what I've got," Gan Ning said.

"Versus... Lu Xun!" Quan continued, ignoring Ning's smart-mouthed response.

"Oh no! Why me?" Lu Xun wailed, looking scared for his life.

"Don't worry, little buddy, you're not gonna die," Ning said, grinning and thumping Lu Xun on his shoulder, causing him to topple to the ground. "Oops. Well, um, I'll try not to hurt ya too bad..."

Lu Xun groaned. "I'm dead."

"Round Four, we have... Lu Meng! Versus... Zhou Yu!" Quan said, waving the paper around.

The strategists casually nodded to each other, neither reacting too dramatically.

"Round Five, we have... Da Qiao! And her opponent will be--"

"WAIT JUST A DAMNED MINUTE!!" Ce yelled, waving his arms around like a giant insect and smacking Da Qiao in the face, I assume by accident. "My pregnant wife will NOT be participating in this!! Oh, and sorry, honey!"

Quan squinted at the paper. "According to this paper, she is."

"NOT WHILE IT'S MY KID IN THERE!" Ce screamed, jumping up and down in his rage and pointing to Da's body. She hadn't been pregnant long enough for any significant size increase, so Ce was just being stupid.

"Placing your name in this hat is equivalent to a blood oath. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Once you're in, you're in," Quan confirmed."

"In-sane, more like," Ce growled.

"Don't worry, my lord!" Da said, rubbing her nose, which was bleeding due to Ce's previous spaz attack. "Besides, if I back down then we'll have an odd number of contestants!"

"Anyways, Da Qiao will be fighting... Huang Gai!!"

Huang Gai grunted. "Are you KIDDING!?" he asked. "I'm not fighting a pregnant woman!"

"Oh, my poor heart," Ce said, and fell over onto his back. Da and Xiao whipped out their fans and fanned him to conciousness again.

"Sixth, and final round will be... my dramatic older brother, and Zhou Tai. That concludes it!!" Quan said. He dumped the names out of the hat, returned it to Lu Xun, and quickly scribbled everyone's names and assigned matches onto a larger piece of paper. He handed it to a nearby guard, who scurried off to nail it in view of the spectators.

"Alright, now go out there and kill each other!! But, um, not really," Quan added as an afterthought. "You're no good to me dead..."

I turned to Tong frantically, who still looked annoyed about being matched up with his spazzy cousin. "Tong, what am I gonna do!? I can't take Taishi Ci on!! He's bigger than me!! And look at all that armor!!" I whined.

Tong grabbed my shoulders and shook me to calm me down. "Shang Xiang, relax. He's a slow runner. You're anything but. Just make him chase you around, he'll get tired and lose. The end."

"Why didn't I think of that?" I wondered.

"Because you're dumb," Tong replied promptly.

Before I could knock his teeth out, Quan yelled, "SHANG XIANG, TAISHI CI, GET OUT THERE!!"

No time to hit me! GO!" Tong said, and pushed me out there.

I gulped. That was a lot of people!! I was used to fighting, but not in front of an audience.

I noticed the large booth set up by some peasants, where other peasants bet on which general they thought was going to win. Hopefully somebody bet on me over Taishi Ci.

I looked around blankly. I noticed the "WE 3 LING TONG" club was taking up 1/4th of the benches, and they were all waving pennants that said stupid things like "GO LING TONG" or "YOU ROCK" or "WE HATE THE PRINCESS" or "TONG IS GONNA WIN--" hey, wait a minute!!

We hate the Princess, eh? I'll show THOSE morons who's boss. I turned around angrily, waiting for Quan to ring the gong symboling the beginning of the match.

BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGGG!! The gong rang, and the fight began. Taishi Ci charged at me, and I screamed and dove to the left. He tried to charge me again, but I was, as Tong predicted, too fast for him. I jumped right over him, and he tried to get me again. No use.

After nearly 20 minutes of evading Taishi Ci, the poor guy finally had enough and collapsed on the ground. He either got tired of chasing me, or worked up such a sweat that he collapsed of heatstroke. But who cares!? I won!!

Tong and Xiao were standing outside, waiting for us to finish so they could start their match. I turned around and ran towards my friends. "Tong!! You were right!!" I squealed. Knowing perfectly well that the Ling Tong fanclub was watching and cursing my every move, I promptly threw my arms around my best friend's shoulders in a big hug.

The hissing and booing of the Ling Tong fanclub increased so dramatically the arena shook. "Good lucccccck," I said cheerfully, and let go of my friend.

"Th-thanks," Tong said, rubbing his head and looking embarrassed. I turned to Xiao. "Watch out for those crazy girls up there. They might throw stuff."

Xiao nodded and raced up onto the platform to fight. Tong shot me a "I can't fight this crazy girl" look and I grinned at him. This should be amusing.

Let me take a second to explain what I call the Qiao Paradox. Not many people understand this, but Dong Zhuo, Sun Ce, and Zhou Yu certainly do. And I'm afraid my dear friend Ling Tong will soon become one of the unfortunate members of this list. Ahem.

People often believe that "the smaller someone is, the weaker they may be." They also, rather foolishly, apply this to the Qiao sisters. Well, if you understood the Qiao Paradox, you'd apply the "Big things come in small packages" thought.

The Qiao sisters may LOOK like delicate flowers, but they possess incredible, god-like strength. This is the reason Dong Zhuo was unable to have children, at least until Lu Bu chopped his head off. It is also the reason my brother and Zhou Yu fell in love with these dynamic girls.

Anyway, I hoped Xiao wouldn't knock ALL of Tong's teeth out of his head. Maybe, since they were cousins, she'd be merciful and only knock out two or three.

"Xiao, don't make me hurt you," Tong said, looking bored.

"Don't worry Tongie!! It'll be over soon!" Xiao said happily. Another thing-- chances are, if a Qiao was beating the stuffing out of you, she was doing it politely, with a big smile on her face. Ugh.

Quan rang the gong, and the match began.

Xiao promptly bounded right up to her cousin and grinned at him. "Sorry, Tongie!" she said, and punched him right in the stomach. Judging by Tong's sudden gasp of air, she knocked the wind right outta him.

Tong got up, looking shocked, but Xiao's merciless attack had already begun. Everyone who was watching Xiao, the beautiful flower of innocence, beat the living daylights out of Ling Tong, one of Wu's valuable officers, had a jaw dropped down to the floor. Zhou Yu was smiling proudly, (he understood the Qiao Paradox) and Ce, who was standing with his arm around Da, suddenly looked rather frightened of his wife and took a step back. (He understood, and feared, the Qiao Paradox)

Back to the battle. Tong was actually trying to fight back now, but it was fruitless-- Xiao was too fast, too flexible, and way too merciless!! She really WAS beating the stuffing out of him. "Xiao!! Cut it--" Xiao kicked him in the leg-- "OW!" Tong whined. "Knock it-- oof!" Xiao punched him again.

(In case you're wondering, the Ling Tong fanclub appeared to be performing a ritual to summon a herd of angry locusts to attack and brutally murder Xiao Qiao. What a bunch of losers.)

"THAT DOES IT!!" Tong screamed. "Ow," he added as an afterthought. He grabbed Xiao by her leg, and swung her around, trying to dizzy her. He swung her around maybe 3 or 4 times-- Xiao's eyes were doing pinwheels-- and dropped her.

"Ugggh!" Xiao wailed, trying to stand up, but completely dizzy. "I can't... move!!" she whined. She held her leg out to balance herself, and her foot kicked Tong in his crotch. HARD.

Tong dropped like a brick. "OW!!" he screamed, pain written all over his sweaty, bloody face. (Xiao really beat the hell out of him.) "MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!" he yelped, curling up into a ball and writhing in agony.

Quan scurried down to the insanity on the platform. "Ling Tong appears to be incapacitated, but... Xiao Qiao performed an illegal attack and therefore is disqualified!! By a living miracle, Ling Tong wins!!"

Xiao was too dizzy to protest, and Tong was too pain-stricken to cheer. Zhou Yu hurried over to escort his wife back into the building (looking terrified of her at the same time), and Quan helped Tong up. "Shang Xiang, help me out here," Quan said, and promptly dumped Tong on top of me.

"AAGGGGGGH!! It hurts to move! That insane little spaz nearly killed me!!" Tong wailed, slumping on top of me. I felt something. "Tong, that had better be sweat trickling down your leg..." I growled.

"Sorry... I was trying to hold it, but I reaaally had to go... and that kick didn't help-- HEY!" Tong said, as I threw him off me.

While he was lying on the floor, Gan Ning walked by me, heading towards his match. "Hey-- good luck, Gan Ning!" I yelled, before I knew it. Ning turned around and grinned at me. "You got it, baby!" he yelled. He winked at me and left.

"I don't know what's worse, you flirting with that creep, or the fact that you're doing it when I'm RIGHT HERE!!" Tong complained.

"Oh, be quiet," I said, still dazed that Gan Ning just looked at me. What's wrong with me!?

"No! I will NOT be quiet! I'm NOT gonna sit around and let you-- HEY!! It's like I'm not even HERE anymore!" Tong whined, as I walked off and left him lying there, whining and complaining.

"Uggggggh..." I groaned, walking up to the front lines to watch the battle. Ce and Da were nearby, but they were in lovey-dovey mode and I wanted nothing do to with THAT parade. Ew.

I instead focused my attention on the battle ahead. Gan Ning was up there, cracking his knuckles and looking disgusted about his battle against Lu Xun. Lu Xun, on the other hand, looked like he was about to either cry, beg for mercy, or piss his pants where he stood. Or worse, do all three.

"So who're you liking in this fight?" Lu Meng asked, obviously being sarcastic. I smiled. "Gan Ning, without a doubt. Lu Xun doesn't stand a chance against him."

"So I've heard, Princess," Lu Meng replied.

"Huh? What have you heard?" I asked, confused.

"Well, I'm not a man for gossip, but I do recall seeing you and Gan Ning engaging in rather--affectionate, shall we say-- behavior the night of the Xia Kou banquet," Lu Meng said in his usual dull matter-of-fact tone.

"Oh, THAT! He was wasted! He didn't know what he was doing!" I said, laughing it off.

"Uh huh." Lu Meng didn't look thoroughly convinced and went away.

Stupid know-it-all. Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao came back in, Xiao whining that she lost, and I stormed over to Zhou Yu. "Zhou Yu, I order you to kick the snot out of Lu Meng in your match," I growled.

"Umm.. okay," Zhou Yu said, looking confused.

"AND GAN NING WINS!" Quan yelled, causing all of us to run to the window and watch. Apparently Lu Xun had purposely thrown himself out of the ring to avoid being killed by Gan Ning, making Gan Ning the winner.

"Man!" Ning complained. "I didn't even break a sweat!"

(Since the author is lazy, I'll sum up the tournament here)

By mid-day, we were done with the 1st round of the tournament. Zhou Yu defeated Lu Meng (THANK YOU; I think I cheered louder than Xiao did); Huang Gai refused to fight Da Qiao, and surrendered; and Ce had beaten Zhou Tai.

"Alright, the 2nd round is going to begin!" Quan yelled, calling me, Ling Tong, Gan Ning, Zhou Yu, Da Qiao, and Sun Ce over. "1st match will be Sun Shang Xiang vs Ling Tong; 2nd match will be Gan Ning vs Zhou Yu; and 3rd match will be Da Qiao vs Sun Ce!"

"WHAT!?" Ce said. "I am NOT going to fight my pregnant wife!"

"Sure you are!" Quan said cheerfully, leaving to make the announcement to the spectators. "Either you do that, or you surrender!"

Tong was still in a lot of pain from Xiao's merciless beating on him earlier, so I assumed it'd be an easy victory for me. "Shang Xiang?" he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Can you go easy on me? I hurt in places I didn't know existed," Tong whined.

I snorted. "HAH! You're goin' down!"

"Aw, man... I'm so dead," Tong whined again. "I can't even stand up..."

Xiao came running in. "Tongieeeeee!!" she squealed.

"What do you want? Come to beat me up again?" Tong asked.

"No! I found this meatbun floating in mid-air and I thought I'd give it to you!" Xiao said cheerfully.

Tong eyed it suspiciously. "What'd you do to it?" he asked.

"Nothing!" Xiao protested.

"Floating in mid-air?" I repeated suspiciously. Since when did meatbuns float?

Tong shrugged. "Well, if this thing kills me, that means I'll be spared the embarrassment of getting my ass kicked by ANOTHER girl in public, so what the heck!" He stuffed the whole thing in his mouth and swallowed it whole. "Hey! Wait a minute! I feel completely better!" Tong said, jumping up.

"No fair!" I complained. "Xiao, how could you?"

Xiao giggled. "Don't get mad at me! I didn't know it was a magic meatbun! Besides, Tongie already got beat up by one girl! He can't get beat up by TWO in one day!!"

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Hey, Shang Xiang, guess what? YOU'RE goin' down!" Tong said, laughing at me.

"We'll see about that," I snapped. "If Xiao can beat the snot out of you, I sure can!"

"Wait a minute!" Ce wailed, popping into this conversation. "I can't fight Da! Aside from the fact that she's my wife, she's a QIAO! I don't wanna get beat up by a QIAO!!"

"Take it from someone who's been there. It hurts like hell," Tong said, patting Ce's shoulder. Ce groaned. "You're supposed to cheer me up! Now I will never let you marry my sister!"

"Wh-what!?" Tong stammered, his face turning unknown shades of red. "Wh-why would I want to marry her!?"

"Gee, I dunno. Maybe you can overlook my hideous face and shitty personality," I said sarcastically.

"That's NOT what I meant!!" Tong wailed.

Ce snorted. "Funny, making fun of Ling Tong seemed to make me forget my troubles. I should do that more!"

"What troubles?" Zhou Yu asked, joining in. "Well, aside from the fact that you're going to be obliterated by your own wife in a few short minutes."

"THANKS for reminding me, Zhou Yu! Some pal you are!" Ce complained. "Now my troubles have returned."

"Don't take it out on ME!" Tong complained.

Da giggled innocently. "Don't worry, my Lord! I would never hurt you!" She thought for a second. "Well, not on purpose." Ce whimpered in fright and clung to Zhou Yu, who shot him a "get off me" look.

Quan popped his head in the room. "Ling Tong, Shang Xiang-- get out there, and give these good people a show!!"

"Later, guys," Tong said.

"Yeah, this shouldn't take long," I added, and we headed out.

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Three chapters in three days. I am great.


	19. Bring on the beat down

Holy poop, I'm suprising myself. Normally I'm not so dedicated to keep updating stuff like this. Two more days of rapid updating and I can slack off for a couple months-- weeks-- days. Sorry. :D

Hey, too bad I didn't have the same motivation before school let out!

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The Ling Tong fanclub apparently had gotten more signs since I'd last been outside, since they now read "KILL THE PRINCESS", "DESTROY THE PRINCESS", "OBLITERATE THE PRINCESS" and, finally, a "LING TONG RULES" sign amidst the hatred.

Ouch. Talk about feeling the love.

"Well, at least someone supports me," Tong complained.

"Yeah, but not for long," I answered. I turned towards my brother, who rang the gong starting the battle.

"Look, Shang Xiang, I don't want to hurt you or anything. So any time during this fight, if you feel any pain at all, just tell me and I'll finish you off. Got it?" Tong asked, raising his fists.

"Whatever, ya big wimp! Let's go!" I yelled, getting into a fighting pose.

"WHAT did you just call me!?" Tong said angrily. "That's a nice thing to say to a guy who's going easy on you!"

"Pft! Ya mad? Come and get me!" I replied. The only way to actually get him to shut up and fight me was to piss him off, which I was very good at doing.

"You overconfident bitch! I'm gonna kill you!" Tong screamed, and swung at me. I yelped and blocked. "Is that all you got? Pathetic!" I said, swinging back. Normally I'd smack him for calling me a bitch, but I didn't care. Angry Tong was fun to mess with!

"Ow!" Tong yelled, my fist colliding with his shoulder. "I was gonna go easy on you, 'til you opened your big mouth!" he yelled, swinging at me.

"Owowowow!" I yelped, blocking. Even though I was blocking his fists, the impact was hurting my arms! "AAOW!!" I yelled, when Tong's fist collided with my jawbone.

Tong apparently realized he was dead. "Put a sock on it, ya moron!" I yelled, kicking him in the head, causing him to stagger back a few feet.

"OW!" Tong yelled. "You're gonna pay for that!" he yelled, kicking me back.

"OW!" I yelled, getting kicked in the stomach. I got him back by punching him back in the head.

Our fight pretty much carried on like that, both of us kicking, punching, and not to mention screaming profanity at each other. "You're better than I thought! But I'm gonna end this, NOW!" I yelled, swinging at my friend.

"HAH! In your dreams!" Tong yelled, swinging right back.

I punched Tong in the face at the exact same time he punched me in mine. All I could think was-- OW! THAT HURT!

"..."

We both stood there, our fists mashed into each other's face, until after maybe 20 seconds Tong whined in pain and fell on the ground with a THUD. Not even a second later I landed on the ground with another THUD.

"Ugh... I fell... half a second... after you did... making me... the winner..." I wheezed triumphantly, giving the thumbs-up sign.

"Dammit... you better... not have... busted my face..." Tong groaned.

The crowd was quiet, then exploded with cheering. (Yes, the Ling Tong fanclub was booing louder than life itself.) "Unbelievable!" Quan yelled, scurrying out into the ring and stepping over the two of us. "In an INCREDIBLY close match, Sun Shang Xiang fell 20 seconds after Ling Tong did, making her the winner! Sun Shang Xiang goes onto round 3! Ling Tong goes home with NOTHING!!"

"Except a busted face..." Tong whined. "Ow..."

More cheers, followed by booing from the Ling Tong Fanclub. "Hang on, Shang Xiang, I got ya," a voice I recognized to be Ce's said, scooping me up. "C'mon, let's get you outta here..."

"Hey! Aren't you forgetting someone?" Tong groaned.

"Umm... HEY, GIRLS! OVER HERE!" Ce yelled, waving over the Ling Tong Fanclub.

"What? No!!!" Tong wailed, unable to move as the screaming stampede charged over. "This isn't happening! HEEEEEEEELP!!" he screamed, while two of the girls dragged him off by his leg.

Ce carried me back inside and sat me down on a chair. "You okay?" he asked, and Da and Xiao ran over to see if I was alright.

"Yeah... I'll live.. is my nose busted?" I asked, wincing in pain.

"Naw, it looks OK," Ce said, tipping my chin up to get a good look.

"Sun Ce, you've got to help me. How do I beat that maniac Gan Ning?" Zhou Yu asked, scurrying up. "I need some advice, quick."

Ce thought. "Advice for the fight, or the hospital?" Seeing the look of pure terror on Zhou Yu's face, he laughed and said, "I'm kidding, bro. I honestly don't know how to beat that guy; from what I've seen, he's pretty tough. Give it all you've got, and don't be a weenie and give up like Lu Xun did."

Zhou Yu sighed, walked over to Xiao and took her hands. "Xiao Qiao, my sweet wife? Will you still love me if I get my face crushed by Gan Ning?"

Xiao beamed. "Of course I will, Zhouie! I love you for who you are, not what you look like!"

Zhou Yu seized Xiao and hugged her. "Oh, my dear Xiao Qiao, you don't know how, um, relieved that makes me feel," he said.

"But, um, try NOT to get your face mashed in," Xiao said quickly. "I'll love you if you're all mangled, but I'd rather you stay pretty, OK?"

Zhou Yu sighed and slouched out dramatically. "I'm dead," he grumbled.

Ce and I exchanged glances. "He's dead," we said in unison. I realized something. "Oh no! I have to fight the winner of this battle!" I wailed. "Zhou Yu, TRY AND WIN!" I yelled at Zhou Yu's retreating figure.

Gan Ning headed out after Zhou Yu, looking bored. "Come on," he grumbled. "How about someone challenging?"

Me, Ce, Xiao and Da headed out to watch the match. Zhou Yu and Gan Ning were both in fighting stances, ready to go, (except that Zhou Yu looked rather pale) when Quan rung the gong. Zhou Yu, probably wanting to get his inevitable doom over with, swung a kick at Gan Ning's head, who blocked the kick almost easily, looking bored.

Gan Ning took advantage of this and kicked Zhou Yu back in the stomach, knocking him backwards onto his butt. Zhou Yu yelped, got up, and charged Gan Ning, punching him right in the face.

Strangely enough, this got a reaction. "OW! My face!! My face!!" Ning yelped, grabbing his face.

"Ha!" Zhou Yu said triumphantly.

Gan Ning slowly lowered his hands. His nose was bleeding (I cringed on the inside) and he looked quite angry. "I'm gonna KILL YOU!" Ning screamed, kicking Zhou Yu right in the neck. (Xiao screamed and covered her eyes)

Zhou Yu went flying and Gan Ning went after him, where poor Zhou Yu was balancing right on the edge of the ring. Gan Ning poked him and Zhou Yu landed with a THUD outside the ring.

"RING OUT FOR ZHOU YU! GAN NING WINS!" Quan yelled, and the crowd exploded again. Zhou Yu groaned and stood up, wobbling a bit. Xiao ran out and helped him limp back into the waiting house where Ce, Da, and I were waiting. "Zhou Yu!!" Xiao wailed, hugging her husband. "Are you okay!?"

"I'm... fine, Da Qiao," Zhou Yu groaned, rubbing his neck and chest.

Xiao yelped in fear. "Zhouie!! I'm not Da Qiao!! I'm Xiao Qiao!! Your wife? Remember?"

"Oh, yes... you're my wife... Xiao Qiao... Ooh.. that Gan Ning packs a punch..." Zhou Yu groaned, apparently out of it.

"Don't say that!!" I whined. "I gotta fight him next!"

"H-how many fingers am I holding up!?" Xiao asked frantically, holding up 2 fingers.

"November?" Zhou Yu said, then fell over unconcious. Xiao screamed in fear.

"Oh, shoot! I almost forgot!" Ce said. "I gotta fight my wife next!"

Da smiled and hugged her husband. "Well, my Lord, we might as well get this over with!" She walked on out.

"How do I hurt my wife?" Ce wondered, heading out.

"Owww... Shang Xiang, is my face okay?" Ning groaned, coming back into the room.

"Um... yeah, handsome as always," I said, blushing.

"Good. Excuse me while I mop up the dry blood..." Ning said, and left again.

Xiao snorted. "Shang Xiang, you're pathetic." She turned back toward Zhou Yu. "Zhou Yu? You remember me, right?"

"Of course I do. You're Xiao Qiao, my loyal wife," Zhou Yu said. "By any chance, did you get the description of that horse that plowed into me? I'd like to speak to the owner."

"AAAH!! He doesn't remember!!" Xiao screamed. She looked at her husband's face again. "Shang Xiang, does his face look okay to you?" Xiao asked, terrified.

I looked. "Yeah, I guess. Hey, have you noticed that every single guy we know in this kingdom cares more about their face than they care about us?"

Xiao rolled her eyes. "Yeah, it always makes me sad when Zhouie would rather look at a mirror than me, but you get used to it."

"NEXT UP, WE HAVE SUN CE, VS THE LOVELY DA QIAO! NOW, SUN CE AND DA QIAO ARE MARRIED, AND THIS MAY HAVE AN IMPACT ON THE WINNER OF THIS BATTLE!" Quan hollered from outside. "If Sun Ce and the lovely Da Qiao would like to GET THEIR ASSES OUT HERE, we could begin!"

"Oops, sorry!" Da pologized, sprinting into the arena.

Ce reluctantly shuffled onstage and sighed. "Da, baby, c'mon! You're pregnant!"

"I'll be fine, my Lord," Da protested.

Quan rung the gong, and the battle began.

"Now, my Lord, before I defeat you mercilessly, I want you to know I love you, you're the greatest man in the universe, and a true warrior of the Three Kingdoms!" Da said, obviously apologizing for the whooping she was gonna give my brother. Ce looked like he was thinking hard (shocker) and walked over to Da, who was still talking.

"Lord Sun Ce, I hope that the outcome of this battle will not change your love for me, or anything else like that," Da said, not noticing Ce picking her up and carrying her over to the edge of the ring. "So let us begin this battle, and--"

"Da?" Ce said.

"Yes, my lord?" Da asked.

"I win," Ce said, and gently placed his wife on the ground OUTSIDE of the ring.

"HEY! NO FAIR!" Da screamed angrily, stomping her foot. "My Lord, you TRICKED me!"

"Yup!" Ce said cheerfully. "What were you saying before, that once you beat me, you hoped I would still love you?"

Da sighed. "Alright, my Lord, you win. BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN I'M HAPPY ABOUT IT!!" She stomped back towards the waiting building, muttering profanity _**I**_ didn't even know. (And I have two older brothers!)

Xiao and I exchanged glances as Da stomped past us. "Sis? Are you okay?" Xiao asked, poking her sister.

Da turned to face us and hissed at us. Amazing how scary that girl can be.

"Um... SUN CE WINS!" Quan yelled. "WE'LL HAVE A SHORT INTERMISSION BREAK, THEN MOVE ON TO THE SEMI-FINALS! SUN SHANG XIANG AND GAN NING WILL FIGHT, AND THE WINNER OF THEIR MATCH WILL FIGHT SUN CE IN THE CHAMPIONSHIPS!!"

"Whaaaaaat!?!" I yelled. "I can't fight Gan Ning! My nose is bleeding!"

Gan Ning himself even protested. "Mine too!! C'mon, I don't fight girls! Let her drop out, and I'll fight Sun Ce!"

"WHAAAAAAT!?!" I yelled again, rearing on Gan Ning. "YOU'RE goin' DOWN, pirate boy!" I wheeled back towards Quan. "Quan! Ring that gong! I want to get this over with!!"

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Oooh, cliffhanger. :D Man, two more days of this extreme updating and I can take a break. If I keep updating this thing every day, I'm gonna run out of chapters, and have to write some NEW ones... UGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH... I'll have to dig up my copy of DW5 and PLAY IT to get some inspiration...

(See, the thing with my writing style, and the thing about me that pisses so many of my readers off is- I don't write anything until I get the urge to write it. Basically if I'm not feeling it, I don't want to slap some crap onto a chapter and present it to you guys, like this...

Ssx: Oh ning I lve u

Neng: Hah I luv u 2 letas make out

they make ot ling tong comes in

tOng: omg Ssx i hate you!!!!!

SXx & niNg: omg w/e

tey make outmore & linG t0nb jumps off a clif

teh enddd

See? Wasn't that atrocious? The English language is crying right now. I think there should be a circle in hell for every person who's ever substituted the word "you" with the letter "u" in a story. Gives me the hives.

And NO, that's not the ending of the story, I wouldn't blow it like that :D But anyways, for all those annoying "Plz reviw soon" reviews, CUT IT OUT. Either give me a decent review or-- alright, I'm not gonna say DON'T REVIEW AT ALL, because I am greedy and evil and I like reviews. D

I do (somewhat) appriciate all reviews I get, and I will usually try and reply to them if I have time/have something good to say other than "Thank you, stay tuned" which sounds really pathetic. You guys give me compliments on my writing, the least I can do is give you a good response. :D

Speaking of which, I read through the beginning of the story again and realized half the crap I wrote there contradicts all the crap I've written here. Oh well, I don't care. I would re-write Chapters 1-7, but, lazy.

Geez, the notes are longer than the chapter. Go figure.


	20. Grand Slam

I realized how piddly this chapter was in comparison to all the others, so I decided to add not one, but TWO chapters today. Double the writing, double the work, but double the fun for you, so there you go. :)

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Quan looked a little puzzled, but nodded. "Alright. Gan Ning, are you ready?"

Gan Ning glanced at me and nodded. "Alright, fine. Let's go."

"Ladies and gentlemen, forget what I said about the break! The semi-finals begin now, Sun Shang Xiang vs Gan Ning!"

"Shang Xiang, I don't want to hurt you," Ning said, while we walked back into the arena.

"Why? Because I'm a girl?" I snapped.

"No! Because you're my friend, and I really like you!" Ning said.

I swear, my face blushed so red I almost died. "I-- I like you too," I stammered. "B-but I really want to win this!"

Ning sighed. "Then you leave me no choice. Prepare yourself, Shang Xiang!" He got down in a fighting stance, probably ready to kick my sorry butt.

Uh oh.

Quan rang the gong and Ning didn't waste any time. Before I could even lift my arms, he already grabbed me, locked his arms behind mine and clasped his hands behind my neck, completely immobilizing me. Oh, great. I was stuck.

"Shang Xiang, give up," Ning said, almost pleading with me.

"N-no, never," I groaned, trying to struggle free.

"C'mon! I know this hurts you! I'm not letting you go until you throw the match!"

"You forgot one thing, Ning!" I said, having a brilliant idea.

"Yeah? What?"

I stomped down as hard as I could on Ning's foot. "YEOUCH!" he yelped, letting me go and grabbing his foot. Even through his boot, I had managed to hurt him enough to let me go.

"You sneaky little demon!" Ning said angrily, hopping up and down. "That's it! You're goin' down!" He got up, and before I knew what hit me, he grabbed my wrist and flung me right out of the ring. When I finally realized I was sailing through the air, I slammed into the wall around the arena.

"AARRRGH!!" I yelled, sliding down on the ground, outside of the ring.

"Shang Xiang!!" Ning yelled, racing after me and kneeling down next to me. "I'm sorry! Are you OK?"

"Ugggh... I... think..." I groaned. Geez, my head hurt!

"GET OUTTA MY WAY, SISTER-KILLER!!!" Ce hollered, pushing Ning out of the way and heading towards me. "Shang Xiang!" Quan yelped, also running over to me, forgetting to do the commentary. "Are you OK!!?" both my brothers said, panicking.

"Ow..." I groaned, and blacked out.

When I woke up, I heard voices. "Quan, you remember that time when Pop asked me to always make sure you two, especially Shang Xiang, were safe? Does letting some creep slam her into a wall fall under that catagory?" Ce asked.

"HEY! I said I was sorry!" Ning whined.

"You didn't have to slam her into a wall!" Quan protested. "She's much smaller than you are! Oh, and YOU'RE FIRED!"

"WHAT!?" Ning yelled. "I didn't KILL HER!!"

"But you DID kill my daddy!" Obviously Ling Tong.

"WILL YOU BUTT OUT!?" Ning screamed.

I sat up. "Guys, relax. I'm fine..." I groaned, rubbing my head. "What happened?"

"You fainted," Da replied, back to her old calm self.

"How long was I out?"

"5 days," Xiao said, looking serious.

"WHAT!?" I screamed.

"I'm kidding! You weren't out for long, maybe 5 minutes," Xiao giggled.

"Ce!! Quan!! Shut up, I'm fine!!" I said to my brothers. "Shut up, Shang Xiang, can't you see we're having an mature convers-- SHANG XIANG!!" Quan yelled, and both my brothers ran over to me and hugged me. "Oof!" I grumbled.

"See, Quan, I told you a tournament was a stupid idea," Ce said.

"IT WAS YOUR IDEA, YOU MORON!!" Quan screamed, hopping up and down in his rage.

"Um, guys, we have a problem," Ling Tong hollered. "The people want to see the final match already!"

"Huh? Oh yeah, I fight Gan Ning, right?" Ce asked, his face twisting into an evil grin, quite similar to his wife's. "Yes, let's fight!"

"Oh boy. I'm dead, aren't I?" Gan Ning asked.

"Beyond dead," Ce informed. "I'll show you what I do to guys who hurt my little sister!"

"Wait, Sun Ce. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you can't kill Gan Ning," Tong said. "If you kill him, you lose the tournament!"

"Damn! Oh, alright, I'll beat you to half an inch of your life. Is that legal?" Ce asked Quan.

Quan shrugged. "Sure, why not. It'll bring our ratings up."

"Let's go!" Ce yelled. Gan Ning groaned and the two of them headed out.

"Well, I suppose it can't hurt to get a front row seat, can it?" Zhou Yu asked eagerly.

"Yeah, I can't wait!! Gan Ning's gonna get pulverized!" Tong said evilly.

"You really have problems, don't you?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

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No author sarcasm required; go to the next chapter, and revieeeeew!! Revieeeeeew!! I'm at 80 something reviews right now, how awesome is THAT:D All thanks to you guys, of courrrrse...


	21. Equal Opponents

What's today, Thursday?? Hmm... since I did two chapters today, I'll do one more chapter tomorrow and give myself the weekend. That's fair, right?

Well technically all I'm doing is copy/pasting from my master story into a Word document, then uploading it on here. I wrote all these chapters almost a year ago. :D

I have about 10 chapters left to upload, and they cover the Nanman campaign and various other stuff that happens later on. :D But if I keep speed-updating I'm gonna run out of chapters, and have to start WRITING THEM AGAIN... AAAAGGGHHH...

Oh, and my absolute favorite quote from this chapter is- Ling Tong- "Nothing could possibly make this moment horrible!"

Truer words couldn't be found. :D Well, in THIS story.

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Ce and Gan Ning's fight was definitely getting the crowd roused. Of course, everyone wanted their beloved Prince Sun Ce to win, (the Ling Tong fanclub appeared to be quiet-- they liked Gan Ning for kicking the snot out of me, because I kicked the snot out of Tong, but they still hated him because Ling Tong hated him. MAN am I confused) but some people were rooting for Gan Ning, who was starting to get a fanclub of his own.

We watched as Ce and Gan Ning stretched briefly and got down in fighting stances. I hated to admit it, but I had a feeling my big brother was in trouble. Gan Ning was very strong, and Ce was a lot weaker than he normally was, due to the fact that he was incarcerated for 2 years.

"Come on, Ce!" I yelled at my brother. Sure, Gan Ning was hot, but I loved my big brother and wanted him to win.

I wasn't the only one. "KICK HIS FILTHY ASS, DARLING!" Da screamed. We all looked at her, suprised. Da wasn't the type to act so, um, rashly in public. (Then again, she did hiss at us today.)

"LET THE MATCH BEGIN!!" Quan yelled, and rang the gong. Gan Ning threw a kick at Ce, who blocked, but still skidded back a few feet due to the impact. Ning didn't waste a minute and swung a punch at Ce, who caught Ning's fist and punched him right back.

Gan Ning caught Ce's fist, and Ce kicked Gan Ning in the stomach, bringing him down hard. Gan Ning got up angrily and managed to land a punch on my brother's face, sending him back a few feet.

Enraged, the formerly sweet and innocent Da Qiao screamed, "YOU MANGY PIRATE!! IF YOU SCAR MY CE-CE'S FACE I'M GONNA CASTARATE YOU!!" Ling Tong, looking delighted, hugged Da. "I love you, my sweet little cousin," he squealed, obviously happy that "I-hate-Gan-Ning-itis" was spreading.

Ce was still crouching down on the ground, holding his face. Gan Ning walked over, probably to finish him off, when Ce's fist shot up and smashed into  
Gan Ning's jaw. Gan Ning yelled and staggered back a few feet, holding his jaw. He angrily lunged at my brother, who grabbed Ning's arm and threw him clear over his shoulder.

Gan Ning went flying and hit the ground face-first, but he still wasn't beat! He looked like he was about done, seeing as he had to struggle to get back on his feet again. He gasped for breath and coughed up blood on the ring. "Ew," Xiao, who was standing right next to me, said. "I hope that big jerk loses! Look what he did to Sun Ce!"

Gan Ning charged at Ce again, and punched him in the face. Ce yelled and punched him right back. The fight had dragged on for a while now, with  
pretty much no results. Ce was bleeding from his mouth and forehead, and Gan Ning had a steady nosebleed and was coughing up blood. Their clothes were torn and frayed, their breathing was pretty heavy, and it looked like neither one could take much more.

"I can't believe this... we're dead even," Ce said. "You're... you're pretty damn good, Gan Ning..."

"You're... not bad yourself, Sun Ce," Gan Ning said with a smirk. "This might take a while."

"I.. wouldn't count on that," Ce said, smirking back. "I'm... I'm not gonna lose. I don't care what I have to do to beat you... but I sure as hell will...!!" Ce charged Ning again, who grabbed Ce by his arm and tried to throw him the same way Ce did before.

Ce, however, was ready, and, using Gan Ning's leg as a boost, pulled his arm free and flipped completely backward, his leg slamming into Gan Ning's already busted jaw.

Finally beaten, Gan Ning yelled a cry of pain and collapsed on the ground. Ce landed on the ground and watched as Gan Ning frantically tried to get up.  
Quan, who had been as mesmerized in the battle as everyone else was, remembered he had to start the countdown and yelled, "5! 4! 3!" as Gan Ning struggled to stand up. He managed to crawl up onto his knees, and when Quan yelled, "2!" managed to stand upright.

"Unbelievable!" Zhou Yu said. "He's unbeatable! This is unfathomable! It's just plain--" Xiao clamped her hand over Zhou Yu's mouth. "Enough already, Zhouie! We're trying to hear!" she complained.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE! IT'S UNFATHOMABLE!! GAN NING JUST PLAIN REFUSES TO LOSE!" Quan yelled. "I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER THIS CAN GO ON!"

Gan Ning was able to stand for 20 seconds, then his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fell down to the ground, unconcious.

"Ummm... IN PROBABLY THE BEST FIGHT OF THE DAY, AFTER A GRUELING AND NEARLY EQUAL-MATCHED FIGHT OF AMAZINGLY GOOD MARTIAL ARTS, SUN CE EMERGES VICTORIOUS!! GAN NING IS UNCONCIOUS AND CANNOT CONTINUE THE FIGHT!!" Quan yelled, jumping up and down. "SUN CE IS DECLARED THE 1ST ANNUAL WU MARTIAL ARTS TOURNAMENT CHAMPION!!" He ran down onto the ring and grabbed Ce's arm.

"SUN CE!! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS AMAZING BATTLE!?" Quan yelled.

Ce looked exhausted. "Uh... hooray?" he said.

(AN: Geez! Sorry about all the upper-case lettering!!)

"HOORAY INDEED!!" Quan screamed, while the crowd went wild and ran down from the stands to see Ce up-close. "TAKE HIM!" Quan yelled, throwing Ce to the crowd.

"Hey! Quaaaaaaaaaaan!! I'm gonna kill you!!" Ce wailed, being whisked away by the cheering peasants.

(AN: Yes I know they did not have mosh pits back then, but I am the author and I may write whatever I please. :P)

"No! Sun Ce!" Da wailed, racing after her husband. "IF YOU SLUGS DON'T PUT MY CE-CE DOWN, I'LL BURN YOU ALIVE UNTIL YOUR PATHETIC BODIES EVAPORATE!!" she screamed at the peasants. The peasants, terrified of this tiny, pregnant, and enraged woman, screamed, dropped Ce on the ground ("Oww!") and ran away screaming for mercy.

I noticed Tong with a huge smile on his face. "What're you smiling about?" I asked.

"Your brother, kicking the crap out of Gan Ning! Why WOULDN'T I be smiling?" Tong said happily. "This is the greatest day of my life! Seeing Gan Ning get  
beaten like that was the best thing I've ever seen in my life! Nothing could possibly make this moment horrible!"

"Hey Tongie! Guess what you are? You're the only boy in the whole stadium who got the snot kicked out of him by two girls in one day!!" Xiao yelled, popping into the stadium.

Tong's face turned a bright shade of red. "Shaddup!" he yelled at his cousin, who giggled and ran off again.

"What were you saying, about this being the greatest day of your life?" I said, laughing.

"You shut up too!" Tong said, now angry. And he thinks WOMEN are tempermental!

As we promised the peasants, the day ended with a rousing fireworks show, courtesy of Zhou Yu and Lu Xun, who set them off. I FINALLY caught up with  
my brother, who was being bandaged by the medic, and congradulated him on his win. "Thanks, sis," Ce said, hugging me. "I kicked the snot out of that jerk because of what he did to you, y'know!"

I grinned. "It's great to have you back, bro," I said. "But you gotta start training again! You're still tough, but 2 years ago you could have knocked Gan Ning right out of the ring no sweat!"

Ce yawned. "Yeah, I guess I'll have to start soon. But not now, I'm sleepy! G'night, sis! Tell Da I went to bed if you see her, OK?"

"OK. G'night, bro," I said, and Ce left. I left the medic tent, figuring I'd go find Xiao or something, since I was bored, when someone yelled, "Hey, Shang Xiang!" from behind me. I turned around, and saw it was Gan Ning, also leaving the medic tent.

"Hey!" he said, heading over to me. I noticed he was pretty banged up, seeing all the bandages all over his body. "Hey!" I replied, waving at him.

"Hey, look, I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for what happened earlier. I guess I didn't know my own strength," Gan Ning said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. "You OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said. "I have to say, you were incredible out there!"

"Not really. I lost, remember?" Gan Ning said.

"No, I mean... my entire life, I've always known my brother was the strongest, toughest guy around, and I always felt so safe when I was with him. So to meet a guy who was almost as tough as he was... well, you sure don't see that every day," I explained.

"Oh, I get it. You and your brother are pretty close, aren't you?" Gan Ning asked.

"Yeah, I guess we are. When we were kids, Quan was always more interested in reading or studying, so Ce and I would play together almost all the time. He taught me basic martial arts, too, and I expanded on that on my own," I said.

"Hey, looks like they're shooting off more fireworks," Gan Ning commented, pointing up to the sky.

"Ooh, those are pretty!" I said, as a large multicolored one shot up into the air.

"Yeah, I guess they are," Gan Ning said. "You know what else is?"

"No, what?" I asked.

"You are," Gan Ning replied. And without further words, he pulled me closer to him, wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. Even though I knew anybody could be watching me, and how dead I'd be if one of my BROTHERS was watching me, I didn't care. I wrapped my arms around Gan Ning's neck and he pulled me closer to him.

"OH MY GOD!! SHANG XIANG!!" screamed a very familiar voice.

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Haha. Cliffhanger. You'll find out TOMORROW, TOMORROW, I LOVE YA, TOMORROW, YOU'RE ONLY A DAY AWAYYYYYY, TOOO-- gets hit with a brick Oww.

Haha, while I'm at it, let me tell you guys a funny story about some weird reviewer who sent me an email yesterday at 3:14AM (Pi time! Woohoo!) by the name of "yaoigrl" to inform me of the following. Since I could barely understand what this fruit loop was trying to tell me in 133t n3tsp33k I've done my best to translate what it is she wanted me to do.

Apparently she was replying to my question at the end of one of these chapters asking "Who should SSX end up with and why" and apparently, she wants me to end the story with SSX's death and Ling Tong and Gan Ning, in their grief, uhh, (trying to find a way to put this in a non-explicit way) fall in love. Yeah. Then she tells me "u suk n ths story sux 2".

I've decided not to dignify this crap with an answer. Honestly, if you're gonna flame me, MAKE IT GOOD!!


	22. Oooh, Busted

Alright, fine, so it's 12:22 AM right now, but who cares, as far as I'm concerned I kept my end of the deal:D

Woohoo, enjoy... it's too late and I can't think of anything witty/necessary to put here.

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I had never wanted to kill my best friends more in my entire life than that very moment. Here I was, lip-locked with this AMAZING guy, who seemed to like me as much as I liked him, and the Two Qiaos had to show up.

I slowly and reluctantly pulled away from Gan Ning, who looked as irritated and embarrassed as I did. "What could you possibly want right now?" I growled at my friends. "This had better be good!!"

"Uh, Shang Xiang? I'm gonna go," Gan Ning said, letting me go and running off. Da looked stunned, and Xiao looked like she'd just been named the Emperor.

"Shang Xiang? Can we talk to you?" Da asked, finally speaking. "Anything you want to tell me, I'm just going to ignore," I snapped. "I already know what you're going to say. You're going to tell me that Gan Ning is evil and I don't know what I'm doing."

"Actually, no, that wasn't what I was going to say," Da said. "Shang Xiang, I don't care if you want to, um, date Gan Ning, but I would highly recommend  
doing those kinds of things in less public places. Anyone in Wu could have seen you. Imagine if Sun Ce or Lord Sun Quan had seen you? Or perhaps, our cousin Ling Tong?"

I hated to admit it, but Da had a point there. "Alright, fine, you win," I said. "But you two gotta promise to keep this quiet, OK?"

"Promise," Da said. "Yeah, I promise!" Xiao said.

"Xiao, are you for sure this time? Last time you blabbed to Ce, and got me in trouble!" I complained.

"Sorry!! It slipped out!!" Xiao pouted.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm just glad it was you guys instead of someone else," I said, slightly relieved.

"Yes, well, us too," Da admitted. "I'd hate to think about how dead you would be if Sun Ce saw you."

"Yeah, and Tongie would probably--"

"Probably what?" Tong asked, showing up and cutting Xiao off. "There you are, Zhou Yu's looking everywhere for you. He even punched me in the nose for 'almost hurting you'!"

"Oh, he is? OK!" Xiao said, and ran off screaming, "ZHOUIEEEEEEE!! I'M COMING!!" A couple of peasants, the same ones Da had threatened earlier, screamed and ran away, apparently mistaking Xiao for her sister.

Tong watched her run off, and turned back to us. "What was she talking about, anyway?"

"We were talking about the upcoming Nanman battle," I lied. "Xiao thought you'd probably want to come, too!"

"Oh, OK then," Tong said. "And yeah, I do want to come! Did Lord Sun Quan tell you when we're going?"

"Nope, not yet," I replied. "Soon, though, since Quan wants their help attacking Shu."

"I hate Shu," Da piped up. "That man Zhang Fei scares me."

"You met Zhang Fei?" Ling Tong asked. "When?"

"I've never actually met him, but Sun Ce told me about him," Da answered. "He sounds like a drunk maniac who spends more time drinking than actually fighting."

"Sounds like someone else we all know," Tong added darkly."I just saw that pathetic loser. For some reason he looked like he'd won a million gold pieces. Anyways, I'm exhausted from getting beaten up by insane girls all day, so I'm gonna hit the hay. See you two later." He left.

"Good lie," Da said, looking at me. "Do you ever feel bad lying to your best friend?"

"Nope," I answered. "Not when I'm lying so I don't hurt his feelings, that is. And Da? Can you do me a big favor?"

"Hmm?"

"GET OFF MY BACK!!" I said angrily. "Geez!" I stormed off towards my own room to get some sleep.

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The next day, at breakfast, Quan called me over. "Shang Xiang, have you talked to your generals for the Nanman Campaign yet?"

"Huh? Oh, um, I talked to Ling Tong, and he wants to come," I said.

"Uh huh. Alright, see if you can round up maybe 2 more people," Quan said. "I'd like it if you all could set out tomorrow. We need allies, fast. Our  
scouts are reporting that Wei is making suspicious movements up North, and I'd like to get as much aid as we can get, in case Cao Cao, or even Liu Bei, tries anything."

"OK," I replied. "Can I eat now?"

Quan nodded and I headed over to my usual seat, next to Ling Tong and across from the Qiaos.

"Wha uz hat bouf?" Tong asked, his mouth stuffed full of food. I raised an eyebrow. "Come again?" I asked.

Tong swallowed and said, "What was that about?"

"Oh, Quan wants me to get the Nanman Campaign generals together already," I said, reaching for some food. "He's worried that Liu Bei or Cao Cao might try and attack us, while we're vulnerable."

Ling Tong rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like Liu Bei'd be stupid enough to attack US. Does he even have any land yet?"

"I doubt it," I replied. "Anyway, it's mainly for the Cao Cao problem. Ce told me that Yuan Shao died, and Cao Cao conquered the Yuan family when their forces were in shambles, and he took over all of the Northern territory. And that's bad."

Xiao looked angry. "I hate Cao Cao," she said. "That guy is such a creep! When Sis and I were younger, he'd come to our home all the time and ask our  
Papa to let him marry BOTH of us, since he couldn't choose which one of us he wanted more!"

"Ew," I said, disgusted.

"Well, that's why we're here today, Xiao Qiao," Da reasoned. "If Father hadn't brought us to Wu, to protect us from Cao Cao's tyranny, we wouldn't have met our husbands, or Shang Xiang, or--"

"Or even Tongie!" Xiao said, beaming at her cousin.

Tong groaned. "Don't remind me," he complained, stuffing more food in his mouth.

"Sis, remember when we got kidnapped by Dong Zhuo?" Xiao asked. "He's a creep too! I hope he's dead!"

"Fe shis," Tong said, who had a mouth full of food. "Fu Pu shihled fim."

"Beg your pardon," Da said, looking disgusted.

Tong swallowed. "Yeah, he's dead, Lu Bu killed him a couple years ago. Then Cao Cao killed Lu Bu, and took his hot girlfriend as his concubine or whatever."

"MAN that guy's nasty," I said.

"Yeah, from what I understand he has this tower filled with all the most beautiful women in the world," Tong said. "He's got a whole TOWER dedicated to the Two Qiaos, Tong Qiao Tai or whatever it's called. Wouldn't mind taking a field trip there, if you get what I'm-- OWW!"

Yes, I punched him.

"Ewww!" Xiao wailed. "Sometimes I wish I wasn't pretty!"

"Hey, think of the alternatives. You could be ugly, like Shang Xi-- YEOUCH!" Tong yelped, when I punched him in the head pretty hard. "I was kidding Ouch!" he said angrily, rubbing his head.

"Jerk," I snapped. "Just for that little remark, YOU'RE not coming with me tomorrow!"

"Oh come on!! I was KIDDING! You know I don't think you're ugly!" Tong said. "No fair, you already told me I could come! I wanna come! I--"

"OK, OK, fine! You can come! Just quit whining already," I said, interrupting him. "But if you ever call me ugly again, I'm gonna pile-drive you off a cliff!! AGAIN!!"

"No fair," Xiao pouted. "I wanna come, too!"

Tong snorted. "Tough luck, girlie. Leave the fighting to the real men." He glanced at me, who was about to clock him for the second time today. "And you too," he added, looking scared.

Gan Ning came over and sat down next to Zhou Yu, not looking at me. Obviously he was trying to keep it low-key.

"Oh, that reminds me!" Xiao said. My eyes widened and I kicked her in the leg underneath the table, scared about what she was going to say. "OW!! What the heck was THAT for?" Xiao yelled, rubbing her bruised leg.

"I, uh, think Shang Xiang wanted to make sure you weren't going to tell our cousin about her, um, personal secret," Da said, hinting the obvious to her little sister.

"I wasn't gonna say that!" Xiao said angrily. "I was GONNA tell Tongie that his birthday's in 2 weeks!"

"Huh? Oh, oh yeah, it is," Tong said. "Hey! I finally get to drink!"

"We've lost another one to the dark side, guys," I complained. "How come you guys get to have all the fun?"

Tong shrugged. "Hey, I don't care! I'm just glad I was born with a--"

"OKAY, OKAY, OKAY!! We get your point, Tong!" Da said, clamping her hands over her ears before this conversation got a little too graphic.

"I'm gonna go ask Sun Quan if I can have a wild party!" Tong said, leaping up from his seat and racing off towards my brother. I could already tell him the answer was NO.

Gan Ning didn't skip a second. He jumped up from his seat so quickly that Zhou Yu screamed and dumped his super-hot dim sum all over his lap, and ran over to me. "Uh, Shang Xiang? I thought about what happened last night over for like 5 minutes and I think we should keep this a secret," he said, so fast I had to mentally rewind and figure out what he said.

"Oh! Yeah, that's a good idea," I said. Ning looked at the innocent Two Qiaos, who obviously were eavesdropping. (Well, Da was; Xiao was more  
concerned with mopping up the boiling hot porridge in her husband's lap.) "Can we, uh, trust you two? Please?"

"Of course," Da replied. "Any friend, or, err-- boyfriend-- of Shang Xiang's is a boyfriend of ours!" Xiao said. "OK, Zhouie, it's gone! Go change your pants!"

Zhou Yu groaned and left. Gan Ning smiled. "Thanks, guys. Shang Xiang, here comes your stupid friend, I better go." He hurridly kissed me on my cheek and scurried off.

Tong came back and sat down. "OK, you three are hiding something," he said suspiciously.

"No we're not! We were just talking to-- AAOW!" Xiao wailed. "Stop kicking me!" she cried.

I held my hands up. "I didn't do anything!" I said. I was being honest this time!

Da giggled innocently.

"So, what'd stuffy ol' Quan say about your wild party idea?" I asked.

Tong rolled his eyes. "What do you think? He said NO before I was even done talking!" he complained.

"I could have told you that," I said.

"Hey, guys!" Ce said, plopping down next to me. "I heard Quan nixed your party idea, Ling Tong. That's my little bro for ya! Boring little turd," he added.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me. Ce, you wanna come with to Nan Zhong? I need 2 more generals," I said.

"Man, Shang Xiang, I want to come, but Da Qiao here is worried that we're not spending enough "alone time" together," Ce said, innocently looking at his wife. "Dammit! I wanna come!"

"Wonder where Zhouie is?" Xiao asked randomly. "How long does it take to change into a pair of pants!?"

Ce looked at Da. "Hey, Da, how come you don't have any cute nicknames for me? Xiao Qiao here calls Zhou Yu "Zhouie" all the time."

"Don't forget "Tongie"," Tong said, making a face. "Trust me, you do NOT want a Qiao name!"

Xiao giggled. "Sun Ce, you don't have a funny name! I can't call you Ce-ie!"

"Da was going crazy yesterday," I said, laughing. "Ce-Ce!! Kill that pirate!" Xiao said, mimicking her sister.

Da scowled. "I, uh, got carried away," she said. "Umm... I gotta go!" She jumped up and ran off.

"That's my wife for ya! She's crazy," Ce said, laughing.

"Hey, Xiao, you want to come tomorrow?" I suggested.

"OK!" Xiao agreed. "But I gotta ask Zhouie first!"

Tong started coughing. "WHAT!?" he said, gasping for air. "Shang Xiang, she can't come! She doesn't know how to fight!"

"If my memory serves me correctly, she beat the living crap out of you yesterday morning," Ce commented.

"Yeah, because I was going easy on her!" Tong said, obviously lying.

"You were not!" Xiao said, getting up and storming around the table over towards Tong. "You big fat liar! You were going all out!" She angrily grabbed Tong's arm and pressed down hard on his shoulder, dislocating his arm.

"OW!" Tong screamed angrily. "Lemme go right now, you stupid little brat!"

"Humph! If I'm such a stupid little brat, then how come I've got you on the ground screaming for mercy?" Xiao demanded, obviously loving the art of torture.

"Geez, Xiao! Who taught you THAT?" Ce asked, impressed.

"Sis!" Xiao said happily.

"D-Da knows that kind of stuff?" Ce asked, sounding frightened.

"Yup! We call it Qiao Fu!" Xiao said, giggling. "We're being kidnapped left and right, we NEED to know how to fight!"

"Boy am I glad you two are on my side," Ce said, sounding relieved.

"AGGGHH! Can you PLEASE let me go?" Tong whined, now on the floor. "I can't feel my arm! I think it's gonna snap off!"

"Humph! First admit that I'm stronger than you are!" Xiao snapped.

"Not in a hundred years!" Tong replied stubbornly.

"I can keep this up for a hundred years!" Xiao said, grinning evilly.

"Wow, Xiao, if you didn't have Tong in a arm lock, I'd hug you right now," I said happily. "You two are turning into me!"

Ce looked frightened again. "Maybe I should make sure my sweet wife is still sweet," he said, getting up. "But on second thought, it's not every day you get to watch Ling Tong get beat up by a girl." He sat back down.

"AAOOW!! LET ME GO!" Tong screamed.

"No!" Xiao replied. "Say the magic word first!!"

"NO!" Tong screamed. "JUST LET ME GO!!"

"Xiao Qiao! What are you doing!?" yelled Zhou Yu, returning from his pants incident.

"Hi Zhouie! I'm just playing with my dear cousin, is all!" Xiao said innocently.

"Zhou Yu! Help! She's killing me!" Tong gasped.

Honestly, the sight of one of Wu's best generals, down on the ground being tortured to the brink of tears by a girl was rather sad. I was trying very hard not to laugh. Ce was rolling around on the ground, laughing so hard tears were rolling down his cheeks.

"Alright, Xiao, I think you're a little too strong to play with Ling Tong," Zhou Yu said. "What do you say we go for a walk instead?"

"Okay!" Xiao agreed, dropping Tong's arm. She grabbed Zhou Yu's hand and they headed off.

"Uh... Shang Xiang? Can I get a hand here?" Tong asked, obviously in pain.

"See ya!" I yelled, already halfway out the door. Heh heh. Sucker.

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Good night moon... ZZZzzzzzzzz...


	23. The Adventure Begins Tomorrow

Finally an update that I didn't proof/type at 2:30AM. :P I'll try and update once a week again... at least until I run out of chapters ;;

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"So, you want to come?" I asked, sitting on the edge of Ning's large ship. After I left Tong lying on the ground in pain, I saw Gan Ning leaving the hall for his ship, and he invited me over. I had just asked him if he wanted to head for Nan Zhong with us.

"Sure, OK," Ning agreed. "I've been to Nan Zhong a couple times before, and me and the Nanman King Meng Huo are good friends."

"That's great!" I said eagerly. "Are the Nanmans peaceful?"

"Sure, unless they think you're attacking them," Ning replied. "When I ran away from Huang Zu when I was like 17, I hid in Nan Zhong, and the people there thought I was an invader. Lucky for me, though, they figured out I wasn't any threat to them and they saved my butt big time."

"One thing you gotta remember about them is that the Nanmans are like one gigantic family," Ning added. "So if you kill one of them, you're gonna be in some serious trouble."

"Do you think the Nanmans will recognize you?" I asked. "If they do, that'll make things a lot easier for our forces!"

"Eh... the Nanman King's not really that smart, but since you don't really see that many guys who look like me, it's possible," Ning answered. "By the way, who else is going? Is it just gonna be me and you?"

"Nah, we got two more coming, but I dunno who yet," I replied. Technically, I wasn't lying... OK, OK, I was! But who cares!? MY LIFE IS A LIE!!

"Alright, cool. Keep me posted," Ning said. "That reminds me, I promised your brother Sun Ce I'd spar with him this afternoon, so I'll catch ya later, OK?"

"Sure!" I replied. "See ya around!"

"Later," Ning said. He looked around, made sure nobody was watching, and kissed me. "See ya!" He ran off, leaving me on his boat. I had to slap myself to get rid of the dazed expression I knew was plastered to my face, and headed back to the castle.

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"Okay, guys! Listen up!" Xiao said, dragging me and Da into the room she and Zhou Yu shared. "Tongie's birthday is coming up, and I want to do something nice for him!"

"I'm not too good in the merrymaking department," Da admitted. "And besides, didn't Lord Sun Quan say that we couldn't--"

"Sis, when are you gonna learn that rules are meant to be broken!? Anyway, I KNOW Sun Quan said "No Parties" but who says he has to know about it?" Xiao asked.

"Xiao Qiao, rules are instated for a reason, and we have no right to viol-- MMPH!" Da whined, when I clamped my hand over her mouth. "Da, has being married to my brother taught you NOTHING about the fun of breaking rules?" I asked.

"Shang Xiang? Are you in here?" I heard Quan yelling from outside the door.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I'm in here!" I yelled.

Quan came in and looked at the three of us suspiciously, (particularly me, since my hand was still preventing Da Qiao from talking) and said, "Shang Xiang, have you decided who your generals are for tomorrow?"

"Yeah, Gan Ning, Ling Tong, and, uh... Xiao, did you ever ask Zhou Yu if you could come?" I asked.

"He said OK!" Xiao agreed. "There we go, a full team! Me, Gan Ning, Xiao Qiao, and Ling Tong!" I said.

Quan rolled his eyes. "Fine. Be up and ready tomorrow morning! Start making preperations as soon as you can!"

"Yeah, yeah, OK," I said. Quan left and I let go of Da Qiao. "Sis, I don't care what you say, I'm going!" Xiao pouted.

"I have no objections!" Da protested. "If you want to go along, that's fine by me!"

Xiao looked puzzled. "Sis? Are you feeling OK?" she asked.

"Yes, I'm fine," Da replied. "I've just decided that you two are right, for once."

"We are?" Xiao and I asked simutaneously.

"Indeed," Da said. "I need to start, um, living it up on the wild side!"

"Alright, sis!" Xiao said. "What do you have in mind?"

Da thought for a second, then giggled. "Ooh, I've got it! Follow me!" She hurried out the door. Me and Xiao exchanged glances and headed after her.

We arrived at the set of chamberpots on the 1st floor of the palace. "Why are we here?" Xiao asked. Da smiled evilly and grabbed the signs that read "MEN" and "WOMEN" off the doors, then switched them.

"Sis, that's like, mega-lame," Xiao complained. "That's not a prank! Who's going to fall for that?" I asked.

"Humph! You'll see!" Da promised. "I've got 18 years of pranks to catch up on! Mark my words!" She stomped off.

Not even 5 seconds after she walked off, Lu Xun came along and innocently walked into the room marked "MEN", but was really the women's room. Xiao and I exchanged glances and waited for the explosion.

"Am I in the wrong room?" Lu Xun asked, from inside the room. Da and I exchanged evil glances and we swapped the signs, so the rooms were once again properly labelled. I pushed Xiao into the restroom and waited.

"Lady Xiao! What are you doing in the men's room!?" Lu Xun yelped, shocked.

"This isn't the men's room!" Xiao said. "It's the women's room! Sis changed the signs around, and we tricked you!"

"I'm in the WOMEN'S room!?" Lu Xun cried. "AAAAAAAHHH!" I watched as the young strategist ran screaming out of the women's room, and after seeing Da quickly reverse the signs, slammed right into my brother, who was holding his tonfas.

Lu Xun sat up sheepishly and looked up at Ce. "You use the women's room, Lu Xun?" Ce asked, snickering. "HAH! I can't wait to tell everyone!"

"NO!! WAIT!! IT WAS A TRICK!!" Lu Xun wailed. "LADY DA QIAO DID IT!! I BLAME HER!!"

"Tch! First you get caught in the women's room, now you're blaming my sweet innocent wife!? I'll kill you!" Ce yelled angrily, chasing after Lu Xun. "GET BACK HERE AND I'LL PULVERIZE YOU UNTIL YOU ARE NOTHING MORE!!"

"Ummm... wanna go get ready for tomorrow?" I asked Xiao, who was innocently watching.

"Okay!" Xiao agreed, and we headed off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Woohoo, yay for meeee. Now go revieeeeew... or I keeeeeeell youuuuuu!!

Just kidding, but I wanted to continue the long vowel chain. ;D

Ahh, lemme give you guys something else to read while waiting for tomorrow's update... more of my rambling. :D Anybody like Angels and Airwaves? I found this all-piano version of my favorite song ever, The Adventure, and it's so incredibly gorgeous it makes me wanna start crying. I dunno why!! But it's good, I recommend you check it out. Go to Google Video and search for "Angels and Airwaves, The Adventure, Piano".

Ummm... I'm also updating my DW High School story (which has been dead since Christmas) and I'm trying to make it live again. Haha. I wrote a quick Ling Tong/SSX fic too, so if you're bored or miss the melodious style of my writing you can go check that out if you like. :D

Anyway, review as always, all feedback is welcome, I get all farty and bloaty from a foamy latte (whoever can tell me where that quote comes from earns a chapter dedicated to them) and peace out:D


	24. Screaming, Running, and Falling, OH NO!

Ahh, we're finally getting into the fun part of the chapter, the Nanman Campaign!! Hard to believe that in all these chapters, this is the second actual DW battle that I've written about... and it's really not a battle, more like a campaign.

Remember, the roster for this is: Sun Shang Xiang, Ling Tong, Gan Ning, and Xiao Qiao. :) Just in case anyone forgot.

Also, before I forget, these are character basics- like what they usually wear throughout the story, what voice they have, how old they are, ect. Not really important; I keep it in mind when I write, so maybe you'd be interested. Here we go-

Order goes- Character, Age, Outfit, Voice

Sun Shang Xiang- Age 18, DW4 #3, DW4 voice

Ling Tong- Age 20, DW5 #1, DW5 voice (only one there is :P)

Gan Ning- Age 23, DW4 #1, DW4 voice

Sun Ce- Age 25, DW4 #1, DW4 voice (thank GOD)

Da Qiao- Age 18, DW4 #1, DW5 voice (sounds older :P)

Xiao Qiao- Age 17, DW5 #1, DW5 voice (sounds older too)

Zhou Yu- Age 24, DW4 #1, DW5 voice (NOT Xtreme Legends, regular DW5)  
Lu Xun- Age 17, DW5 #1, DW4 voice

Sun Quan- Age 23, DW5 #1, DW5 voice (I forgot the DW4 voice :D)

This is a VERY long chapter and my personal favorite to write; lots of humor, sexual innuendo, and other stuff. :) Enjoyyyy

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The rest of the day dragged on without much happening, and the dawn of the Nanman Campaign day arrived. Bright and early the following morning, I got up and went to my private bathroom and got cleaned up. I scrubbed my hair (which I seriously needed to get cut) and was interrupted by a knock on my door.

"Shang Xiang! Hurry up!" yelled my brother on the other side of the door. "They're waiting for you downstairs!"

"I'll be there in a minute, Ce," I yelled back.

"What? I can't hear you!" Ce yelled, and opened the door. I screamed and dove under the water. "CE!!!!!" I screamed.

"Whoa! My bad!" Ce yelled, covering his eyes with his hands and shutting the door. "Sorry, Shang Xiang! But at least we're all family!"

I growled under my breath and jumped out of the water. I dried off, got dressed in a light-colored top and a pair of red shorts, (DW4 #3) tied up my red boots and ran out the door. I then remembered I forgot my chakrams and ran back.

"See ya, brothers!!" I yelled to my siblings, standing nearby doing nothing. "Bye Da! Bye Xiao!"

"Whaddaya mean, BYE!?" Xiao demanded, putting her hands on her hips. "I wanna come too! Lord Sun Quan said it was OK! Can I come, Shang Xiang? You said I could yesterday!"

Oh yeah, I did, didn't I? I glanced at Gan Ning, who shrugged indifferently, and Ling Tong, who now had a "I hope the Nanmans kill me" expression on his face.

"Xiao wants to come with us," Tong grumbled. "Shang Xiang, tell her it's a bad--"

"We discussed this yesterday! I think it's a great idea! Of course you can come!" I said, eager to have my friend tag along.

"WHAT!? Shang Xiang, this is the part when you tell her that's the dumbest idea you've heard in your entire life," Tong whined.

"Why shouldn't she come? It's not gonna be dangerous, and it'll be great to have another girl tag along, too!" I said, grinning at Xiao.

Tong sighed. "Well, can't say I didn't try."

"Yay!" Xiao said happily. "I'll go get my stuff!!" She ran off in the direction of her room and came back, armed with her red fans, (Qiao Grace) and dressed in a white top with orange sleeves and orange shorts. (DW5 outfit) "Oh boy! I'm so excited!" she said, jumping up and down.

Gan Ning grinned and adjusted his dark vest. As usual, his brown hair was spiked up, tied back by a bandana, and had two feathers sticking out of it. "Alright, I'm ready when you guys are! Let's go!" He said, fixing one of his little bells on his waist.

We headed outside and mounted our horses. "WAIIIT!!" yelled a voice from behind us. Xiao Qiao turned around and beamed happily. "Zhou Yu! Hi!"

"Princess, Xiao, all of you, wait up," Zhou Yu said, waving a piece of paper around. "I was up all night cartographing this map of the Nan Zhong region, Lord Sun Quan's request. Take it with you!"

Xiao took the map from her husband and handed it to me. "Thanks, Zhouie!" she said happily.

Zhou Yu looked concerned. "Um, Xiao, honey? Do you think you can, um, stay here at home?"

"Why?" Xiao asked curiously.

"Well, I don't want you getting hurt, especially since I can't accompany you and protect you from certain danger," Zhou Yu said.

"Aw c'mon, Zhouie, gimme some credit! I can take care of myself!" Xiao whined. "Besides, in the completely unlikely chance that something happens to me, I got Tongie to protect me!"

"Hah! Tongie's not protecting anything other than his own-- OOF!" Tong grunted, when I elbowed him in the side. "I mean, uh, yeah, whatever you say, Xiao," he said, glaring over at me.

"Alright, but please, be careful," Zhou Yu said. Xiao hopped off her horse and hugged Zhou Yu. "OK! I love you!" she said happily.

"I hate to break up such a cute moment, but are we going or not?" Gan Ning complained.

"Quit being such a whiny-- OOF!" Tong said angrily, when I hit him in the side again. "Will you PLEASE stop that!?"

"No. I want you to call a truce, right now," I said sternly. "That goes for you, too, Gan Ning. I don't want anybody screwing up this mission, pissing off the Nanman King, and, most importantly, making ME look bad in front of my brothers. Am I clear?"

"Clear," both replied. "I still hate you, though," Tong added.

"Stick it up your ass, bitch," Gan Ning said cheerfully. (talking to Ling Tong) "I don't like you either!"

"SHUT UP!!" I screamed. I could already tell, this was gonna be a LONG mission...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So began our mission. I could see it written down in the history of Wu Quan kept talking about writing-- Early in the morning, Commander Sun Shang Xiang (meee) headed off to the Southern Nanman territory, accompanied by fellow Wu generals Xiao Qiao, Ling Tong, and Gan Ning. It sounded pretty lame, but hopefully it'd get better.

As expected, no troops were willing to come with us, and since I figured we wouldn't need any, we were all on our own. So far, so good; Xiao seemed to be off on her own little world, and Ling Tong and Gan Ning hadn't started their daily arguements yet.

"Hey, where the hell are we?" Gan Ning asked, breaking the silence.

"Shut up," Ling Tong promptly answered.

"What!? You don't tell me what to do, you rotten shit!"

"Actually, he kinda does," I said, digging around in my horse's saddlebags for the map Zhou Yu had drawn of the Nanman region. "Ling Tong's second-in-command for this mission; if I die, you guys take orders from him. Unless he dies too, then you can do what you want."

"Well, you're NOT dead, so I still don't take orders from HIM. Case closed," Gan Ning said, folding his arms. "Besides, nobody's gonna die! The Nanmans are notoriously peaceful and friendly."

"Yeah, well, for the time being you do take orders from me, so be quiet," I said, retrieving the map.

"Um... seriously, where ARE we going?" Ling Tong asked, after a long pause.

"Well, according to this thing... wait a minute... which way's right-side-up!?" I asked, tilting the map. "I can't tell what's the top of the map! It's all a bunch of lines!!"

"Gimmie that!! My precious Lord Zhou Yu drew that!" Xiao said, snatching the map from my hand and studying it, ignoring Gan Ning, who was making gagging noises.

"We're so screwed," Ling Tong muttered. Xiao apparently didn't hear this, and said, "Well, it's official!"

"Yeah?" I said. "What's official?"

"It's official that I have no idea where we're going!" Xiao said happily, apparently not realizing that this was a bad thing.

She attempted to stuff the map in her pocket in such a brutal fashion that it ripped in half. Then the larger half blew out of her hands and floated off into a nearby river. A bird swooped through the air and snatched the other half from Xiao's hand.

"See, told you we're screwed," Ling Tong said, always the voice of pessimism.

I smacked my forehead. "Any ideas?"

"Yeah!" Tong said. "Turn around and get another map!"

I snorted. "Tch! We don't need a map! Let's just wing it!"

"We can't WING IT! We only brought enough food for 2 days!" Tong said angrily.

Gan Ning looked up with a mouthful of food. "Make that one day," he said sheepishly. "Sorry."

"Then let's ask someone for directions!" I said, ignoring Gan Ning.

"We're NOT asking for directions!" Ling Tong said.

"What is it with men and directions?" I asked.

"What is it with WOMEN and MAPS!?" Ling Tong asked. "Asking for directions is humiliating! Let's just go back to Wu and get us another map!"

"No fair!" Xiao argued. "Zhouie was up all night slaving over that map! We can't make him make another one!"

"Sure we can! And we can mention that YOU were the one who destroyed the ORIGINAL map, too!" Ling Tong said angrily.

Gan Ning, who had been quietly eating our rations during the whole arguement, piped up. "Shang Xiang? I have a confession to make."

"Besides the fact that you just ATE ALL OUR FOOD!?" I screamed.

"I know how to get to friggen Nan Zhong!" Gan Ning said angrily. "So quit arguing! Geez!"

"Why didn't you say that before, you stupid pirate!?" Ling Tong nearly screamed.

"Because a certain pretty-boy-wanna-be forbade me from talking, as you might recall! So shut up!" Gan Ning screamed back, spitting food crumbs all over Ling Tong's face. (I'm guessing on purpose.)

"Guys, shut up!" I yelled. "We're never gonna get ANYWHERE if we keep screaming at each other!! Gan Ning, just lead the way!"

"My pleasure," Gan Ning replied, smirking at Ling Tong, who was turning various shades of red in his rage. "It's a long way, but just follow me and we'll be there in no time!"

"How long is no time?" Xiao asked.

"Uh... mid-day tomorrow?" Gan Ning offered.

I groaned. It was going to be a long day.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Ugh... it's too hot," Xiao whined, fanning herself with her, uh, fan. We had been riding for what seemed like hours through unfamiliar territory, and we had had enough!

"Shut up, it's too hot to listen to you complain," Tong groaned, collapsing onto his horse (which looked pretty unhappy for a horse).

Gan Ning wiped the sweat off his forehead. "Hey, this is great weather! You two domesticated wimps don't spend enough time outside!" he said happily. Obviously he was enjoying every minute of this.

"You're gonna let him get away with that?" I said, looking over at Ling Tong.

"Ugh... I'm too hot to even argue," Ling Tong whined, fanning himself with his hand. (Xiao was using both of her fans and she refused to share.)

"Maybe because you're overdressed," I suggested. "You're wearing long sleeves, armor, and pants."

"Well, I'm NOT gonna be Mr. Half-Naked over there, and since I'm not some silly little girly princess I can't run around in a pair of shorts with half my ass sticking out, and I will NEVER wear whatever the hell Xiao is wearing, so I guess I'm SCREWED!!" Tong said angrily.

"Hey, don't be hatin' cause I'm better lookin' than you," Gan Ning snapped, defending his half-naked self. (Well, with the vest, he's more of a  
quarter-naked. You won't see me complaining though.) "Then again, that really isn't saying much, is it?" he said with a laugh.

I was outraged. "My ass isn't sticking out of these shorts!" I said angrily. Okay, to be honest, they DID look better on me when I got them two years ago, but hey, I wasn't fat or anything!!

"Yeah, um, no offense, Shang Xiang, but I would highly recommend giving those shorts back to the young child you stole 'em from," Ling Tong said, confirming my suspicions.

"Lay off, pretty-boy! They look fine on her!!" Gan Ning defended.

Knowing Gan Ning, that was probably a twisted, perverted little comment. "I guess that's a compliment," I said.

"HEY!!" Xiao screamed, temporarily interrupting all arguements for the time being. "What the heck is THAT!?"

Gan Ning glanced up and whistled. "DAMN! That's a big... actually, I don't know what that is."

We were looking at a large, stone structure, hollowed out at the top. "Maybe it's some ugly looking tribal art," I said.

"Maybe it's a statue of Gan Ning's brain," Ling Tong said, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, and it's probably actual size," Gan Ning retorted. "After all, YOU sure didn't know how to get us to Nan Zhong, now did you?"

"GUYS! SHUT UP!" I screamed. "Let's just forget about the ugly art and keep going!!"

"Ummm... Shang Xiang? I see like a hundred guys with crossbows, and they're everywhere," Xiao said, sounding scared.

"Oh no, she's hallucinating. We'd better head back," Tong said, turning his horse around.

"GET BACK HERE, you! Xiao, where the hell do you see archers?" I asked, grabbing Tong by his arm.

"Ummm... right there, there, there, and EEEEP! RIGHT THERE!!" Xiao yelped, clinging onto Ling Tong's other arm.

"AAAAAAAHH!! I SEE THEM TOO!!" Tong screamed. "They're camoflauged with the enviroment!! LOOK!!"

"Everybody RUN!!" Gan Ning yelled, and we all kicked our horses to make them run. "Why won't these stupid animals MOVE!?" I yelled angrily.

We all looked down, and, as fate would have it, the horses' hooves were stuck in the gooey tar on the ground. "Hey, cheer up, guys! These aren't OUR horses!" Gan Ning said.

"We're screwed!" Tong wailed.

"EEHAA! LUUPA LUUPA LAA!!" one of the Nanmans screamed, pointing at us.

"What'd he say!?" Xiao cried.

"I don't know, but I know it doesn't sound nice!! RUN!!" I screamed. We all grabbed our weapons, jumped off our horses, making sure to land in the white sand, NOT the goo, and ran as fast as we could, screaming the entire time.

"Stop! Stop!" Xiao begged, while we were running.

"You think we lost 'em?" Ning yelled, who was faster than all of us by a long shot.

"I don't know! I just can't run no more!" Xiao wailed, collapsing on the ground.

"Yeah, we lost 'em," Tong yelled, looking back. "Can we stop and take a break?"

"Yeah, OK," I agreed. "I can't run anymore either!" We stopped running and collapsed on the ground.

"MAN it's hot out here!" Tong complained. "It's too hot! I hate this place! I wanna go home! I'm all sweaty! I hate my life! I wish I was dead! I'm hungry! I'm thirsty! I need to drop a--OW!" he yelled, when Gan Ning smacked him upside the head.

"WILL YOU SHUT UP?! We're all hot! Deal with it!" Gan Ning said angrily.

Xiao and I muffled our giggles. In all honesty, I was about to do the same thing.

"I'm way hotter than any of you!" Tong said angrily, rubbing his face. "I've got long sleeves and armor on!"

Gan Ning pulled his sword off his belt and grabbed one of Tong's sleeves. "Hold still, you pansy," he said, proceeding to slice off one of his sleeves.

"Hey! What are you doing!?" Tong yelled angrily.

"Making you shut up!" Ning replied, slicing the other sleeve off. "There! That should keep you quiet for at least 2 minutes!"

Xiao snickered. "Geez, Tongie, you have the whitest arms I've ever seen in my life!"

Tong growled under his breath angrily. "This is my favorite shirt!" he complained.

"It WAS!" Gan Ning said cheerfully. "They all look the same anyway. Shut up and grow up!"

"EEEP!! MONSTER!!" Xiao screamed, interrupting the quiet tranquility. (Yeah right.)

"Huh? Xiao, are you hallucinating again?" Tong demanded.

"No, look!" Xiao cried, pointing. "Hey! Wait a minute! I was never--"

"RUN!!" I screamed, interrupting Xiao. A gigantic beast was charging right for us!!

"That's an elephant, you morons!" Gan Ning yelled. "They live here! They're everywhere!"

"Do they attack?" I asked.

"YES!! RUN!!" Gan Ning screamed. "They're territorial!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" we all screamed, as we ran (again!).

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Well, this is just GREAT," Ling Tong complained. "How the hell are we gonna get anywhere without HORSES!?"

"Easy!" Xiao replied. "Um, walking."

"Give me a break, Xiao," I said, gasping for air. "We can barely even move in this heat!"

Meanwhile, Gan Ning was still bursting with energy, as usual. "Come on, you turtles! I'm waiting!"

"Shut up... I... can't breathe..." Ling Tong complained, rolling on his back. "I wanna go home!"

"Not this again," Gan Ning said angrily. "Look, moron, we're out here in the middle of nowhere and NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR STUPID LITTLE PROBLEMS! So quit ACTING LIKE A BABY and buck up!"

"Easy for you to say, FATHER KILLER!" Tong screamed.

"Wimp!"

"Father killer!"

"Wimp!"

"Father killer!"

"W--"

"SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!" I finally exploded. "BOTH OF YOU! DO US ALL A FAVOR AND SHUT YOUR BIG MOUTHS! TONG, WE'RE ALL HOT AND WE'RE ALL TIRED! DEAL WITH IT!"

"Hey, no fair! How come you don't yell at HIM!?" Tong said angrily.

"I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!" I screamed, lunging at him. Xiao grabbed me so all I could do was squirm, but Ling Tong got the point.

"Fine. Take his side!" Ling Tong complained, stomping off.

"WIMP!" Gan Ning screamed, for good riddance. He looked at me, and looked embarrassed. "Uh... sorry," he said, before I could kill him.

"CAN'T YOU TWO STUPID SHIT HEADS EVER STOP FIGHTING!?" I screamed angrily.

"Shang Xiang, calm down or you're gonna have a heart attack!" Xiao pleaded.

I took a deep breath. "Alright. I'm calm. Look, we're obviously gonna be here a while, so I figure we might as well set up camp while we're here. It's already getting dark out, so we should call it a day."

"What about Tongie?" Xiao asked. "I'm worried about him!"

"Yeah, whatever, I'll go look for him," I said, rolling my eyes. "He couldn't have gotten far, he's probably too hungry to move right about now. If I don't come back before dark, send a search party, OK?"

"Wait, then what are we supposed to do here?" Ning asked.

"Don't leave me with him! I'm a little girl!" Xiao whined.

Ning looked at her disgustedly. "Who the hell do you think I am, Dong Zhuo?"

"You can never be too careful!" Xiao defended.

"Xiao, he's more afraid of YOU then you are of him," I said. "Besides, what are YOU worried about? You can dislocate a grown man's arm!"

"I know I can," Ning said proudly.

"Uh, I was talking to Xiao," I said, pointing. "Anyway, I'm gonna go find Tong. See if you guys can get some food. We left it all with the horses, remember?"

"Actually, I ate all of it on the way here," Ning said. "But before you kill me, I think there's a river around here! I'll go catch some fish!"

"Don't leave me here!" Xiao whined, clinging onto Ning's shoulder.

"Aaagh!! Leggo!!" Ning complained.

I rolled my eyes and headed off in the direction Tong went. "Tong? Get out here!" I hollered.

Nothing. Maybe he got eaten by an elephant, I thought. More likely, he was mad, and was probably sitting somewhere steaming like a fresh pork bun.

"Tong? Hello?"

I kept walking and tripped over something. "Ow! Tong that had BETTER be--" I looked at what I tripped over and realized I was staring a giant tiger in the face.

My first thoughts; AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! My second thoughts: Ooh, pretty! My third, and final thoughts as I ran screaming for my life-- AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!

Well, actually, that one came out loud. "AHHH!! TIGER!! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!" I screamed, and bumped right smack into a person.

"OW! Watch where you're going, ya-- Oh, hi Shang Xiang? Is that you?" said the person I ran into, most likely Ling Tong.

"AHHH!! TONG!! TIGER!! RIGHT THERE!!" I screamed, panting for breath.

"Huh? Where?" Tong asked, confused.

"Right--"

"REAAAAAAAAOOOWW!" the tiger, who was right behind me, roared. "AHHHHH!!" we both screamed, and we started running (again!)

"Shang Xiang, I'm too young, virgin and handsome to be devoured by a -- AHHHHHH!!" Tong screamed. He was running so fast he didn't realize he just ran off a cliff. Dumbass.

"TONG!" I screamed, leaning over.

"Help!" Tong wailed. "I caught onto this convinently located tree branch! Pull me up!"

"OK, hang on!" I yelled.

"Like I have any other choice!" was my sarcastic reply.

I thought for a second, then leaned over. "Tong! Gimme your hand!" I screamed. "I'll pull you back up!"

"What are you, insane? I'm not letting go!" Tong screamed.

"Fine!" I said. I leaned over and reached for Tong's arm. "It's no good, you're too far away!"

"Shang XIANGGG!! Help me!!" Tong whined.

"I'm trying!" I grunted, reaching over further. "Uh oh." The edge of the cliff crumbled off, and me, now falling, lunged and clung onto the only thing I could- Tong's neck!

(AN: This is my favorite scene in the entire story; if I could get the DW people to make one scene from this entire story, it would be this one. :D)

"AAACCK!" Tong gasped, as I quickly clung onto his shoulders to avoid killing him. "Shang Xiang, you're choking me! Leggo!"

"No!" I whined, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. "I don't wanna fall!"

"Ugh... someone needs to lay off the meat buns for a while!!" Tong complained. "You're hurting my spine alignment!!"

"Don't call me fat! Do you even KNOW where your spine is?" I snapped.

"Let's not fight, OK? We're all we've got," Tong said, sounding scared. "Do yourself a favor and don't look down! I already did and it's terrifying!!"

I had already looked down. "OH MY GOD!" I screamed, clinging onto Tong a little tighter. "If one of us falls, then we're gonna fall like rocks onto the hard ground, which'll break every single one of our bones and we'll be nothing but bloody pulp, left to die in the hot sun!" I wailed.

"Thanks for that unpleasant visual," Tong said, looking sick. "Now I feel sick."

"How can you be sick? Gan Ning ate all the food! You haven't eaten anything!" I complained.

"Yeah I did, I ate a meat bun, and I'm starting to think we're gonna see it again," Tong groaned.

"ACK!! Not up here!" I wailed.

I don't know how much time went by. We were both still hanging in midair.

"It's getting dark," Tong complained.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious."

"Hey, before you say one more nasty thing, I think you should stop to think about all the vile things I could do to you from this angle," Tong said. "My shoulders are killing me! Either fall to your death or find your own branch!"

"No!" I wailed. "You wouldn't let your best friend die, would you?"

"Under normal circumstances, I'd agree, but seeing as we're hanging thousands of feet above ground, I think the situation requires a change over to the "Save Ling Tong, screw everyone else" policy," Tong said, selfish as usual.

"Ya big jerk! I'm gonna kill you!"

"Go ahead! And when I let go and we both fall and die, I'll get to float on a big fluffy cloud in heaven while YOU burn in hell because it'll be YOUR FAULT!"

"I don't wanna go to hell!" I whined. "Anyway, you can't force me to let go, because in order to pull me off, you'd need to use your HANDS! So HA!"

"I can still spit on you!" Tong said.

"And I'll kill you!" I screamed.

"Ew, gross! Your breath stinks! Stop breathing on me!"

More time went by, and still we were hanging around.

"Man, I'm sick of being up here!" Tong whined. "I really need to take a squirt and I can't reach my pants from here!"

"Ew," I complained.

"Hey, can you help pull my pants down? You can reach, can't you?"

"No!" I said. "That's disgusting! Besides, I'm not letting go of you!! I'll fall!"

"Then use that big mouth of yours!"

"I am NOT going to help you get your pants off!"

"Aw come ON, it's not that bad! Just untie my belt and they'll fall down! I'm not asking you to help me aim or anything!"

"WHY do you insist on saying things that I can NEVER un-hear?" I groaned. "Pull your own pants down!"

"Well, I would LOVE to do it myself, but seeing as I'm keeping your fat butt from falling down to the GROUND, I'm kind of tied up! So how about it? Just untie my belt with your teeth or something!"

"No," I answered. "I'm NOT using ANYTHING in my mouth to get your pants off!!"

"Geez, when you put it THAT way it sounds really disgusting. Forget I said anything."

"Cheer up, at least you're building valuable upper-body strength," I said.

"Yeah, but if I die, I'm not gonna need it," Tong complained.

"Can't you pull us up?" I asked. "Wimp."

"NO! You're weighing me down!! Leggo!"

"For the hundredth time, NO! I'll die!"

"Don't think of it as dying. Think of it as making a sacrifice for the greater good," Tong said.

"Greater good? What's THAT, dare I ask?"

"Me!! Now be a martyr and LET GO!!

(AN: Geez, for a guy who's in love with Shang Xiang, Ling Tong sure is an ass. :D)

"NO!! I am NOT going to-- do you smell something?" I asked.

"Um, no," Tong said innocently.

"EGH!! WHY does your leg feel all wet!?" I demanded. Since we were kind of stuck, my body was kind of pressing against Tong's, (yeah, it was very uncomfortable) and I was feeling a wet spot!

"Um... excuse me? I don't know what you're talking about."

"EWWWWWW!!" I screamed.

"Ew yourself! You just spit on me!"

"YOU just pissed in your pants! EWW!"

"Hey, I'm too busy preventing the two of us from falling thousands of feet to the ground to bother controlling my urinary tracts! Besides, YOU could have prevented this by simply pulling my pants down!"

I sighed. "So this is how it ends. Dangling thousands of feet above the air, alone, with nobody to spend my last moments of life with," I complained.

"Hey! What am I, chopped liver?"

"No, you're just a disgusting ass who just peed his pants like a--"

"SHUT UP! That was a reporical question!"

"Rhetorical, genius."

"Hey, I just had an idea! What if we... call for help?"

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever-- actually, and I can't believe I'm saying this, that's NOT a bad idea."

"Ha! I AM a genius! In your face, Shang Xiang!!"

"If you were a genius, you'd have thought of that hours ago!"

"Oh, whatever. Do you ever stop nagging? Okay, ready, on the count of three..."

"HEEEELP!! GET US DOWN FROM HERE!!" I screamed.

"I said on the count of three!"

"HEEELP!!"

"Whatever. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!"

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLP!!"

"WHAT are you two doing up there!?" screamed a voice.

"Uh, just hanging around," Tong hollered. "Hey, wait, who is that!?"

"It's me, you idiot! Gan Ning!" Gan Ning yelled back.

"Gan Ning? Where are you?" I yelled.

"Look down!!"

"No! It's scary!"

"For the love of god, Shang Xiang, look down!"

I looked down, and standing not even 10 feet down was Gan Ning, looking amused and disgusted.

"Woah, you're huge!" I said.

"No he's not, the earth is obviously shrinking," Tong said.

"Do you two realize that you are hanging about 8 feet up above the ground?" Ning asked.

"So?"

"You're not in any danger! Just drop already!" Ning said angrily.

Tong and I exchanged glances. "I'll have you know, it looks A LOT scarier from up here!!" Tong hollered, defending our dignity.

"Jump!" Ning ordered.

"You first, you're younger," Tong said. "I've got more to live for!"

"Fine, if it means I don't have to me stuck up here with you and your moist pants!! But if I die, you stay away from my funeral!"

"Uh... Shang Xiang, if you die, there's something I kinda want to tell you-- HEY!" Tong yelled, when I let go.

Ning held his arms out and I fell right in his arms. "Oof!" I said. "Thanks, Ning! I dunno how long it would have been before I went insane!"

"I'm RIGHT HERE, ya know!" Tong hollered.

"Then jump," I hollered back.

"OK, here I go!" Tong let go and, since Gan Ning obviously wasn't going to catch HIM, fell on the ground like a brick. "OW!" he screamed. "I can't move my arms!"

"Quit whining, I told Dao Qiao, or whatever her name was, to cook the fish I caught," Ning said, still holding me. "So at least we'll have food tonight."

"No we won't! You've never eaten Xiao's food-- what the HELL!?" Tong screamed, after he stood up. His arms were sticking straight up. "I can't put my arms down!!"

"Oh, that's too bad," Ning said, his words dripping with pure sarcasm. "And I'm not even gonna ASK why your pants are all damp."

"Please don't," I said. "It's a long, disgusting story."

"Let's just get back to the main camp, so I can change my pants," Tong whined.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Woohoo, it's done this chapter is my favorite of all of them, and to think I've got at least a dozen more to upload:D I'm thinking this thing is going to be around 50 chapters... but who cares, more for you guys to read!! Haha.

Anyway, review as always, leave me any feedback you want, and is anyone a good artist? Draw me some fanart, I'd LOVE that:D Seriously, it doesn't have to be good, but if there's a scene you like, or anything, draw it in and show it to me, that'd be great!!


	25. Ah, Traveling

Yup, the campaign continues... to counter all the Ling Tong/SSX in the past chapter (that's how they show affection for each other, screaming and threatening each other :D) there's a big fluffy Gan Ning/SSX moment.

Blech. I'm gonna go hurl.

Ah, just kidding. :D This one ain't as funny as its predecessor, (ooh, big word- score one for meee) but it's still pretty good. :)

Now READ!!

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"THERE you are!" Xiao screamed, when the three of us headed back to our camp. "I was worried!"

"We're fine," I complained. "I got attacked by a tiger, and then Tong fell off a cliff, so that's where we were for a few minutes... or hours..."

"Well, it's FISHY TIME!" Xiao said, holding up a piece of a charcoal-black material in the shape of a fish, on a stick.

"Ew!" Gan Ning said, wrinkling his nose in distaste. "I thought you said you could cook, woman!"

"See, told you," Tong said.

"You asked me if I could cook, which I can! You didn't ask me if I could cook good, which I can't!" Xiao said. "And my name is XIAO QIAO!"

"Whatever!" Ning complained. He sat down. "I'm stuck in a camp full of girls!"

"HEY! What about me?" Tong whined, who was trying to shoo the owl that landed on his hand away. "Get off me, you bastard bird!"

"I counted you," Ning answered.

"HEY!" Tong screamed. "Get lost, you god damned owl!" The owl hooted and flew off. "Hey, he left something in my hand. It's all squishy! You think it's edible?"

We all looked at him blankly. "What?" Tong asked. Suddenly a look of revulsion crossed his face. "EWW! OWL POOP!" We watched in amusement as he chased after the owl, screaming "GET BACK HERE, YA DAMN OWL! I'LL TEACH YOU TO POOP ON LING TONG!!"

"Dinner's always better with a show," Gan Ning said, making me and Xiao laugh.

"Hey, once you get past the horrible charcoal exterior, the rest's not bad," I said, eating. "Good work, Xiao!"

"Yeah, this is pretty good," Ning added. "Just like Huang Zu used to make, 'cept there's none of his "secret ingredient"..."

"What was the secret ingredient?" Xiao asked.

"Well, uh... let's just say you don't want it on your food, since it's not healthy," Ning said, making a face. "It's all natural, let's leave it there."

"Hey, save some for me!" Tong whined, now being pecked on the head by an angry owl. "I'm hungry too! AND SOMEBODY MAKE THIS STUPID OWL QUIT PECKING MY HEAD!"

"Tongie, what up with your arms? Put 'em down!" Xiao said.

"I can't," Tong whined. "My arms are stuck!"

Xiao thought for a second, then firmly seized one of Tong's arms. "This'll only hurt for a second!" she promised.

"WHAT!? NO! DON'T DO-- ACCCCK!!" Tong screamed, when Xiao yanked his arm down, back to normal. "AHHH!! PAIN!!" he wailed.

"One more to go!" Xiao said, and yanked the other one down.

"Thanks, Xiao," Tong groaned. "At least those damned owls are gone."

Not even half a second after those words left his mouth, three owls swooped by and dropped their excrement, all of which landed on Ling Tong's head. He just groaned and slumped on the ground.

"Tongie, there's poop on your head!" Xiao chirped. "Now eat some fish!"

"Save me a big piece! I'm hungry!" Tong complained. He rinsed his hands off in the river, and sat down to a plate of yummy... fish bones.

"HEY! You bastards ate it all!" Tong yelled.

"Yup, and it sure was good!" Gan Ning said, obviously trying to piss off Tong. (It was working)

"Alright, everyone, hit the rack," I ordered. "Get some sleep before tomorrow."

"Where are we gonna sleep? We don't have any tents!" Tong complained.

"Quit whining, Tongie!!" Xiao said.

"Yeah, TONGIE!" Ning taunted. "Shut up and go to bed!"

Xiao paused. "Umm... where ARE we gonna sleep?"

"Uh... how 'bout we camp out under the stars?" I suggested.

"Like we have much of a choice," Gan Ning commented.

"I'd much rather find a nice palace to sleep in," Tong complained.

"Looks like we're roughin' it!" Xiao said, lying down on the ground. "I hate this place," she said, after a pause.

"Yeah, yeah, we all do. Now shut up and go to sleep," I ordered.

"I'm not tired," Ning said. "I think I'll go for a walk instead."

"Careful," I said. "Don't get lost."

"Maybe one of us should stay awake and be the lookout," Tong suggested.

"Why?" Xiao asked.

"Because if any of those Nanman jerks attack us, someone'll be able to wake us up," Tong said.

"Well, think of it this way- when the Nanmans stab one of our unsuspecting bodies, as we're sleeping, our agonized screams of pain and terror will be a pretty good wake-up call to everyone else," Gan Ning said.

"Uh, I elect Tong," I said.

"Uh, I second it," Xiao said.

"Ling Tong therefore refuses the honor and is going to sleep. Good night." Tong rolled over on the grass.

"Good night, TONGIE," Ning teased.

Tong rolled over and glared at Xiao. "You see what you do?" He rolled over again. "Man, this stinks! I wanna go home! Something just crawled into my ear!!"

"Too bad it didn't crawl into your big mouth. Shang Xiang, whatever-your-name-is, I'll keep my eyes open," Ning said, rolling his eyes. "See ya."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The obnoxious snoring started promptly, meaning Xiao was fast asleep. Then Tong started talking in his sleep, and after lying awake on the ground for a few minutes, or hours, I couldn't tell, I had had enough.

"That does it," I muttered. I got up and headed off into the woods, when-

"Shang Xiang?"

I turned around and felt two strong arms wrap around me. "Hey! What are you doing out here?" Gan Ning asked, hugging me tight.

"I couldn't sleep, those two make the same amount of noise if they're awake or asleep," I said.

"Well that's good, you can keep me company!" Ning grabbed my hand and we started walking.

We pretty much just walked around, talking about whatever popped into our minds. Ning told me about being a pirate and traveling around everywhere, and I complained about how annoying it was to be a princess when all I really wanted to do was have fun.

Ning suddenly stopped walking when we were on a bridge (more like a bunch of rocks dumped across the river) and grabbed me by my arm. "Hey, Shang Xiang, wait up," he said. "I want to talk to you."

"Sure," I said, turning back. "What's up?"

Ning put his arm around my shoulder and said, "Well.. I just want you to know, since we're in a war and all, that if you ever need my help, or you're in trouble, I want you to know, that wherever I am, I'll be there and help you."

Seeing the look on my face, he rolled his eyes and said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't give me that look! This mushy romance stuff isn't a second language for me! I'm kinda making it up as I go! What I'm trying to say here is, since I know you're pretty stubborn when it comes to accepting help, and you think you can take care of yourself, I want you to know I'm looking out for you!"

He thought for a second and added, "And never make me say anything that CHEESY ever again!"

I laughed and hugged him. "Ning, you sound like my brother! I appriciate it, but I want YOU to know I'm looking out for you too!"

Ning wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. "Yeah, well, I really care about you, and I--"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!" screamed a high-pitched voice, coming from the direction of the main camp.

"Why does something always have to come up?" I growled. "If this is a false alarm, I'm gonna-"

"That sounded like whatever-her-name-is..." Ning said. "She saw a stick or something and thought it was a snake earlier, so she screamed, that's how know what she sounds like. C'mon, let's go." We both ran off toward the main camp again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We were getting very close to the main camp. "Take another way! We don't want them knowing we were together!" I yelled to Ning.

"Gotcha!" he yelled back, running the other way.

I ran back and looked around. "Hey! What happened?" I yelled to Tong, who was sitting on the ground doing absolutely nothing.

"Huh? Oh, Xiao had a bad dream," Tong replied, looking annoyed. "So she screamed, which woke ME up, which SUCKS, since I was having a GOOD dream. She went over there."

Ning ran in, and yelled, "What happened!?"

"Xiao had a bad dream," I growled. I was going to KILL that girl! How DARE she ruin my moment!

Xiao came back, wiping her eyes. "H-hi, guys... sorry if I woke you up," She said, sounding upset.

"Yeah, you better be-- hey, are you crying?" I asked.

Xiao sniffed. "I... I had a really bad dream," she admitted. "I dreamed Cao Cao killed Zhou Yu... and I'm really scared..."

"Don't be scared," I said, trying to cheer her up. "Zhou Yu's gotta be fine! He was fine this morning when we left!"

"Really?" Xiao sniffed.

"We don't know!" Tong said, and Gan Ning promptly kicked him. "OWIE!"

I glared at Tong. "Don't listen to him. But that's besides the point. Zhou Yu's gotta be fine, you can tell when someone you love dies," I said.

"Yeah, I felt the exact same way when MY FATHER DIED!" Tong said angrily, glaring at Gan Ning. Gan Ning rolled his eyes and kicked him again.

"OW! You're gonna pay for that, you friggen--" I stomped over and put my hand over Tong's mouth. "Shut up! Do you guys hear something?" I asked.

"I can't hear anything over her crying," Gan Ning growled. "You! Sissy girl! Shut up! Your husband's fine!"

"Be a little more sensitive, will ya?" I hissed. "That's NOT gonna shut her up!"

"Fine, fine. Hey, um, girlie! SHUT UP OR YOU'RE GONNA GET US ALL KILLED!!" Gan Ning shouted.

Ling Tong pushed me off him and kicked Gan Ning in the leg. "SHUT UP! NOW WHO'S MAKING ALL THE NOISE!?" he hollered.

"YOU'RE THE MORON BELLOWING LIKE AN IDIOT! YOU TELL ME!" Gan Ning screamed back.

"Hey what's that?" Xiao asked, speaking up. We all turned and screamed.

"AAAHHH!! AMBUSH!!" Tong screamed, pointing at the triple-dozen pack of dark-skinned, feather-wearing warriors pointing spears at us.

"We can SEE THAT, you idiot!" Gan Ning screamed back. "WAY TO SCREAM AND GIVE AWAY OUR POSITION!!"

"QUIT SCREAMING!" I screamed back.

"Guys, shut up!" Xiao wailed. "Let's try and communicate with 'em!" She turned to the Nanman troops, who obviously didn't understand our language.

"Umm... hi! I'm Xiao Qiao! We come in peace!" she said, holding her hands out, probably to show that she didn't have a weapon.

"And you shall leave in pieces!" One of the Nanman leaders answered, speaking our language perfectly. "We do not take too kindly to intruders who invade our beloved homes in the dead of night!"

"We're not invading anything! We have just as much right to be here as you do, feather head!" Tong hollered, not thinking as always.

"WHAAAAT did you say, pasty white boy!? We're gonna kill you!!" screamed the Nanman leader.

"PASTY!? Who you callin' pasty, you-- OWW!!" Tong screamed, when Ning kicked him to shut him up.

"WHY'D YOU KICK ME!?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A MORON!!"

"THAT GUY CALLED ME PASTY!!"

"PASTY PASTY PASTY PASTY!! IT'S AN INSULT, STUPID! DON'T GET ALL PISSED ABOUT IT AND GET US ALL KILLED AS A RESULT!! PASTY!!"

"SHUT UP!! YOU'RE JUST A... A... A BIG JERK!!"

"GOOD COMEBACK!!"

"Yeah... um... BYE!" I screamed, grabbing Xiao's arm.

"GRAB YOUR WEAPONS AND LET'S GO!" I yelled to Gan Ning and Ling Tong, who were still arguing. Xiao grabbed her fans, I got my chakrams, and since Ning and Tong already had their weapons on them, we all ran away screaming like scared little kids.

"AFTER THEM!" One of the Nanmans screamed, and they all chased after them. Another Nanman started making these wierd, animal-like screeches, and Ning yelled, "He's calling for reinforcements!! RUN FASTER!!"

We ran more and Tong yelled, "Why are we running!? Let's just kill the stupid bastards like we always do!!"

"No! They outnumber us!" Gan Ning yelled. "Besides, we don't want to start a war! We're here to ask for their help!!"

"River! Jump!" I yelled, pointing up ahead. "Hide in the river!"

"HOW!? We can't breathe underwater!" Tong yelled.

"We don't have a choice! Jump in and hope they don't catch us!" Gan Ning hollered.

We all dove into the river, which was suprisingly deep. I thought my lungs were going to burst, since this river was almost dangerously polluted. Finally, I felt the splash of someone getting out, and I sat up, coughing.

"You okay?" Ning asked, who was tousling his brown hair. The water had flattened it again, so it was falling past his bandana and covering his eyes.

"This water... it's disgusting," I gasped, breathing in fresh air. Tong sat up, sputtering for air. "Dear god, these people don't know anything about hygiene, do they?" he asked. "I hope they don't drink that water!"

Gan Ning looked horrified. "Wait a second, this water ain't polluted, it's poison! Where's that other girl?"

Tong's eyes widened. "POISON!? Why didn't you say that BEFORE, you stupid pirate!?"

"I forgot to mention," Ning admitted, fixing his hair. "And I am NOT a pirate anymore!! Stop calling me that!!"

"Speaking of forgetting things, aren't we FORGETTING ABOUT SOMEONE!?" I yelled angrily. "Xiao's still under there!"

"Hang on Xiao! I'm coming!" Tong screamed, and dove into the water.

"What a hero," Gan Ning said sarcastically.

"Xiao!! Get out already!!" I hollered. "C'mon! She can't be... you-know-what, right?" I asked fearfully.

"I hope not," Ning said. Tong surfaced, and he had Xiao. "She's out cold! I think she swallowed some!" he said, sounding scared. He pulled himself and Xiao's limp body out of the poison swamp and shook her shoulders. "Xiao!? Xiao!! Wake up!!" he wailed.

"Maybe we should get away from these marshes," Ning suggested. "I don't think it's healthy for us to be inhaling either."

"Do you mind? I'm TRYING to make my cousin wake up!" Tong said, now sounding terrified. "Xiao, come ON, wake UP!"

Xiao's large eyes finally opened a little and she started coughing. "T-Tongie? Is that you?" she asked weakly.

"She's alive! SHE'S ALIVE!!" Tong screamed, hugging Xiao so hard I thought he was going to kill her.

"I don't feel good," Xiao whimpered, and she started crying again.

"You, uh, drank something that didn't agree with you," I said, trying to choose the right words that wouldn't scare her. "Can you get up?"

"Y-yeah, I think..." she said, and weakly got up. Her legs were shaking like wet noodles and she collapsed on top of Gan Ning, who was still fixing his hair.

Tong snatched Xiao away from Gan Ning's clutches. "Great. If she can't walk, what are we gonna do with her?" he asked.

Ning and I exchanged glances. "Well, I can't carry her, that'd just be plain wrong," Ning said. "Yeah, and she's my size, I can't carry her either," I said.

Tong sighed. "Alright, fine. Xiao, get up on my back." Xiao nodded and managed to clamber up onto her cousin's back. "I don't feel good, Tongie," she whimpered. "I wanna go home!"

"I know, I know, we'll think of something," Tong said. He turned to me and Gan Ning. "How are we gonna tell her overprotective husband that we let Xiao get poisoned?"

"Well, the Nanman troops aren't affected by the poison at all," Ning said. "If we ask the Nanman King how they stay immune to it all, maybe he can tell us how to get whatever-her-name-is back to normal."

"That's just great," I complained. "And we don't have a CLUE where the Nanman King IS, do we?"

"Nope!" Ning said cheerfully. "But don't worry, Shang Xiang, we'll get there eventually."

"So we could be out here for hours," Tong said. "At least she's not heavy."

"She's not?" I asked.

"Nope. She's really light, actually. Unlike you, FATTY."

Before I could punch Tong's lights out, Ning interrupted us. "Hey, look over there!" he said, pointing. Tong and I both looked. A gigantic stone temple-thing could be seen in the distance. "So what?" Tong scoffed. "What the hell is that?"

"Are you always this dumb, or are you making a special effort today? That's the Nanman palace, you idiot," Ning said. "So we just head that way and we'll be there pretty soon!"

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Woohoo, I poisoned Xiao Qiao. Will she get better? Or is the poison contagious, and therefore kills Ling Tong and everyone else too? There's only one way to find out... tune into the next action-packed chapter of THE PRINCESS DIARIESS!!

(Wow. Too bad the title's not a wee bit more intimidating/good, or that'd have been a great advertisement slogan. :D)

Uhh... new chapter up tomorrow, go review. :D I don't stay up until 12AM writing slop to be unappriciated and ignored!!


	26. Bickering

Aaah, I'm almost halfway through!! Whoaaa, we're halfway thereee, whoaaa, livin' on a prayerrr--- anyone like Bon Jovi?? Anyone:D

I dunno if I'm actually going to do it, but I'm thinking of doing a one-shot chapter in Ling Tong's POV, y'know, focusing on his thoughts and everything. Shang Xiang is pretty good at figuring out what he's thinking, but she can't read minds, so I was thinking of doing one. :D

Anyway, here we goooo...

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"I HATE THE SUN," Tong growled angrily. "Look at this! My arms and my face won't stop stinging!"

"Yeah, we're getting a lot of sun out here," I complained. "Look at Xiao, she's asleep again!"

"You two need to spend more time out in the sun," Ning said, rolling his brown eyes. He looked pretty much the same, probably because his skin was already pretty tan. "Well, at least you two have nice tans."

"And we're almost there," I said, pointing ahead.

"We'd better be," Tong whined. "Xiao here's overstaying her welcome on the Ling Tong Express."

"Is that all you do? Whine and complain?" Gan Ning said. "At least we haven't been attacked recently."

"Yeah, if we got attacked right now, we'd be sitting ducks," I agreed.

"Can we break for a few minutes? I think Xiao's starting to wake up," Tong said, finally saying something that wasn't a complaint.

"Yeah, why not. I'm tired too," I said.

Ning sat down under the shade of a tree and stretched. "Man I'm hungry. I wish we had some meat buns or something."

"Okay then. Let's just go back in time and stop you from EATING THE ONES WE BROUGHT," Tong said angrily, now trying to wake Xiao up.

"You can do that?" Ning asked.

Tong opened his mouth to reply, (something sarcastic, I'm sure) when Xiao opened her eyes and whimpered. "Tongie? I still feel sick..."

Tong sighed and helped Xiao sit up. "Yeah, we're working on it, Xiao," he said. "Hang in there, ok?"

"OK," Xiao said. She yawned and rested her head on her cousin's shoulder. "Tongie?"

"What?" Tong asked.

"Thanks for everything... you're the best..." Xiao said, putting her arms around Tong's waist.

Tong awkwardly hugged Xiao back, saying, "Yeah, I'm the greatest, aren't I?"

"Not really," Gan Ning said.

"NOBODY ASKED YOU!!" Tong screamed. "You're just jealous because YOU don't get any love!"

"Oh really?" Ning said, raising an eyebrow. "HAH! You don't know the half of it, stupid!"

"I'm smarter than YOU are, dumbo!" Tong said angrily.

"Dumbo? I've heard better comebacks from a meat bun," Ning said, rolling his eyes. "And who are YOU to be talking? Even I know that girl's your COUSIN!Cousins don't count!"

"Sure they do! She's a girl, isn't she?" Tong snapped.

"I bet you've never even kissed a girl before!" Ning yelled. "Oh, and your mother doesn't count," he added.

"HAH! That's where you're wrong, pirate boy! As a matter of fact I HAVE kissed a girl who WASN'T my mother!" Tong said triumphantly.

"Yeah? Who?" Ning scoffed.

My eyes widened. Uh oh. This conversation did not bode well. Last time I checked, I was the only girl Tong had ever kissed in his entire life.

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!!" Xiao shrieked angrily, sitting up. "I'm TRYING TO SLEEP!! And all you people are doing is making more noise!! It's YOUR fault I'm poisoned anyway!!" She promptly collapsed in Tong's lap.

"Xiao's right!!" I said, happy to change the subject. "We should get moving!"

"Yeah, we should get moving before it gets dark again," Ning said. "I sure as hell don't want to spend another night here."

"Tong, c'mon," I said, noticing my friend (_**AND**__**NOTHING**__**MORE**__**THAN**__**THAT**_) still lying on the ground.

"Speak for yourself! Xiao's a dead weight!" Tong complained.

Ning rolled his eyes, leaned over, and effortlessly picked Xiao up by her wrist. "Wow, she's SOOOO heavy," he said, laughing.

Tong jumped up and snatched Xiao away from Ning. "Get your hands off her!"

"I forgot, that's probably the only girl you're ever gonna touch in your entire life, so I might as well let you have your fun," Ning said, rolling his eyes.

"Wrong once again, RETARDO!" Tong screamed.

"Once again, better comebacks from a meat bun," Ning said. "You really are as dumb as you look!"

"WHAT DID I SAY BEFORE ABOUT SHUTTING UP!?" Xiao screamed, and passed out again.

"I like you better when you're unconcious," Tong said, annoyed. "Can't we just leave her like this?"

"Yeah, and we'll make sure to tell Zhou Yu it was YOUR IDEA, so he'll skin you alive," I said.

"C'mon, Shang Xiang, I'll lead the way," Ning said. "Oh, and His Imperial Majesty had better hurry up, or we're gonna leave him behind!" He yelled over at Tong.

We finally got back on the road, (without much arguing, might I add) just as the sun was in the middle of the sky. If we kept up the pace, we'd be at the Nanman palace, if you could call it that, by late afternoon/early evening.

"Hey, maybe if we're lucky, the Nanmans'll feed us," Ning complained.

"Yeah, and maybe if I'M lucky, a giant hole'll open up in the ground and swallow--"

"Don't finish that sentence, Tong," I ordered. "Don't encourage the madness."

Tong sighed. "Whatever."

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Alright, when I broke the chapters up when I wrote all this a million years ago, apparently Ch 25 was short, so to make up for this shitstick chapter I'm gonna add Ch 26 tonight too. But that means no chapter tomorrow, because if I'm not careful I'm gonna run out.

Ch 26 is a fun chapter, if memory serves me correctly, so if you REALLY want to be awesome, review Ch 25 AND Ch 26!! (Of course you don't HAVE to... but it'd be aweosme :D Twice the reivews!!)


	27. Adapting to Nature

I am too amazing. :D Nahhh, but here we go, another chapter!! WOOHOO!!

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We pretty much kept walking in silence, until Tong asked, "Where the hell does a guy, um, relieve himself around here?"

Gan Ning snorted. "Hey, out here you get two choices-- oak, or pine."

"Huh?" Tong asked, obviously not understanding.

"Tong, you pull your pants off, and you do your business behind the tree so WE don't get blinded," I grumbled, rolling my eyes.

"You sure know a lot about this kind of stuff," Ning commented.

"I have two older brothers. I know things I shouldn't," I said.

"How do I clean up when I'm done?" Tong asked, still naive to the ways of the wilderness.

"Save the trees. Wipe your ass with an owl," Ning said, sounding bored. "Now go, before we have another mess on our hands."

"Fine. But nobody look! I'm not performing here!" Tong said, putting Xiao down and stomping off.

"Oh darn, what a shame," Ning said sarcastically.

"You better not be looking, either one of you!" Tong hollered.

"We're NOT. Just hurry up! We're burning daylight!" Ning yelled.

"What do I do again!?" Tong hollered.

"I already told you! Bend your knees, wiggle your hips, and think about waterfalls!" Ning yelled.

"He sure is taking a while," I commented, after a couple of minutes passed without any sarcastic comments. "Yo Tong, did you die back there!?"

"Umm... how should I put this? It's not what you think it is," Tong hollered.

"Oh. EW!"

"I think a bug just bit my ass!" Tong wailed.

"That's more information than I ever needed to hear! Now hurry up!" Ning screamed.

"Sheesh! Where'd YOU learn to be such a jerk? You're not the one hunched over trying to drop a--"

"TONG, PLEASE!! I do NOT need these kinds of details!" I screamed.

"It's out," Tong yelled.

"Thanks for the update," Ning growled.

"Hey! I can't find any owls!" Tong screamed.

"Just pull your pants up and let's go!" I said angrily.

"I refuse! That's disgusting! Hang on, I'll just use these leaves," said Tong, STILL insisting on providing us with horrific mental images.

"Aah, that's better," Tong said, FINALLY coming back. "Wow, these leaves are really soft! Maybe they're aloe leaves," he said, holding up a few in my face. "Look Shang Xiang!"

"Please be clean, please be clean," I begged to the Gods.

Ning took one look at the leaves and snorted. "That's poison ivy."

"What does that mean?" Tong asked.

"It means you're gonna be pretty itchy," Ning said, snorting. "And if you rubbed them where I think you rubbed them, it also means you're gonna have   
trouble dropping a crap for a while."

"WHY must my life be terrible? What did I EVER do to deserve this?" Tong wailed. His expression changed. "Oooh... ITCHY! ITCHY! SO ITCHY!" he screamed.

"Don't scratch!" I yelled.

"Why? Does scratching make it worse?"

"No, I just don't want to see you scratching your ass!" I growled.

"Yeah! Haven't we been tortured enough?" Ning asked, picking up Xiao.

"HEY! What are you--"

"Since you're too pre-occupied with your itchy ass, I'll carry the girl! I'm not gonna kill her or anything!" Ning said, rolling his eyes.

"BOTH OF YOU, SHUT UP," I growled. "I don't care HOW many pit stops we have to make! We are NOT failing this mission!"

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27 pit stops later, (no comment) we finally arrived at the Nanman palace. It was actually a large conglamoration of stones, arranged in a pyramid-shape, surrounded by tropical life, but I guess it was considered a palace for these kinds of people.

"So, what do we do now?" Tong asked, scratching his itchy place.

"Knock on the gate, itchy butt," Gan Ning said.

I knocked on the gate. "Um, hello?" I yelled.

One of the gates finally swung open, revealing a woman who looked older than me, dressed in Amazon-like clothes. "Who the heck are you?" the woman demanded.

Tong shoved me out of the way and stuck out his dirty, butt-scratched hand. "Hi! I'm Ling Tong! I'm from Wu and I am SIN-GLE!!" he said, grinning like an idiot.

"Whatever you do, don't touch that hand!" Gan Ning hollered.

The woman looked at him like he was a piece of trash stuck to the sole of her boot. "I'm Zhu Rong, the Goddess of Fire, and I'm also NOT interested," she said. "Can I help you kids?" (Zhu Rong is wearing her DW4 outfit, with her DW4 VOICE!!)

"Um, yes. I'm Princess Sun Shang Xiang, of Wu, and we've come to speak with the King, Meng Huo," I said.

"Oh. In that case, come on in," Zhu Rong said. She looked at Xiao, then back at Gan Ning, who still had her over his shoulder. "Aren't you a little old for her?" she asked.

"Huh? Oh, this girl ain't my girlfriend! She's just unconcious!" Ning said.

"Oh. Hey, wait a minute, you look familiar..." Zhu Rong said, her eyes narrowing. "Aren't you that stupid kid from a while back?"

"Umm, I don't recall," Ning said, obviously lying.

"Yeah, you were the little ass who tried the 'Is it hot out here, or is it just YOU' line on me," Zhu Rong said angrily.

"Oh, um, yeah, that was me," Ning said innocently.

"Try anything like that this time and I'll set you on fire again," she warned. "C'mon, Meng Huo's over here." She turned and lead the way.

I grabbed Ning by his collar. "Hold your horses, hotpants. Exactly HOW long ago was this?"

"I was 17, baby, relax," Ning said. He glanced over at Tong, who was busy scratching a place I'd rather leave unknown, and leaned over and kissed me. "Don't worry 'bout it, I was a stupid kid."

"Okay, just making sure," I said.

"ARE YOU COMING OR NOT!?" Zhu Rong screamed.

"TONG! Get your tongue off the floor, and let's go!" I hollered, and we ran after her.

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Another short, I-want-those-5-minutes-of-my-life-back chapters. Ah well, (I think) Ch 27 is long. :D But if it's not... err... YOU SHALL SEE MONDAY!!


	28. Meet the King

I forgot what I was going to put here. Happens all the time. xP

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"Hey! King Meng Huo! We've got some visitors for ya!" Zhu Rong hollered, leading us in front of King Meng Huo.

Sitting in the Nanman throne was possibly the largest man I'd ever seen in my life. "Well HELLO!" he said cheerfully, and his voice boomed throughout the castle. "How can I help you kids?"

"Ummm... I'm Princess Sun Shang Xiang, of Wu--" I began, but the King cut me off. "Say no more! I know you! You're Sun Quan's sister, right?"

"Um, yes, I am," I said.

"Excellent! Your brother's a good guy!" Meng Huo said happily. "C'mon, you kids must be starved! Sit on down and eat!"

"REALLY!?" Ning said, looking excited. "We can eat!?"

"Gan Ning? Is that you?" Meng Huo asked, sounding suprised.

"You got it, buddy!" Ning said, saluting.

"Come over here and gimmie a hug, m'boy! It's been too long!" Meng Huo said, holding his gigantic arms out. I noticed he was wearing metal gauntlets on his hands. "Come on, I won't bite ya!"

Ning grinned and ran over to Meng Huo was, only to be grabbed in a bone-crushing hug by the affectionate Nanman King. "Oof!" Ning gasped, trying to move his arms to return the big hug.

"How've ya been, Ning?" Meng Huo asked, obviously ecstatic to see Gan Ning. "If it wasn't for you, we would have lost our territory a while back! You haven't been by for Gan Ning Day recently!"

"Gan Ning has a HOLIDAY?" Tong yelled, ceasing his scratching for a brief minute. "WHY? What'd HE ever do?"

"Gan Ning saved all our lives from those maniac Yellow Turbans!" Meng Huo said cheerfully. "The majority of our troops were under that lunatic's spell! Gan Ning wasn't affected and he kicked the pants off of Zhang Jiao!"

"That's crap!" Tong said angrily. "Gan Ning's a murderer! He killed my father!"

The entire Nanman population gasped. Meng Huo finally let go of Ning, whose face was turning various shades of blue due to lack of oxygen, and looked enraged.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK, BLASPHEMER!" he bellowed, making the entire palace shake. "APOLOGIZE! GAN NING IS OUR SAVIOR!"

"Apologize!" I said, frantically shaking Tong's shoulder. "He'll kill us all!"

"I-I'm sorry!" Tong said, crossing his fingers behind his back.

"Well in that case, YOU'RE FORGIVEN!" Meng Huo said, sitting back down again, cheerful mood restored. He noticed Xiao Qiao, lying on the floor where Ning had dropped her.

"What happened to her?" he asked.

"She drank some of the poison swamp," Ning said, inhaling deeply. "Is there anything you can do to help her out?"

"Of course! Jinhuan Sanjie! Get over here!" Meng Huo said.

A dark-skinned man scurried up. "Yes, Great King?" he inquired.

"Go fetch some of those delicious Poison Pastries you made!" Meng Huo said.

"On the double! This girl's life is at stake!" Zhu Rong added.

"Steak? Where?" Meng Huo asked.

"Not THAT kind of steak, honey," Zhu Rong said.

"HONEY!? Are you two married?" Tong asked.

"Who, me and sweetheart? Of course!" Meng Huo chirped happily, clapping Zhu Rong on the shoulder affectionately and accidently knocking her to the floor. "Oops. Sorry, sweetheart."

He turned to Jinhuan Sanjie, the man with the "Poison Pastries", who had just returned.

(AN: Poison Pastries, the next generation of PopTarts!!)

"Here! Have your friend eat one of these!" Meng Huo said, handing me the plate. Tong dragged Xiao over, and I popped a piece into her sleepy mouth. "Xiao, eat," I said.

Xiao's eyes flickered open a little, and she slowly chewed the pastry. She snatched the rest from my hand and devoured the rest of it, then jumped up, completely recovered! "Wow! I'm all better!" Xiao squealed happily. "Thanks, sir!" She bowed down to Meng Huo.

"Aw, it was nuthin'! We all eat Poison Pastries, so the poison don't affect us anymore!" Meng Huo said cheerfully. "Now c'mon! Sit down and eat!"

We all sat down, (me making sure to sit down next to my boyfriend, who was behaving, and not watching the scantily-clad Amazon women walk by; of course, Tong was) and looked at the food. "Eat up, guys! It's good!" Ning said, already stuffing his face.

"Can I have more Poison Pastries?" Xiao asked eagerly, eyeing the plate greedily.

"No, we only save those for emergencies," Meng Huo said.

"Do you have anything to treat poison ivy?" Tong asked, squirming in his seat uncomfortably.

"Afraid not, kiddo," Meng Huo said. "I recommend a nice hot bath when you get home."

Tong groaned and his head plopped into some food. "Curse my itchy butt," he whined.

"Anyway, Great King, I come to you asking for a favor," I said, trying to sound as respectful and dignified as possible. "My brother, Sun Quan, is seeking an alliance with your forces, to help defend our lands from the Wei threat. Our chief strategist, Zhou Yu, believes a symbiotic relationship between Wu and Nanman forces would be beneficiary to us both," I said, quoting what Zhou Yu told me to say word-for-word.

"I lost you at Sun Quan," Meng Huo said, rubbing his head.

"Honey, her brother from Wu is seeking an alliance," Zhu Rong said.

"Oh! Let me ask you something-- does Wu have a lotta food?" Meng Huo asked eagerly.

"Food!? Why do you need FOOD? You're bigger than a-" I covered Tong's mouth with my hand and said hurridly, "You'll have to forgive my companion here. He's gotten a little too much sun."

"And has various other mental problems," Ning added.

"Wu's got the best food ever!" Xiao said, eating a wierd-looking tentacled thing. "But this stuff's great too! Yummy!"

"Food? Well, that's all you had to say!" Meng Huo said cheerfully, rubbing his stomach. "Any time Wu needs the help of my people, feel free to ask!"

"Alright! You're the best, Meng Huo!" Ning said, grinning at me. "See, Shang Xiang? I told you the Nanmans are great!"

"When are you four heading back to Wu?" Zhu Rong asked.

I glanced at Ning. "We can't get back to Wu before nightfall, can we?" I asked.

"Maybe on a Red Hare that swallowed a carriage full of beans," Gan Ning said. "On foot, it'd take us at least three days."

Meng Huo laughed. "On foot? You think I'd let Nan Zhong's greatest hero-- after me and sweetheart, of course-- WALK to Wu? Nonsense! We'll lend you some elephants!"

"How will we give them back?" I asked.

"We'll even send an entourage with you, to make sure you don't get lost! The entourage'll bring 'em on home." Meng Huo said. "And if you guys need a place to stay for the night, you can stay here in the palace! It's huge!"

"Really? That's awesome!" I said happily.

"Wow, Gan Ning, it's a good thing you came too!!" Xiao said, beaming at him.

Ning grinned back. "Hey, no prob! I didn't even remember I was such a hero around here!"

Meanwhile, on my other side, Tong was sulking, as usual. "Now my own flesh and blood has turned to the dark side! What next?" he wailed.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes with great difficulty. "Tong, you realize without Gan Ning we'd be sleeping on the cold hard ground and dragging our sorry and hungry asses home to Wu, right?"

Tong didn't reply. Apparently he agreed, although his dignity didn't allow him to say it.

"Sweetheart, will you show our new friends where they're staying?" Meng Huo asked.

"Of course, honey. C'mon, all of you," Zhu Rong said, getting up. We all followed after her.

"Unfortunately, we only have three available rooms, so two of you'll have to share," she said, leading us down the corridors and pointing to three rooms, one of which had two seperate beds in it.

"Shang Xiang, let's be roomies!" Xiao said, running into the double-bed room. I shrugged. "Okay, why not. Looks like Tong and Ning get their own rooms."

"Darn right," Ning said. "A man's gotta have his privacy!"

"Yeah, lemme know when you find one," Tong said, rolling his eyes. Then he apparently realized the supreme stupidity of what he just said and smacked his forehead. "Never mind. I call this room." He stomped into one and shut the door.

"Poor Tongie," Xiao giggled. The door was closed, and the only person around was Xiao, so Ning got me in a big hug. "G'night, Shang Xiang," he said, kissing my forehead. "Sorry if I went a little overboard today. You know you're the only girl for me."

I felt like I was going to melt. "Aw, Ning, just shut up and kiss me already," I said.

Ning laughed and kissed me. "See ya later," He said, and let me go. I stumbled back into the room Xiao and I were sharing and collapsed on the bed Xiao wasn't on.

Xiao looked up at me. "Shang Xiang? Are you OK?"

"I'm more than okay," I said happily. "I think I'm in love!! And it feels GREAT!!"

Xiao giggled happily. "I knew it! Shang Xiang, I'm so happy for you!! You were right all along! Ning is really nice and funny, just like you said!"

Seeing the look I shot her, she quickly added, "And he's completely yours! Don't get me wrong!"

I hugged onto a pillow and rolled around on the bed. "Xiao, you know what's the worst part about all of this?"

"What?" Xiao asked, pulling her long white boots off.

"The fact that I CAN'T TELL ANYONE!! It stinks!"

"I remember when Zhouie asked me to marry him! Remember? I was so happy I was jumping up and down, and then I fell out of that window!" Xiao said happily, grinning at the memory. "But I landed on top of Lu Xun, which prevented me from getting hurt!"

"Lu Xun was hospitalized for a month, though," I said, laughing.

"I guess that's what love is all about. It makes you so happy you feel like you're invincible, and I guess you wanna go wild," Xiao said.

"HEY! YOU GIRLS SHUT UP IN THERE!" Tong hollered from his room.

I rolled my eyes and climbed into my bed. "Alright, Xiao, we really should get some bed rest before tomorrow. If we hustle we can be home by tomorrow night."

Xiao nodded and got into her bed. "G'night, Shang Xiang!"

"G'night, Xiao!"

"SHUT UP!!" Tong screamed again.

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All this mushy Gan Ning/SSX stuff is making me sick. xP Well, not really. Well, really. xD

Almost forgot to beg for reviews. :D


	29. Shortest Chapter Ever

Holy crap, a two page chapter. Sorry guys, I'm definitely gypping you here... I would put two chapters up, but unfortunately I don't want to stray too far off my schedule. So tomorrow you get a super long chapter... yeah, you will. xD I promise.

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The next morning, after we enjoyed a gigantic breakfast feast prepared especially for us, King Meng Huo let us borrow four elephants to ride home to Wu in. Two Nanman generals, Dong Tu Na and Ahui Nan were given orders to escort us back to Wu. The way things were looking, we figured we'd be home by the end of the day.

"It sure will be nice to go home," Xiao said.

"And it'll sure be nice when this ivy rash finally wears off," Tong complained, scratching as usual.

"Scratching will only make it worse," Ning laughed.

Tong froze. "Why didn't you tell me that BEFORE!?" he screamed.

"Yeah, well, I just wanna go home," I grumbled. "At least we probably get PAID to do stuff like this."

"We get paid?" Tong asked. "Wow! I thought we were doing this because nobody else wanted to!"

"That's probably why we're getting paid," Ning said.

"Yeah, I wouldn't do this kind of crap for free," Tong said.

"Are you four about ready?" called one of the Nanman generals.

"Yeah, we're ready whenever you are," I replied.

"Then we could have gone an hour ago! Northerners are so high maintenance," grumbled the other.

We headed off back towards Wu, and after a very long trip on the elephants, around twilight Xiao screamed, "I CAN SEE THE CASTLE!!" which cheered us all up significantly. We were almost home.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey! They're back!!" Ce yelled, jumping up and running over to us, as we entered the large Great Hall.

"AAH!! Look at you!" Da wailed. "You're all filthy!"

Truthfully, we WERE. We were sunburned, disheveled, sweaty, bloody, and in Tong's case, itchy.

Quan jumped off his Imperial throne and scurried over to us. "Ah! You're back already! How'd it go?"

"Meng Huo agreed to ally with us," I said. "He says any time you need his help, just send word-- and have a feast prepared."

"Excellent work! I knew I could count on you, Shang Xiang!" Quan said, patting my shoulder. "Ew. You're sweaty," he said, wiping his now damp hand on his robes. "All of you, go bathe. That's an order!"

"Oh, and stop scratching, Ling Tong! That's disgusting!" Quan added, then left.

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On second, I feel guilty for giving this crap to you. Two chapters! Next chapter's up too!


	30. Hangin with Ce

Two chapters, as promised. Becuase I'm cool like that. xD The Nanman campaign is over, but trouble is still around... because if it wasn't, I wouldn't have a story. So yay trouble!! xD

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The next day, I slept in late, feeling I deserved it after that EXHAUSTING Nanman Campaign. I left my room and headed downstairs, looking for a sparring partner. I was bored out of my mind, and wanted something to do.

I bumped into Ce, who, for some reason, was pacing around the Great Hall nervously. "Ce, what's up?" I asked.

Ce turned and grabbed my shoulders. "Shang Xiang, I'm having a baby," he said, looking terrified.

"Duh. Da's been pregnant for months now," I said.

"No, I know that. I just realized, in less than a year, I'm gonna be a daddy! How the hell am I supposed to do that?" Ce whined.

"Easy. Sit on your rump and let Da do all the work," I replied, obviously joking. "How hard can it be? You feed it, you play with it, you, uh... bathe it. Easy."

"How do YOU know?" Ce whined.

"I don't," I replied. "It's moments like this that make me say "Yay not being married!"

"Hah, that's what you say NOW! Being married is great!" Ce said cheerfully.

"You must have a weird definition of the word great," I grumbled.

"Aw, c'mon, it's not bad," Ce assured me. "Besides, even YOU have to get married eventually!"

"I don't HAVE to," I pointed out.

"Sure you do! Quan'll NEVER get a girl, so if you don't have kids, I'll never get to be Uncle Ce!" Ce said.

"But I don't know anyone," I whined. Well OK I _did_, but c'mon, does Ning look like the kind of guy who wants to get married!?

"That's why you have Ling Tong. He's Plan B," Ce said, laughing. "My god, can you imagine being married to Ling Tong?"

"I'd rather not," I grumbled.

"Or worse, having kids? Yuck!" Ce said, obviously taking great joy in making fun of Tong.

"Stop! You're making me sick!" I wailed.

"Anyway, I need something to get my mind off things, and I don't know where Ling Tong is- normally I make fun of him when I'm down- so I'm up for suggestions. Anything you want to do?"

"Want to spar?" I suggested.

"OK!" Ce agreed. We headed outside into the practice arena, which for some reason was completely empty. We headed to the storage bins, where basically harmless replicas of our weapons were stored. (AN: The weapons are basically the character's 1st weapon; decorative chakrams, paper fans, bamboo tonfas, wood nunchakus, ect.)

"Alright, Shang Xiang, ready?" Ce asked, raising his tonfas.

"You bet I am," I answered. We charged each other at the same time, I swung and Ce blocked my chakrams. "Ha! I taught you that!" he said, laughing.

I jumped back and tried swinging again. Since we were only play fighting, the weapons didn't hurt at all (maybe caused a splinter or a spark) so I playfully whapped my brother on the head with my chakram. He yelped and punched me in the arm with the tonfa.

We continued for about an hour, basically just practicing striking and blocking. The fact that it was very hot and humid outside didn't help keep us in the best of spirits.

"You're not into it today," I complained. "Normally you're way more of a challenge."

"You'd be worried too if you realized in less than a year you were going to be responsible for a human life other than your own," Ce retorted.

"What about Da?"

"I never even thought of it that way," Ce said thoughtfully. "Hey, I've got an idea! Come on, let's go swimming. It's hot out here." He grabbed my arm and dragged me off towards the Jiang Dong river.

"Hey! I'm not dressed for swimming!" I whined, helpless while my brother pulled me onto the large docks. (Gan Ning was lying on his boat deck fast asleep, completely oblivious to Ling Tong dumping something that looked suspiciously like horse poop onto him. Ew.)

"Too bad!" Ce said, scooping me up in his arms and throwing me into the water.

I hit the water hard, and surfaced, cursing my brother. "CE!" I screamed angrily, shaking my damp hair out of my eyes.

"What?" Ce asked, removing his chest armor and his boots. "It's nice in there!" He jumped off the dock and landed right next to me, causing MORE filthy river water to splash me in the face. (Woohoo, Sun Ce's got his shirt off!! It's days like today that make me say "YAY BEING THE AUTHOR!1!11!!!1!!")

"Aaaaah, this feels great," Ce said happily, floating on his back. "At least it's a nice day!"

I groaned. There was no point arguing with my happy-go-lucky older brother.

"Hey Ce?"

"Mmm?"

"What you said earlier, did you mean it?"

"I forgot what I said."

"Y'know, about me having kids someday. You think it'll ever happen?"

"Yeah, why not? Unless you like, die or something," Ce said. "Or, of course, your children are fathered by Ling Tong, because they'll turn out to be slimy parasitic life forms."

"Hey, lay off. He's still my friend," I pointed out. "And last time I checked, he's human!"

"Ehhhh, I guess... Anyways, yeah, you SHOULD have some kids. Y'know, carry on the Sun dynasty," Ce said.

"It doesn't matter. Any baby of mine'll just take my husband's family name, not mine," I said.

"Yeah, so unless me or Quan have some sons, then the Sun dynasty'll die out. We'll have to resort to incest or something," Ce said.

"Ew!" I whined.

"Kidding, I was kidding. Like I'd ever do Quan," Ce said, and laughed.

"Still ew," I complained.

"Whatever. But, Shang Xiang, in order for you to ACTUALLY have kids, you'll need to find yourself a man one of these days. Kids don't fall from trees, y'know," Ce said, snickering.

"Yeah, I know," I said, blushing a little.

"So? Picked out a lucky guy yet?" Ce teased.

Yes, and he's lying 10 feet away being covered in horse excrement. "Umm, no," I lied.

"Suure," Ce laughed. "Is that sunburn, or are you just blushing?"

"Shut up!" I said.

"Aha! I've hit a nerve! Who is he?" Ce asked, grinning.

"Nobody!" I whined. "Ce, give me a rest! I'm only 19!"

"So is Da."

"Yeah, and that's just gross," I said. "She was 16 when you guys got married!"

"So? You can't put an age on love!"

"HEY!! WHAT THE HELL!?"

Before I could answer Ce, we heard a loud scream from Gan Ning's boat. Ce and I scrambled up to see what was going on. Apparently Tong had accidentally woken Ning up, and when he woke up, he was covered in horse excrement, and panicked.

"YOU BASTARD! GET OFF MY SHIP!!" Gan Ning screamed, and for a minute, all we heard was a loud yell of pain, followed by Tong flying off the edge of the ship, landing like a brick into the water.

Tong surfaced, his brown hair all over his face, screaming various profanities at Gan Ning, who stomped off. Miraculously he was able to keep himself afloat.

"I'll give you a 10 for the dive, but a 2 for the landing," Ce said, stiffling a laugh.

"Shut up," Tong grumbled.

"What were you doing anyway?" I asked.

"Getting revenge. I just went for a walk, saw the creep sleeping on his ship, noticed a couple buckets of horse turd near the stables, and figured I'd have some fun," Tong said, shrugging.

Ce snorted. "Mess with the bull, you get the horns."

"Thanks," Tong said sarcastically. "What are you two doing in this sludge river anyway?"

"It's hot out, I thought my dear little sister and I could use a little swim," Ce said. "Speaking of which, something just bit my leg."

"Probably a fish," I said.

"I figured. Most rivers are lousy with fish, so this one's no exception," Ce said, hoisting himself out of the water.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I just remembered I've got stuff to do, so I'm outta here. See you guys at lunch." He strapped his armor and boots back on over his bare chest and feet and headed off back to the castle.

I turned back to Tong. "Hey, how come you can swim so good now?"

"I can't. I'm standing in four feet of water," Tong said, pointing to the ground. "That's the good thing about being tall."

"Well, I guess I'll never know," I said. The only people in Wu shorter than me who were ranking generals were Da and Xiao Qiao.

"Oh, did you hear? Apparently we might be going to war with Cao Cao pretty soon," Tong said.

"We are? Why?" I asked.

"I dunno for sure, but whatever it was, Zhou Yu looked really pissed off about it. Said something to do with a prophecy. We might even ally with Shu," Tong continued.

"What? Ally with Shu?" I asked. "What for?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," Tong said. "I only know what I heard Lord Sun Quan tell Zhou Yu this morning at breakfast."

"C'mon! Quan'll tell me, I'm his sister!" I said, getting out of the water. Tong followed me, but not before Gan Ning leaned over the edge and dropped the remainder of the horse excrement over the edge, causing it to sail through the air and land on Tong's hair.

"AAAAGGGGHHH!!" Tong screamed, his face twisting into so many different emotions Zhou Yu and Lu Xun couldn't name them all.

Deciding it was a good time to run, and FAST, I ran off toward the castle. Why WERE we going to battle with WEI? Wei wasn't the enemy. Well, they were NOW.

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I'm thinking of writing a letter to Koei, begging them to make an outfit of Sun Ce with his shirt off. He's got those killer biceps in DW4, let's see what ELSE that armor's hiding!! xD

Oops, that came out way wrong. Hehe. Well, anyways, hope you liked the chapter, check back tomorrow... unless I'm lazy/dead and don't update. (I plan on updating again.)

Unfortunately I'm running out of chapters, so probably after this week I'll be out. So I'll have to start WRITING stuff again... xP

So anyways, review, do whatever you do when you're done reading, and if you're really bored, read my other stuff. xD (Shameless advertisement, I know. xD)


	31. Preparing for War

Alright alright, I went about three days without updating, but before you go crazy and claw my eyeballs out, don't forget it took me TWO YEARS to start updating this thing again. :D

And I'm fresh out of pre-written chapters now, so everything I publish now will come out of... aw, man, I'm gonna have to THINK? Shoot.

Jusssst kidding. D:

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"Hey, Shang Xiang!" Xiao said, waving at me when I entered the castle.

"Hey, Xiao, do you know what's going on?" I asked, not mincing words.

"Huh?" Xiao asked.

"You know, with this war supposedly coming up. Do you have the details?" I asked. Being married to our chief strategist, Xiao might know SOMETHING.

"Um, what war?" Xiao asked. "I know something's wrong with Zhou Yu, though. He looks like he's catching some illness, and every time I ask him what's the matter, he just tells me not to worry about anything."

"Then something is definitely wrong," I said. "I'll let you know if I find out what's going down, alright?"

"OK. Thanks, Shang Xiang," Xiao said. She turned and headed off in the opposite direction.

I continued walking down towards the Great Hall, where Quan spent the majority of his time. Quan was there, deep in discussion with Ce and Zhou Yu. They all looked up when I came in.

"Hello, Shang Xiang. Sit down, we need to talk with you," Quan said, gesturing to an empty seat nearby. I came over and sat down. "What's up?" I asked.

"First we need your word that everything we're about to tell you will remain completely confidential. You can't tell ANYONE, and since we know you're going to tell Ling Tong anyway, swear him to secrecy before you tell him anything," Zhou Yu said.

"Um, OK, I promise," I said.

"I'm serious. If word of this escapes and reaches the Qiaos, I don't want them to be frightened or worried, so please, keep it quiet," Zhou Yu continued.

"You've got my word," I replied. "What's going on?"

"Cao Cao has, finally, demanded the Two Qiaos. He's sent us an ultimatum-- send him both Da and Xiao Qiao, by the time the Winter arrives, or his massive army will lay seige to Wu," Zhou Yu said, looking angry.

"He also said he would willingly take the Princess of Wu, but since you're neither pregnant nor easily frightened, we decided it's best to let you know," Quan added.

I groaned. Cao Cao? Ew. Give me a break.

"Of course, since giving up Da and Xiao isn't an option we're even going to think about considering, this means war," Ce said. "I don't want Da finding out; she'll get worried and it might endanger the baby."

"But how are we supposed to explain how the whole Wu army's leaving for battle without them knowing it's a war? Tell them we're going on a giant picnic?" I asked sarcastically.

"Simply tell them we're going to battle, and no, they can't come," Zhou Yu replied. "If they inquire why, just say Cao Cao threatened us. That's all."

"Unfortunately, we're stuck allying with Shu, for two reasons. One, as much as I hate to admit it, we're just not a big enough force to take on Cao Cao. Our generals are strong, and our navy is unbeatable, but unfortunately Cao Cao's got more generals and his navy is larger. We're outnumbered. Shu's forces help-- not much, but they're a start," Ce growled. He hated alliances, and with good reasons. Bad stuff always resulted.

"The second reason is because of our strategy. We're thinking fire attack," Zhou Yu said. "However, as you know, the wind is a key part of fire attacks. Since the direction the wind blows is volatile, we're unsure where it'll blow. We need Zhuge Liang, the Shu strategist's, assistance."

"So when are we fighting?" I asked.

"We start preperations tomorrow," Zhou Yu said. "It's already early Fall. Two months preparation should be enough to get ready. Of course, we should be ready to go at any given moment. Cao Cao's naval fleet could arrive any day now."

I shuddered at the thought of Cao Cao's gigantic fleet, arriving in the Chang Jiang river while we all slept. Cao Cao's army was probably big enough to cover the entire Wu country.

"Alright, so that's basically all we need to tell you. Sorry for completely ruining your day," Ce said, smiling a little.

"And remember- you can tell Ling Tong, but absolutely NO word of this operation reaches the Two Qiaos. Understood?" Zhou Yu said.

"I hear you," I replied. "See ya!" I headed out of the Great Hall and walked smack into Tong, standing right outside the door, obviously eavesdropping.

"Ow!" he complained.

"Come on, we gotta talk," I said, grabbing his hand and dragging him back outside.

"What's going on?" Tong asked, confused.

"I'll tell you, come on!" I said.

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"Another war? Are you kidding?" Tong asked, looking annoyed.

"I'm not happy about it either, but we're doing it for the Qiaos," I said.

"And you," Tong said. "You said that Cao Cao'd take you, too."

"You don't have to worry about me," I said, sounding more confident than I felt.

"Yeah, but... Can't we just kill Cao Cao?" Tong asked.

"It'd be nice if we could," I grumbled. "Well, we leave for war in two months, and Zhou Yu said we begin preparing tomorrow."

"And we're allying with Shu, right?" Tong asked.

"Unfortunately. I don't like the thought of allying with anyone, but we don't have many other options at the moment," I said.

"Alright, whatever," Tong said, standing up.

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Me: -sleeping-

Gan Ning: Oi! Wake up!

Sun Ce: Are you kidding!? Run for the hills, before she does more bad things to us!

Gan Ning: Good point.

Both: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! -running away screaming-

Oops, my bad. This is the shortest chapter yet. xD Ah, whatever. I'm so tired I'm dead, but I promise a better review soon. I don't wanna say tomorrow, I don't wanna guarantee anything...


	32. Kidnapped

Hey, I've got nothing to say for once. Go figure. :D

A'ght, I've got something to say on a completely unrelated note. Anybody like Soul Calibur? Then go read my Soul Calibur fics too!! They're under the Jenizaki account, just head over to the Soul Calibur section and I'll be around somewhere. Thanks mucho if you do:)

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(AN: Since, loyal readers, I'd rather not bore you to tears with tedious chapters about passing the two months away, and I'm too lazy to write them anyway, I'll fast forward.)

"Well, that about does it," Ce yawned. "Supplies, weapons, troops all ready to go. We head out tomorrow." He sat down on one of the comfortable chairs next to his wife and rested his head on her shoulder. "I'm exhausted," he said with another yawn.

"My poor baby," Da sympathized, stroking Ce's hair.

I rolled my eyes and supressed the gag reflex. Tomorrow we all set out for Chi Bi, hopefully able to beat Cao Cao's forces there. I had been talking to Da Qiao in one of the rooms of the palace when Ce came in.

"So am I interrupting any girl talk?" Ce asked. "Just pretend I'm not here if you are... I don't feel like getting up..."

"You're not, don't worry," I said. "Ce, you think we stand a chance tomorrow? Or are we gonna get our asses kicked?"

"Ah, we'll be fine," Ce said with another sleepy yawn. "Mmmm... alright, I'm goin' to bed, I'm gonna collapse. G'night, Shang Xiang, g'night, honey, g'night, son/daughter... see you later..." Ce kissed Da's cheek, patted her pregnant belly, got up, left and bumped into Zhou Yu, who was coming in the room looking worried.

"Hey Zhou Yu," Ce yawned.

"Where's Xiao Qiao?" Zhou Yu asked. "She's usually always around after dinner."

"Now that you mention it, I haven't seen her either," Da said, rubbing her pregnant belly affectionately.

"Hey, this is Xiao Qiao we're talking about, don't worry about her," I said, grinning.

"And yet I am," Zhou Yu said, thinking. "Hmm... the only place I haven't looked is in the library, and I know she wouldn't be in there."

"She might be with Tong," I suggested.

"Where's he?" Zhou Yu asked.

"I don't know. Probably in his room," I said.

"Perhaps Xiao Qiao is with Lu Xun?" Da suggested. "If that's the case then she would be in the library."

"Well, I'll go look," Zhou Yu decided, and hurried off.

"Wonder where she is," Da said thoughtfully.

Tong came in the room, looking annoyed.

"What's the matter with you?" I asked.

"I'm beat," Tong whined, and flopped down on a couch opposite from me and Da. "I don't wanna go to war tomorrow... I don't care about Cao Cao, I say we let the damn Shu forces take care of it all."

"Shu'll be obliterated," I laughed. "Shu couldn't fight their way out of a box without getting their asses kicked. All that virtue crap they believe in--"

"Did you say Cao Cao!?" Da Qiao cried, standing up.

"Yeahhh... that _is_ who we're fighting tomorrow," Tong grunted, and I threw a pillow at him to shut him up.

"Oops. I mean, uh, we're not fighting CAO CAO... we're fighting, uh... uhhh..."

Lucky for Tong, his demonstration of stupidity was interrupted by a white-faced Lu Xun, bursting into the room. "L-Lady Xiao Qiao! I heard her scream!" he gasped, looking terrified.

"Calm down, Lu Xun, what's going on?" I asked.

"Xiao Qiao! I heard a scream!" Lu Xun repeated, his brown eyes wide. "I think she's in danger!"

"What!? Why didn't you do anything to help her!?" I demanded, as me and Tong jumped to our feet (Da Qiao was out of commission due to the baby) and followed the strategist out of the castle.

"I don't have a weapon!" Lu Xun said. "I'll go get Zhou Yu!"

"Get my Ce too!" I yelled.

"I don't hear any screaming," Tong grumbled. "Maaaan, she probably just tripped over her own--"

"NO!! HELP MEEE!"

"Does THAT answer your question!?" I yelled. "Come on!"

Zhou Yu and Ce ran out of the castle behind us. "What was that!?" Zhou Yu asked, looking frightened.

"Sounded like Xiao!" I said. "Come on, it was this way!"

All four of us ran to the site of the noise. "XIAO QIAO!" Zhou Yu screamed, drawing his sword.

At least fifty Wei soldiers were running around like chickens with their heads cut off, brandishing swords and spears and trying to capture what I assumed to be Xiao Qiao.

"Come ON! Let's go!" Zhou Yu yelled, and chased after the troops quickly making their way back to their ship.

"Dammit!! What the hell are they doing here!?" Ce asked, angrily looking around. "God knows how many more of them are here hiding somewhere!"

"Nooo! Zhouie, help me!" Xiao cried, her scream piercing the night sky. Zhou Yu was running as quickly as he could, but the troops had already boarded their ship

"NO! XIAO QIAO!" Zhou Yu yelled, desperately trying to make his way towards his scared wife.

"Cao Cao must have sent these soldiers here to capture Xiao Qiao!! Dammit!!" Ce swore. "Xiao, we're coming! Hang in there!"

Several of the troops had managed to capture Xiao Qiao, and were trying to drag her towards the ship. Lucky for our side, she was struggling and trying to put up as much of a fight as she could, but she was outnumbered. There was no way we'd be able to get to her in time.

"Dammit! No! Xiao Qiao!" Zhou Yu screamed.

"Zhou Yu! It's OK, we'll get her back!" Ce said, quickly running to his best friend's side. "C'mon, bro, it's gonna be OK! We'll get her back!"

"I let her down," Zhou Yu said, in shock. "I couldn't save her. She's gone."

"No she's not, bro, she'll be fine!" Ce assured. "C'mon, we'll get her back tomorrow! Xiao Qiao's a tough cookie, she can take care of herself, alright? Don't worry."

Zhou Yu just shook his head and stormed into the castle. Ce glanced over at the ship sailing away and swore again. "We'll get you back, Xiao, I promise," he said.

I choked back a sob. My best friend had just been kidnapped, right under our noses, and I was helpless to do anything about it. How could I have let her down like this? The one time when she needed our help the most, and I did nothing to help her. I furiously wiped my eyes and felt a comforting arm around my shoulder.

"It'll be OK, Shang Xiang," Ce said gently, trying to calm me down. "I hate to admit it, I want to go back and tear Cao Cao's nads off, but there's nothing we can do right now except murder Cao Cao tomorrow."

I nodded and fought back another sob. Ce gently wiped one of my tears off my face and I hugged him tightly. "Ce, I feel like I let her down," I said sadly. "What if something happens to her? It'll be my fault!"

"It is not your fault," Ce said firmly. "How the hell were we supposed to know he'd ambush us in the middle of the night the day before a war to kidnap Xiao? If there's one thing we know it's that Cao Cao's not going to kill her, and she'll be safe when we get her back."

"Yeah, but still..." I sniffed. Ce gave me another hug. "She'll be fine, Shang Xiang. I promise."

(AN: Is it me, or is Sun Ce giving the impression that he doesn't care about Xiao Qiao? If it isn't just me, and you think it too, my apologies, I didn't mean it to seem that way. :P)

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It was with heavy, guilty hearts that we had to return to the castle and tell a terrified Da Qiao and Lu Xun that Xiao Qiao had been kidnapped.

"WHAT!?" Da Qiao shrieked, and began crying. Ce quickly ran to her side to comfort her, and she collapsed in his arms, sobbing hysterically.

Seeing Da cry was triggering those annoying female feelings that make you cry whenever you see someone else doing it. I shook my own tears away, forcing myself to be angry instead of upset. Crying didn't get you anywhere, that's why I tried to avoid them.

I turned to Tong, who hadn't said anything since Xiao had been dragged away. He was sitting down again, on the same couch as before, with his head in his hands. I moved over towards him and squeezed his shoulder. He looked up, and although he wasn't crying, he looked upset. Everyone in the room aside from Da all wore the same sick anger on their faces.

I put my arm around Tong's waist in an attempt to cheer him up, and although it didn't bring the smile back, I sure as hell didn't expect it to. Instead he leaned over and rested his head on my shoulder. I sighed and hugged him.

"Where's Zhou Yu?" Lu Xun, looking heartbroken, spoke up after the long silence, only interrupted by Da's sobbing.

"Not sure," Ce replied, still hugging his wife, which looked difficult due to her large bulging belly. "I think he went to bed..."

"How can he sleep with Lady Xiao missing?" Lu Xun asked.

"That's just how he is," Ce answered. "Da, honey, cheer up, c'mon, it'll be OK..." Da sniffed and snuggled up to him some more in reply.

I had to admit, when you were upset, there was few better places to cry your eyes out than in the arms of my big brother. Well, Ce at least. Quan never really was good with sentimental stuff.

Speaking of Quan. "Has anyone told Quan yet?" I asked. "He'll probably wanna know... Cao Cao invading this early, that is..."

"I think he went to bed too," Ce said. He let out a sigh. "God. I'm tired too, but... I sure as hell don't feel like sleeping in my nice fluffy bed with Xiao gone..."

"None of us do," I said sadly. "But somehow we're gonna have to get some sleep... we're not gonna be able to rescue Xiao if we're all falling asleep."

"I can't sleep knowing Cao Cao's fleet is right down the river," Tong said. He looked over at Ce. "Hey, Ce, do you think Da and Shang Xiang are safe? We don't know if Wei troops are in the castle."

"That's a good point," Ce scowled. "Dammit, I didn't even think of that. Alright, then it's decided. We're all sleeping in here!"

"There's only four couches!" I pointed out. "There's five of us!"

"I'm sharin' with my wife," Ce said, giving her a hug. "Oof. Maybe we should get the deluxe couch."

"Alright, good night everyone... let's try to get some sleep," Lu Xun said, taking his hat off and cuddling up against the couch cushions.

"Off," I said, poking Tong. "Other couch."

Tong rolled his eyes and relocated.

Ce yawned. "Alright, everyone get some sleep. And if Cao Cao busts in the room when we're all asleep, scream really loud." He blew out the candle on the table and the room got dark.

"Hey! I can't see!"

"Exactly. Go to sleep."

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A'ght, I know I ended that pretty bad. I was trying to make a transition scene from the Xiao Qiao kidnapping scene to the Battle of Chi Bi chapter, and that above crap is the result. Eww. Tomorrow's update begins the BATTLE OF CHI BI!! -cue dramatic background music-


	33. Battle of Chi Bi, Part 1

If you'll recall, in the last chapter Cao Cao dropped into Wu to kidnap the Two Qiaos, but only got Xiao Qiao, so upon arrival at Chi Bi, Shang Xiang and Ling Tong are on rescue duty. (Normally I would have Zhou Yu do this, but Shang Xiang is the main character and I need to give her as much air time as possible. :D) This chapter's completely free-minded, so let's see how it turns out...

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I watched quietly as battle preperations carried on, watching the infantry line up in battle formations and stock up on rations. Aside from some people trying bravely to strike up conversation, the general feeling of the area was that of a funeral about to take place.

Which was, in a way, true. Every man (and woman, in my case) serving today was well aware that this may well be our last day of life.

Of course, we all tried not to think too much about that. I didn't give a damn what happened to me; I wasn't leaving this battle without my best friend Xiao Qiao.

"Shang Xiang!"

I tore my awe-stuck eyes from the massive Wei ships lining the horizon to see Tong calling me.

"Hey. What's going on? We ready to move out?" I asked.

"Yeah. This isn't looking good; Pang Tong didn't chain the ships together yet, and we don't have any time to spare. We're gonna have to go on foot if we're gonna find Xiao," Tong said, looking serious. Although he'd never admit it to anyone, he was obviously worried sick about Xiao Qiao and what Cao Cao might be doing to her. (That, and the fact that it was written all over his face.)

Ce had told me earlier that Da was so worried about Xiao that it might affect the health of her baby, my unborn niece or nephew, which only increased the worry and the pressure on everyone, no matter what the cost was.

"Alright then, we don't have any time to lose," I said. "Get your weapons and let's go."

Quan caught us while we were leaving. "Shang Xiang, Ling Tong, good luck," he said. "Cao Cao's wronged us all by taking Xiao Qiao. Get her back safe and sound, before Zhou Yu loses it. He's already barely able to concentrate on the battle preparations."

"We'll get her, Lord Sun Quan," Tong said quietly. "I'm not leaving without her."

"Don't worry, Quan, and tell Zhou Yu not to worry," I said. "We won't let her down."

Quan nodded. "Alright. Get moving, and Zhou Yu told me to inform you that one of the enemy spies we've captured says Xiao Qiao is in one of the heavily guarded Wei bases. Unfortunately, that base is located in the middle of Cao Cao's fleet. Hurry, and don't be seen!"

Tong and I nodded. "Good. Now go!" Quan ordered. "Head for the northern area!"

We headed off and I glanced over at my best friend. His usual playful "Woooo, let's go kick some ass, 'cause we're at WAR!!" face was nowhere to be seen, which meant this was going to be a very long mission.

"Keep your eyes opened," I said. "Cao Cao's probably got ambushes everywhere..."

Tong nodded but didn't speak. I sighed.

Minutes, maybe hours passed, and we kept going. No soldiers had accompanied us, since it would look highly suspicious for a gigantic army to be headed toward Cao Cao's main camp.

"SHANG XIANG!! GET DOWN!!" Tong suddenly screamed. I snapped out of my thoughts just in time to have Tong pull me to the ground. I heard a few arrows go whizzing past our heads

"GET THEM!!" From what little I could see from lying on the ground, I could tell we'd just been ambushed by a group of archers.

"Come on! Get up!" Tong said, as we both scrambled back up on our feet. "Let's kill them!" I yelled, raising my weapons.

"Can't! No time! GO!!" Tong yelled, and pushed me ahead of him. Normally I would never take orders from Tong, especially not stupid orders like RUN LIKE A COWARD, but this sure wasn't the time for angry confrontations. We ran. Like wimps.

If you've been reading this long story from its beginning to now, you know Tong and I aren't famous for being fast runners. We can both run, quite far, but when you've got several archers following you, firing arrows at random intervals, you'd be suprised at how fast we were going.

"Why won't these stupid archers go away!?" I said angrily, as we ran across the moonlit countryside. It was dark, it was hot, and-- for the seventh time today, Tong grabbed me, this time by my arm, and yanked me to the side of the field, into a bunch of uncomfortable thorny plants.

The archers were blind, apparently, since our plunge into the bushes wasn't what you would call graceful, but lucky for us, they went away, yelling something about us being cowards. "YOU BASTARDS!! SAY THAT TO MY-- MPPPH!!" Tong put his sweaty hand over my mouth and pulled me back down to the ground.

"Shhhhh!!" he hissed.

The archers didn't hear me, and luckily enough for us, went away. Tong and I both turned around let out sighs of relief, just when we realized about seven hundred thorns were piercing our skin. Ouch.

I think the only thing that kept us from screaming in pain was the fact that a very dirty, very battered, very bloody, and a very scared Xiao Qiao in the flesh was staring at us, wide-eyed, with her arms wrapped around her legs.

"Uhh... Tong?" I said.

"Yes, I see her too," Tong said quite calmly.

Xiao didn't speak either, instead just looked at us, with that same terrified, wide-eyed stare. Tong and I exchanged glances and both got up, screaming in agony in our minds as we left half of our flesh behind, attached to the thorns. Tong got to Xiao first.

"Xiao!? What happened to you?" Tong asked, hugging the terrified girl. Xiao just whimpered and started crying, burying her face in Tong's shoulders. "T-Tongiee!!" she wailed. "It was terrible!! Cao Cao wouldn't stop touching me!!"

A look of pure malice spread across Tong's face. He was shaking with fury. "He... he didn't... he didn't..."

"He didn't do that, but he tried, I wouldn't let him get close enough," Xiao whimpered. "I kicked him in the face and he got really angry!! But I ran away before he could get up and chase me!"

"THAT BASTARD RAPED YOU!! I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO TEAR HIS $# HEAD OFF AND SHOVE IT DOWN HIS #$#$#$#$ING THROAT!! I'M--" I clamped my hand over Tong's mouth, trying to calm him down before he exploded with fury. He was glowing red with rage.

"Tong, calm down!!" I ordered, and turned to Xiao. "Xiao, he DIDN'T rape you?"

"N-no," Xiao said, still looking scared. Tong's eyes were so narrowed they didn't even look like eyes, just horizontal lines where his eyes used to be. "T-Tongie, please calm down... I'm OK..." Xiao pleaded.

"You don't LOOK okay," Tong growled. "And I'm still going to castarate that dirty bastard, so help me--"

"OK, OK, we heard you. Xiao, we've gotta get you back to the Main Camp. We've got some clothes you can wear, so you don't have to wear that torn getup." I turned to Tong, still looking enraged. "Tong, you're gonna have to carry her, alright? She's too scared to walk.

Tong nodded and picked Xiao up effortlessly. "C'mon," he said. A big smile spread across Xiao's face and she hugged her cousin. "I love you, Tongie," she said, tears rolling down her cheeks. "You're the best."

Tong didn't reply, since he wasn't much of a fan of being sentimental (unless it was me, of course) but Xiao seemed to be pleased with his lack of an answer. His reaction to Cao Cao's near assault on her had been enough to show her, AND anyone in a mile radius who'd heard him screaming, know how he REALLY felt.

(AN: Ok, in this, they're cousins, so this isn't any Qiao x Ling Tong action, or any incest crap)

"Let's get you back to the camp, there's a LOT of concerned people who want to see you," I said, feeling happy again. "We've gotta get a message to Da, too, she's worried sick..."

Upon arrival at the Main Camp, a couple of the soldiers saw Tong holding Xiao, and ran screaming into the camp "LADY XIAO'S BACK!! LADY XIAO'S BACK!!"

Honestly, you really never know how much you miss something unless it's been taken from you, Xiao Qiao being a perfect example. Zhou Yu came up to us to thank us for finding Xiao, obviously trying to keep his cool, but lost it, hugged us both, AND even kissed Tong on his cheek. (Tong looked disgusted.) He then danced off, singing a joyful hymn in a loud, off-key tune.

"I've never seen him so happy," I said to Tong, who was disgustedly wiping his face of Zhou Yu saliva.

"Yuck! And hopefully he never gets this happy again!" he complained.

"You're back to normal," I said, laughing.

"Hey, you know me. I don't like being pissed off," Tong said.

"Hey, guys! Good job getting what's-her-face back!!" Ning yelled from the other side of the camp, pounding his fist into the air as a show of congratulations. I waved back, while Tong growled under his breath.

Xiao came out a few minutes later, cleaner and dressed in her usual DW5 outfit, (once again, lazy author doesn't feel like describing this) and was greeted by the entire Wu army, including her estactic husband, who hugged and kissed her in front of everyone.

When Zhou Yu finally let go of her, Xiao giggled and waved back at the Wu forces. "Thanks, everyone! I didn't know I'd be missed so much!" she said, laughing.

"Only Xiao could escape from Cao Cao's clutches and laugh about it," I said.

"Hey, she survived Dong Zhuo, didn't she?" Tong said.

Quan apparently slapped some sense back into Zhou Yu, who was back to his normal, boring, blander-than-dry-bread self in moments. "Everyone, remember, there's a war going on," he said in his dull monotone.

"The strategy is as follows: Pang Tong is currently in the middle of chaining the ships together. When he completes his task, Ling Tong, Sun Shang Xiang, and their forces will go and take out the bridge in the Southwest area."

"Why do we ALWAYS have to do everything?" Tong complained, back to being his whiny self once more. "We're not the only two generals in this army, ya know!"

"Well, Gan Ning could accompany Shang Xiang, instead of yourself," Zhou Yu said, smirking.

"What are we waiting for! We've got a bridge to take out!" Tong yelled, his mood changing faster than lighting.

"That's the spirit! Once the bridges have been taken out, as quickly as you can, you two, we'll have to hold the Wei forces off until Zhuge Liang can summon the Northeastern Wind. Gan Ning, Cheng Pu, and Taishi Ci will defend the altar until the wind prayer is successful."

"Aw, man! I hate defense duty!" Ning complained.

"Calm down, Gan Ning, once the wind is summoned you can go kill people. Once the wind blows, Huang Gai will begin his advances from the enemy side towards the docks. In fact, Gan Ning, change of plans. Head for the middle bridge and take out every enemy officer in the area. There's roughly a thousand men, including generals, stationed there," Zhou Yu said.

"YES!! WOO HOO!! I GET TO KICK SOME WEI ASS!! YEAH!! ALRIGHT!!" Gan Ning screamed, dancing around and waving his sword like a lasso. Noticing everyone staring at him, he cleared his throat and said, "Uh, I mean, it'll be a hard duty but I'll do it somehow, my Lord," he said, saluting Zhou Yu.

Tong let out a cough with sounded suspiciously like the words "Bullshit". I elbowed him in the side to make him shut up.

"So once Huang Gai launches the fire attack, the entire area will be engulfed with gigantic, beautiful, orange flames. These fires will be visible for miles! Nothing but fires, burning down Cao Cao's fleet to rubble! Hot, searing flames as far as the eye can see! These fires shall burn Cao Cao's ambition into ashes! ASHES!!" Zhou Yu screamed, his pyromania gleam visible in his eyes.

All was silent for a minute, until Xiao said, "Umm, Zhouie? You're being all crazy again!"

The army snorted, laughing at their master strategist's pet name. Zhou Yu looked highly embarrassed and said, "Oh, shut the hell up, all of you!! You don't know how it feels to be loved!! Anyways, you all know your positions-- NOW GO!"

The entire army cheered, then the troops began to disperse into their individual units. Tong and I turned to leave to take out the bridges, when we heard Xiao ask Zhou Yu, "Hey, Zhouie, where's my position?"

Zhou Yu sounded shocked. "Xiao, you're not fighting! After what happened earlier, the last thing I'd have thought you wanted would be..."

"To kick the living shit out of Cao Cao!" Xiao said happily, as if discussing flowers or rainbows. "Zhouie, what he did to me was so mean I want him to die so that never happens to anybody else! I want to make sure he dies!"

"No denying you've been hanging around with Shang Xiang," Zhou Yu grumbled. "Alright, you can fight alongside me. But don't leave my side for any reason!"

"You got it!" Xiao said, beaming at him.

They're so happy together, I thought to myself. Ning'd never act like that around me... then again, Xiao's easily pleased. Why can't there be any guys like that in Wu?

My thoughts were interrupted by an arm wrapping around my neck, choking the life out of me AND scaring the poop out of me at the same time.

"Haha! Gotcha!" Tong laughed, letting me go so I could breathe again.

Enraged, I promptly punched him upside the head, and he yelped and grabbed his jaw, where I punched him.

"OW! Some people can't take a joke!" Tong said, sounding annoyed. "Now my jaw's dislocated!"

"Serves you right!" I said. "You know I HATE IT when you do that!"

What was I saying about Wu lacking in the guy department?

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Woohoo. I was gonna slice this chapter in half, leave you at the part when Shang Xiang and Tong find Xiao, but decided, aw, hell, it'll mean more work for me in the long run, sooo... enjoy your longer chapter ;) I'll have the rest posted sometime this weekend... but ol' Chi Bi's gonna heat up in the next chapter, and Shang Xiang fights against one of the most dangerous Wei characters there is. :) Points to whoever guesses correctly. :D

**SHAMELESS ADVERTISING: **A'ght, I've got something to say on a completely unrelated note. Anybody like Soul Calibur? Then go read my Soul Calibur fics too!! They're under the Jenizaki account, just head over to the Soul Calibur section and I'll be around somewhere. Thanks mucho if you do :)

And the editing thing for sucks major donkey butt, so my apologies if the formatting is all screwed up. I'm a grammar nazi, so I'm not the one screwing stuff up. :D I think. Hmm.


	34. Battle of Chi Bi, Part 2

For dramatic suspense, I decided to post the chapter a wee bit later than usual. Because I'm awesome like that. No, really, don't kill me, look how long this chapter is!! -point-

And, check it out- the chapter listing for this damn thing is so long, it's got a scroller bar. How awesome is THAT:D This is without a doubt the longest thing I've ever written, I doubt my Soul Calibur fanfic is going to get this long...

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Tong and I began our assault on the Wei army towards the southwestern coastline of Chi Bi. Since Cao Cao's Imperial Army had troops lined along the coastline, leading up to Zhuge Liang's altar, we agreed to take out the grunts and work our way to the bridges.

I slashed at a few enemy troops, killing some, while some of the stronger ones staggered back a few feet. I swung the other way, bringing these guys down in a matter of seconds.

"Ha! This is almost too easy!" Tong called, dodging the troops' pathetic attacks and retaliating by swinging his nunchakus in a circle, whacking all of the unfortunate soldiers in the way.

I agreed and continued my steady assault on the Wei army. I turned back towards the enemy and was hit with a barrage of attacks, most of them being minor injuries caused by the blunt part of a spear.

"OW! Bastard!" I yelled, launching into a series of horizontal attacks on everyone around me. "EYAA!" I yelled, throwing my chakrams in both directions. My two weapons swung around, killed a few troops, and landed back into my hands once more.

We continued our savage onslaught on the enemy. I eliminated Wen Pin, one of Zhang Liao's officers, and Tong took out Xun You, a strategist also serving under Zhang Liao.

"Stupid morons! Too bad nobody told 'em we were coming, eh Shang Xiang?" Tong yelled.

I laughed and swung my right arm back, killing two infantrymen nearby. "Kinda sucks for these guys, though, being stuck as foot soldiers is usually a guarantee that you're going to die." I kicked a couple corpses aside and they rolled down the slope, bathed in their own blood.

"Ew," Tong said, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly, as though trying to forget the fact that we'd just killed roughly 100 men. I surveyed the area, wincing inwardly at the carnage that surrounded me.

"Well, time to move on," I said. "We don't have time to waste."

"Think Pang Tong chained the bridges together yet?" Tong asked.

Before I could answer, a messenger approached. "A message from Lord Pang Tong! He says the current situation is difficult and that you two need to stop messing around and take down the bridge! He says the battle will be won if you seal off the central route!"

"You got it! Tong, let's go!" I yelled.

Tong nodded and the battle raged on.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Upon our arrival at the bridge, quite a few enemy soldiers were standing guard. Tong and I . exchanged glances. "You take left, I take right?" he suggested.

"You bet," I answered, and we attacked. My chakrams swung left and right, taking countless enemy soldiers down with them. One rather audacious soldier whacked me on the back of the head with the blunt edge of his spear, and I went down with a loud groan.

"SHANG XIANG!! HANG ON!!" Tong yelled from elsewhere, and he charged over and attacked the soldiers who'd gotten me. From my position on the dirty, wooden ground, I could see Tong's nunchakus flailing about, whacking Wei troops in the face. Tong hit one of the troops in the gut, causing the unfortunate soldier to gag, causing his saliva to shoot from his mouth and land onto me.

"Ew! Gross!" I complained, and jumped back to my feet. "You OK?" Tong asked, right behind me.

"Yeah, I'll live," I said. We were back-to-back, surrounded by all the troops on the bridge, which meant one thing.

"Shang Xiang?"

"Yeah?"

"ATTACCCCK!!" Tong screamed, and attack we did. While I struggled against the masses of enemy soldiers, Tong was locked in combat with Yue Jin of the Wei army. Tong was too quick for the larger, rather portly officer, and while Yue Jin swung his sword at Tong, he simply dodged the blows and fired back with a barrage of nunchaku attacks.

"Hah! You snooze, you lose," Tong said, and dodged yet another of Yue Jin's attacks, causing him to stumble and trip over the edge, gripping onto the sides of the docks.

"Any last words?" Tong taunted, leaning over the edge and smirking at the officer.

"Yeah! Damn you to hell, pretty boy!" yelled Yue Jin.

"WHAT'D YOU SAY TO ME!? Get outta here!" Tong yelled, kicking Yue Jin in the shoulder, causing his grip to weaken, and fall over the edge of the waters into the agitated waters.

"Bastard," Tong growled. "I'm _not_ pretty. I'm _handsome_!!"

In a matter of minutes, the guards were either dismembered, disembowled, disembodied, decapitated, thrown overboard, or all of the above, and the bridge was covered with corpses.

"Gross!" Tong complained. "This guy tried to stab me and ended up stabbing his friend in the nuts instead!"

"How's that gross?" I asked, kicking some guard over the edge.

"I can see them, and they're bleeding!" Tong whined. "Seeya!" He pushed the unfortunate soldier with the dismembered prostate overboard.

"That about does it," I said, looking around.

"Yeah, I'd say," Tong said. "Let's take this bridge down, shall we?"

"Whoa!" I yelled, feeling a hand grab my rear end. "Why you nasty little-" Before I could kill the brave Wei troop who had the nerve to grope at the Princess of Wu's rear end, Tong beat me to it, punched the guy in the jaw, and sent him flying a clear 20 feet through the air.

"DON'T TOUCH HER, ASSHOLE!!" Tong screamed, shaking his fist at the soldier sailing through the air to his doom, finally landing with a messy splash in the water.

Apparently I was staring, and Tong glanced at me. "What? I'm the only one allowed to pinch your ass," he laughed, obviously playing around.

"I'll let that one slide," I said, rolling my eyes. "Thanks, though."

"Don't mention it," Tong said hurriedly, obviously wanting to change the subject. "Umm, the bridge, remember?"

(AN: OK, since the bridge isn't just gonna collapse by magic like it does in the DW games, I'm gonna have to write about how it falls apart, and I ain't no bridge mason, so this probably isn't an accurate way to take a bridge down. Desperate times call for desperate measures, though.)

"Oh, yeah. They're held up by suspension cables, see?" I said, pointing.

(AN: See, I told you. Nobody give me any crap about writing inaccurate ways the ancient Chinese used to take bridges down, either.)

"That's easy enough," Tong said. He thought for a second and said, "Alright, throw your chakram at that pole over there."

"What for?"

"Just do it."

I shrugged and with a flick of my wrist, sent my chakram flailing with expert precision at the pole. The chakram ricocheted (AN: ricocheted, fancy word for rebound) off the pole and the blade sliced through one side of the ropes, causing the left side of the bridge to collapse and begin to sink into the water.

"Whoa!!" Tong yelled, wobbling a little. I caught my chakram as it whizzed back into my hand. "You OK?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Alright, let's see... throw your chakram at THAT pole," Tong said, pointing. "If we're lucky the same thing'll happen."

I threw my chakram again, and it bounced off the pole and sliced through the ropes. Fortunately, this sent the bridge into the churning waters below. Unfortunately, Tong and I were still on board.

"Oh, shit!" Tong yelled angrily. "Note for future reference, next time we destroy a bridge, GET OFF OF IT FIRST!!"

"Let's hope there is a next time! Come on!" I yelled.

"SHIT! I can't! I'm stuck!" Tong yelled, gesturing to his leg, stuck in the boards. I threw my chakrams onto the sturdy section where the bridge used to be connected to and ran across the breaking lumber to my friend.

"What are you doing? Don't be a hero!" Tong said, looking suprised that I came back for him.

"Oh, shut up!" I said angrily. I grabbed another plank and used it to pry Tong's leg free. "GO!" I screamed. He withdrew his leg and glanced down. "How deep is this water?" he yelled.

"60 thousand feet!" I yelled. "I don't know!"

"60 THOUSAND FEET!?" Tong screamed, apparently not hearing the "I don't know" part. "COME ON!!" He seized my hand and, dragging me behind him, ran back towards the sturdy section where I'd thrown my chakrams.

We both grabbed onto a section of wood and held on until we thought our fingers would break off. "We're so dead," Tong whimpered. "Shang Xiang, I've gotta tell you something. I--"

"What the hell?"

We both looked up to see Ning crouching down, looking at both of us in our helpless predicament, fighting back a grin. "How come every time I find you two, you're dangling off something, hanging on for your lives?"

"Because fate is cruel," Tong said sarcastically. "HOW THE HELL SHOULD WE KNOW!? YOU THINK WE WANT TO BE DANGLING FOR OUR LIVES EVERY CHAPTER IN THIS STUPID STORY?! WE BLAME THE DAMN AUTHOR!"

(AN: Me: -coughs innocently- Who, meee?)

"HELP US, YOU JERK!!" Tong finished, ignoring the author's coughing.

"Alright, alright, calm down," Ning said, rolling his eyes. He reached over, grabbed me by my wrists, and gently pulled me up.

"Whew. Thanks, Ning," I said.

"Wow, you're really pretty when you're dangling for your life, Shang Xiang," Ning said, winking at me and obviously trying to piss Tong off. It worked.

"STOP FLIRTING WITH HER AND HELP ME!" Tong screamed, kicking his legs angrily.

(AN: I don't know why I make Ling Tong such an angry spaz, I just do. I love you, Ling Tong!! Really!!)

Gan Ning rolled his eyes, leaned over, grabbed a handful of hair, and pulled Tong up. "OW! I could have done that myself!" Tong said angrily, fixing his hair.

"Then why didn't you?" Ning smirked.

"I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO--"

"SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!!" I screamed. "As usual, since fate IS cruel, I'm stuck here in the middle of you two idiots arguing! So SHUT UP!!"

Tong and Ning scowled at each other wordlessly. "I'M not doing anything. Spaz Boy's the one picking the fights here," Ning snapped.

"Maybe if you didn't KILL MY FATHER, I'd--"

"TONG! SHUT UP!" I yelled. "Ning's got a point! The two of you obviously hate each other! That's fine! But leave your stupid grudges and everything behind you! This is war, guys! And people DIE in war!"

"Well duh," Ning said.

"NOT helping!" I snapped. "Just get up and come on!"

"What the hell are you doing here, anyway? Aren't you supposed to clear out the central bridge?" Tong demanded.

"Already diiiid," Ning sang casually, twirling his blood-stained sword around like a baton.

"Animal," Tong scoffed. "Only you can commit that kind of bloodthirsty violence and laugh about it."

"Who's laughing about it, Sissy Boy? I do what has to be done," Ning retorted. "It's my job, and if I don't do it right nobody's gonna do it. Might as well let these guys go down swingin'. They don't stand a chance against Gan Ning. Nobody does."

I groaned. "Ning, your arrogance is showing," I complained. That would only get Tong started again.

Strangely enough, he didn't respond. "Let's go," Tong said simply. "We've got a battle to win."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

We got to the Central Bridge, where Huang Gai's rendezvous (AN: fancy word for get-together) with our forces was supposed to happen.

"We're supposed to look for the ship with the red mast," Ning said, scanning the seas. "Jusssst leave it to me. I've been searching for ships for years now, and none of 'em have ever gotten away from Gan Ning of the Bells--"

"Like that one over there?" Tong said, rolling his eyes and wearing his smug "I am Superior" face.

Ning looked up and swore. "Well, there's a first time for everything," he scowled. "Alright, flag 'em down, and get ready to fight in case this is an ambush..."

The ship had on board Huang Gai, nodding formally at us, and, in front of all of us, leapt from the ship's deck, through the air, and landed on the dock in front of us.

"Hello, youngsters," he said. "I'm getting a bit too old for this!"

"Are you kidding?" Tong asked, looking incredulous. "That's awesome for a guy your age!"

"I'm going to take that as a compliment, boy," Huang Gai said, rolling his eyes. "Now for the pièce de résistance! Clear out, you three! Start preparing for the fire attack!"

We all nodded and took a couple steps back, our eyes all wide. We'd all seen and started fires before, of course, but not one as great as this.

A large gust of wind blew from behind us, meaning Zhuge Liang's prayer was a success. Huang Gai raised his club and yelled, "FOR THE GLORY OF WUUUUUUUUU!!!!", driving it into the ground. The impact of the iron club slamming against the wooden docks caused sparks to rub off and land on the flammable ground.

If you blinked, you would have missed it. In seconds, the entire area was aflame, a gigantic willowing inferno, being carried by the wind towards the Wei fleet.

We all watched in awe as these gigantic flames rose up in the sky. Cough up a victory for Wu; this was possibly the biggest victory we'd had since Ce re-claimed the Jiang Dong territory.

The fires were spreading rapidly, and all of the nearby barrels, equiptment, and the ships themselves were beginning to crumble with the searing heat. It was getting hard to see, too.

Instinctively I grabbed onto Ning's arm, since it was now too hot and ashy to see straight. Ning (I could tell it was Ning, because if it was Tong, he'd have screamed in his embarrassment and jumped a foot into the air) grasped my hand tight and helped steer me out of the dead-heat of the fires.

"Thanks, Ning," I gasped.

"No problem, baby," Ning grinned.

"Hope Tong and Huang Gai made it out OK," I said, worried. The flames were starting to disperse some, spreading across the entire Wei fleet like a large, hot blanket, so it was visible inside once more.

"Woohoo!" Tong yelled, waving his nunchaku arm. "Let's go kick some ass!"

"Gan Ning, come with me!" Huang Gai called. "I want backup!"

"Gotcha! See you guys later!" Ning yelled, waving his hand in a salute at me and charging after Huang Gai, cutting down some guard who happened to be in the way.

Apparently I was just standing there gazing at Ning, particularly his backside, and Tong noticed me. "Oi! Shang Xiang! Let's go!" he yelled.

I snapped out of it and headed into the fires to join him. "Right! Sorry!" I said.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Whoa! Watch it there, jerk!" Tong yelled, avoiding the swing of one of the Wei infantry's spears.

Cao Cao wasn't having that great of a day; first Xiao Qiao escaped on him, then his entire fleet, and the ocean, was caught on fire.

This battle was really starting to heat up, if you can forgive the pun. The skies were already dark, and the moon was illuminating the coastline and the ships, but thanks to the smoke rising from the flames, the sky had turned a ghastly smoky color.

Tong swung his nunchakus and sent the guy flying of the edge into the ocean. "Stupid pathetic wimps," he said, coughing. "Typical of Cao Cao. He's pissed, so he's sending thousands of troops to their deaths as a result."

"Tong, you alright?" I asked. "You're coughing a lot."

"Shang Xiang, we're -cough- in an inferno here, it's not too good for any of us," he gasped. Tong was obviously not adjusting to this flaming enviroment very well, and he was actually leaning against a pole, gasping for air.

"C'mon, we're getting you out of here," I yelled, seizing his hand. "We're going!"

"I'm fine! We can't disobey -cough- orders!" Tong yelled angrily.

"I follow my own orders!" I replied. "You can't even breathe!"

"YES I CAN!! I'M FINE!" Tong screamed, ending his tirade with a loud, hacking cough. He wobbled uncertainly, like he was going to pass out, and I hurried to help support him.

"Well?" I said, wrapping one of my arms around his waist.

"Land -cough- ho," he grumbled, putting his arm around my shoulder.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

We got out of the fires and managed to wind up along the coastline, where Wu troops were assembling. Shu troops, I noticed, were boarding their own ships, making preparations for immediate retreat.

"Wimps," Tong said, coughing still.

"You OK?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'll live," he said, leaning against my shoulder. "Thanks."

"No problem," I said. "Take it easy for a while and we'll head back out later."

"Good idea."

I turned my attention back to the ships and froze. "Tong, look," I said, pointing.

"What?"

"The flames are spreading in the wrong direction," I said. "We've gotta get over there and warn our side! Zhuge Liang's wind attack must have worn out!"

"Are you kidding me?? All this bullshit about allying with Shu, just so their wind attack wears off and their troops abandon us?" Tong scowled, enraged.

"Easy, easy," I said quickly. "C'mon, those flames are gonna get to the main camp any minute now!"

Tong swore angrily and nodded. "Then we don't have any time to spare! Let's go!"

XXXXXXXXXXXX

We made it onto the docks and got back to the Wu fleet, avoiding the flaming sections. Zhou Yu was standing guard nearby.

"Zhou Yu!" I yelled. "The flames are spreading! Get Quan and the troops outta here!"

"What?" Zhou Yu demanded. "That's impossible! Zhuge Liang's prayer--"

"Stopped working," Tong finished. "We don't have time for this! Go!"

Zhou Yu looked annoyed at the thought of taking orders from Tong and myself, but swallowed his pride and nodded. "Right. I'll evacuate the troops," he said.

"Alright, let's go, we've got some cows to kill," Tong said, laughing at his own stupid joke.

I rolled my eyes. "C'mon, let's roll."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Don't... these... guys... ever... QUIT!?" I screamed, lashing out my right arm, slashing through the bodies of several soldiers, their agonized screams ending as they splashed into the churning waters.

"Who cares? More fun for us, right!?" Tong yelled, his nunchakus whacking a few soldiers on the backs of their heads.

"I suppose, if you like that sort of thing," I called back. "Tong, look out! Left arm!"

Without even looking, Tong swung his left arm back, his fist smashing into the face of the soldier behind him. "See ya!" he yelled, lashing around with his nunchakus and knocking the guy overboard.

"HA! Suck on that, you stupid shit eaters!" Tong screamed, pointing at the drowning troops below.

I smiled and turned to survey the bloody slaughter that used to be the Wei infantry. "Sometimes I feel kinda bad about killing all these people," I said, kicking a decapitated head, causing it to sail through the air overboard. "All they're doing is serving their country..."

"Mercy on the battlefield gets you killed," Tong said, quoting Ce word for word. "C'mon, let's get outta here..."

I nodded and took a deep breath, dropping my chakrams on the ground and resting my aching arms on my legs. My chakrams were quite heavy, and prolonged uses like this battle was beginning to take its toll on me.

"Shang Xiang, you OK?" Tong asked.

I nodded and turned around to face my friend. My eyes widened as I saw the glint of an arrowhead, whizzing through the air, no doubt aimed at Tong.

"TONG! DUCK!" I screamed, throwing myself on top of him and causing us both to skid along the ship's edge, slamming against a wall.

"Ow! What the heck was that for?" Tong complained, pushing me off him and rubbing his head.

"THAT!" I yelled, pointing at the arrows that, since Tong was now relocated, hit the side of the ship.

"Oh. Here I thought you were trying to kill me," Tong said, standing up.

"Humph. You should trust my judgement more," I said.

"I do! I do! I was just wondering!" Tong said, grabbing my hands and pulling me up.

Aside from the bloody carnage of enemy troops, we appeared to be alone. Tong seemed to notice this too, since he was still holding my hands.

"Uh... Shang Xiang?"

"Hmm?" Like I didn't already know what he was going to say.

"Ummmm..."

I knew what was coming, it was the moment I had been dreading for years now, the moment when Tong told me he loved me and the moment when I had to tell him I wanted to stay friends, and break his heart. I knew it would have to happen someday.

Please let something happen. Please, anything. I wasn't ready for this.

Tong opened his mouth, to tell me the inevitable truth he'd been trying to tell me since we'd first met, then cried out in pain and fell forwards into my own outstretched arms. "Tong!? What the hell!?" I yelped.

Well, it appeared my "something come up" prayer was answered, in the form of another arrow flying through the air and hitting Tong right into the back. I've gotta start being more specific.

"Ow!" Tong said angrily, gritting his teeth furiously. "Kill whoever did that, Shang Xiang!"

I nodded. "Are you-"

"Yes. I'm in a lot of pain. NOW GO!" Tong screamed angrily.

I shook my head furiously and held onto him tighter. "I'm not leaving you here to die!" I looked over Tong's head and scanned the area. "Whoever's out there can face me in person, you cowardly bastard!"

From the smoky haze of the remains of the fire attack, stepped a tall, slim woman who looked older than I was, her hair wrapped in an elegant knot on top of her head. The little clothing she was wearing was tight and for the most part transparent.

"Whoa," Tong commented, earning him a nice smack from me. "OW!"

"You can be a sarcastic pervert, but you can't fight?" I hissed angrily.

"Humph. I'll just die in silence."

"Best thing you've said all day."

"I certainly hope I'm not interrupting anything," the woman said cooly. "You must be from Wu. I'd recognize that brutal fighting stance, and that nose, anywhere. You're of the Sun family."

I twitched with rage. Never let the enemy know you're angry, I told myself. It gives them the advantage. "And you must be Zhen Ji. I'd recognize those clothes- or lack of, should I say- anywhere. You're the traitor to the Yuan family."

"How irritating, to be insulted by a common rube," Zhen Ji snarled, twirling her golden flute in her fingers. "How sad. You've sealed your own fate. To think I was going to let you run away... I'll make sure you suffer for that, you insufferable little whore."

"You're calling ME a whore? The woman who ran off with the enemy and abandoned her husband to die in the remains of his castle? You Wei bastards must have different definitions of words in your shit country," I snapped.

"Ha! She told you, skank woman!" Tong called.

Zhen Ji's eyes narrowed. "So this must be what Wu settles on for generals, run-of-the-mill adolecents with no fighting experience whatsoever," she said in her bitchy voice.

"Yeah? At least we don't do cheap shots here in Wu, skank!" Tong said, sounding a lot tougher than he looked, considering the fact that he was on his knees, being supported by my arms, with an arrow lodged in his back.

"I refuse to sit here and be insulted by such vile garbage," Zhen Ji snarled, raising her flute. "Either stand and fight, Princess of Wu, or die by my blade!"

"You call that a blade?" I scoffed, setting Tong down nearby and crouching into a fighting position. "Where'd you learn to fight? The same place you met your husband?"

"Why you uncouth, unrefined plebian! Prepare to face Zhen Ji!" Zhen Ji cried dramatically, pointing her flute at me.

"I'm surprised. Didn't know you pathetic excuse of a royal woman would dare take me on," I snapped. "At least, without a thousand troops as backup."

"My thousands of troops have been slaughtered in a barbaric fashion, courtesy of your boorish country's standards," Zhen Ji said angrily. "And I shall avenge their deaths! Prepare yourself!"

XXXXXXXXXXXX

And that's a wrap. Next chapter we got a girl fiigggght going on, and it'll be good. Well, of course it will. I wrote it. :)


	35. Battle of Chi Bi, Part 3! That rhymes!

Sorry I sucked ass this week when it came to reviews, but I've had like the greatest weekend of my life. **I GOT TO MEET (AND HUG) MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FAMOUS PERSON OF ALL TIME, WHO I HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH FOR LIKE EVER. (Since January 07.) **But HOLY FECKING CRAP, it really does count who ya know, since my friend's big bro got us KICK ASS TICKETS to the American Idol concert or whatever, and our seats kicked so much ass we got to shake all of the Idols's hands, and when Blake Lewis jumped up on a table to sign autographs, I friggen hugged him. xD AND HE HUGGED ME BACK!! WOOHOO!! I AM GREAT!!

Uh, ahem, sorry, got a wee bit carried away there. Been working frantic on my Soul Calibur fic, forgot to give this old thing the time of day. I have one more part to Battle of Chi Bi and then I've gotta start writing this crap on my own again, DAMN:P

Where'd we leave off? Ah, I dunno. Go check back if you forgot. :)

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Zhen Ji attacked, lashing out with her flute. I blocked, not letting her get the upper hand. She withdrew her flute and viciously stabbed through the blades of my chakrams and jabbed me in the lower chest.

I gasped in pain as the sharp edge of the flute lanced through my clothes into my flesh. "OWWW... you... BITCH!" I screamed, staggering back a few feet. I wasn't finished yet, however; in retaliation, I kicked the evil woman in the chest and slashed at her with my chakrams before she got a chance to stand upright once more.

My chakrams had hit home; one of the blades had left a long, deep, vertical cut along Zhen Ji's arm. The purple cloth, worn in a glove fashion, had torn down the center, with a large red gash visible. Blood was leaking out.

"Brutish creature! You shall be vanquished!" she cried, holding her wounded arm.

"HAH! That'll be the day!" I taunted.

"Way to go, Shang Xiang," Tong said, but I could tell by the amount of blood dripping from his back that his condition was rapidly deteriorating. I had to hurry.

In the fifteen seconds in which I'd turned from the battle, Zhen Ji had gotten back to her feet and retaliated. I felt the solid metal smash against my arm, and I felt a crack. Pain.

I staggered angrily, holding my arm. If the bone hadn't snapped in two, it was definitely injured, and decreased my chances of winning this battle.

Still, I'd rather die honorably than give up like a coward. I spared a glance at Tong, who had been quiet for a few minutes now. His eyes were closed, but I saw the rise and fall of his chest and was relieved. He wasn't dead. If I finished Zhen Ji off soon I could get him back to the main camp.

"What's the matter, Wu Princess?" Zhen Ji taunted. "Your older brothers aren't here to protect you?"

"What about your husband? You haven't been kissing his ass lately," I answered, feeling a lot tougher than I felt.

"You shall pay for your insolence!" Zhen Ji screamed. "Clearly scum such as yourself can only learn the lesson the hard way!"

"Yeah, yeah, right, like you're actually gonna do anything," I snapped. "You idiots are all the same. You talk like you're going to kill us, but the whole time you look like you're ready to drop a load! Get real!" I stood up straight, dropped the chakram in my useless arm, and crouched down, ready to fight to the end.

"Beasts like yourself are doomed to perish," Zhen Ji snarled, swinging her flute at my head again. I ducked and she raised her flute to hit my head. I rolled on my back and kicked my legs upward, knocking her in the stomach.

"Oooh!" Zhen Ji gasped, having the wind knocked out of her. I rolled back and stood upright.

"Had enough?" I smirked.

"Not a chance," she replied.

We continued fighting, occasionally landing blows on each other. Toward the middle of our duel, I could see over Zhen Ji's shoulder that her troops were slowly closing in on us. I shrugged it off. I could take a couple (hundred thousand) troops.

Zhen Ji whacked me across the face with her flute, causing me to cough up some blood. "BITCH!" I screamed, striking with my chakram, nearly cutting her right leg off.

Zhen Ji shrieked in pain and wobbled on her left leg, wincing in pain. "This might be the end," she said angrily. "But I shall not give up!"

"That makes two of us!" I yelled, charging again. Zhen Ji landed another blow to my shoulder, and I yelled in pain. She kicked me, with her mobile leg, and I stumbled against the edge of the docks, and smashed against a wooden wall.

I groaned in pain. Unless a miracle happened, I was going to die.

I looked up once more, sweat dripping from my face onto the ground, and gasped. I was wrong; these troops were not Zhen Ji's. A tall, rather muscular man atop a snow-white horse was watching our duel, coming up behind Zhen Ji.

"Zhen, what ails you?" he said, looking down at Zhen Ji.

"M-My lord! I was simply disposing of the Wu vermin for you," Zhen Ji answered, glaring scathingly at me. Ohhhh boy. This had to be Cao Pi.

Cao Pi turned to look at me and raised an eyebrow. "What do we have here? One of those Southern peasants?" He walked up to me and seemed to be sizing me up.

"Very well. Zhen, I am sure you can easily dispose of this little insect. Carry on. Might I also add the rumored beauty of the Wu Princess is quite... shall we say... mistaken. Carry on, Zhen, I shall await your victory," Cao Pi said.

Zhen Ji approached me, raising her flute to my chest, probably going to stab me. "Well, well, little Wu Princess, for one as arrogant as yourself, one would expect you'd put up a greater struggle," she said mockingly.

"Get it over with, bitch," I snarled.

Zhen Ji gritted her teeth maliciously. "Oh don't worry, little Princess. It'll all be over soon."

"Zhen, we really do not have all day," Cao Pi reminded her. "Finish the Wu scum, throw her overboard, and let's go."

Zhen Ji nodded. "Your wish is my command, my lord."

"It's almost hard to believe one with such incredible beauty also possesses such great skill on the battlefield as well," Cao Pi continued. "Your melodies on the battlefield bring joy to my heart, Zhen."

"Oh, my Lord, my melodies are only played when I am by your side," Zhen Ji cooed, giving Cao Pi the Bambi-eyes expression.

"What the hell are you trying to do, gag me to death?" I said, revolted. "Kill me and get it over with!"

Zhen Ji snarled. "Have it your way. I shall play a requiem for you in the afterlife." She kicked me one final time, raised her flute, and I felt it hit home. The sharp edge pierced through my chest and I felt blood gush out. Still, she missed where she was aiming at, meaning, although I was in excruitating pain, I wasn't going to die. Yet.

I closed my eyes and let out a moan, feigning death so they'd go away. "You'll... pay... for this..." I gasped, then pretended to die.

Zhen Ji smirked (well, I couldn't see, but I KNEW that bitchy woman was smirking at the thought of killing me) and kicked me, hard. I fought back the urge to scream in pain, when I realized I was scraping along the wooden floor.

I couldn't open my eyes, but I had a good clue of what was happening. This beast woman was throwing me overboard. I was in no condition to swim back to the shore, or even fight my way back up to the docks. I was doomed, no doubt about it.

Zhen Ji kicked me again, her long black boot digging into my side. She prodded me over the edge, I took a deep breath, and I fell, into the cold, black waters.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Upon hitting the water, my eyes fluttered open. I ignored the stinging of my eyes, saw the smoky red liquid gushing from my chest wound, and choked to hold my breath in. Surrounding me was corpses, everywhere. Some of them were fatally wounded, some wore blue, some green, and some wore red. I tried not to moan in pain as the salty, filthy water stung my eyes and my multiple wounds.

I was going to die, I just knew it. I was struggling to hold my breath, not wanting to give into death, but I couldn't even see the black sillouettes of the ships above me, let alone swim up to them, injured and without use of one of my arms.

I closed my eyes and slowly exhaled. If I was going to die, it'd be by my own hand. No Wei scum was going to take down Sun Shang Xiang.

Before everything blacked out, I had the distinct feeling of something grabbing hold of me, but dismissed it as a corpse. Pretty soon it was over.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Shang Xiang!"

I thought I heard someone call my name. Strange... I wasn't immersed in water anymore, but I still felt pain. In fact, my chest hurt more than it did when I was still alive. Was this the afterlife?

Only one way to find out. I opened my eyes, tried to sit up, and saw the night sky, lit up with bright stars and the large white disk that was the moon.

"Uhhhh..." I groaned, weakly. If this was the afterlife, it sucked, I wasn't going to lie.

"Shang XIANG! Don't give out on me!" Someone was shaking my shoulders.

I opened my eyes again and saw a white-faced, terrified Tong holding me by my shoulders. "Ugggh... Tong?"

"SHANG XIANG!" Tong screamed, and hugged me so tightly I thought I would die again. "Aww, man, I was so WORRIED about you!!"

"OOF!" I gasped, returning the hug but finding it hard to breathe. "A'ight, Tong, leggo!"

"Oops, sorry," he said, releasing me. "Are you OK?"

"I think... well I'm not dead, and that's good," I said. "What happened? I thought I died!"

"So did I. I saw that horrible woman stab you and knock you overboard, and the minute she and her weasel husband left I dove in and found you. You were pretty deep down there. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY DEAD BODIES THERE ARE IN THERE? THE WATER TASTED LIKE BLOOD!" Tong said, sounding scared.

"I know, I was there," I groaned. "Where are we?"

"I have absolutely no idea. I was trying to drag both of our sorry butts back to the main camp, but you weren't moving, so I decided to figure out if you were dead or not."

"Good thing I was alive," I said. "How'd you wake me up?"

"Um... I'm sorry," Tong said, blushing all the while.

Geez. "Did we lose?" I asked, changing the subject.

"I have no idea, I guess we'll find out," Tong said. "Can you walk? I'm getting tired of carrying you, I'm exhausted..."

"Yeah, I think I can walk," I said weakly. "How much farther, you think?"

"With our lousy luck, really really really far," Tong complained.

"Can I lean against you? I can't walk that well," I said, finding it hard to breathe.

Tong nodded and I got my arm around his shoulder. "Thanks," I said,

We walked about 20 more feet, and Tong said, "Hey, look, the Main Camp. Maybe things are starting to look up."

"No they're not," I said, pointing. "Black flag." The Wu flag symbolized everything was alright in the main camp; the black flag, which had replaced it, only symbolized something bad was happening.

(AN: I doubt this is really a tradition, but hey, it's called fan FICTION so I can do what I want. Hahaha.)

"Don't worry," Tong said. "Maybe they're worried about us."

"I certainly hope so," I said.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Zhen Ji is a bitch. And that ends this Chi Bi part. Chi Bi will probably be wrapped up by Part 4, but if not, I'll put in Part V!!! WOO!!

Now tell me how great I am in a review. DO IT!! (please kthnx)

Sorry, I've been all giddy from my Blake encounter that I've been all OMG!!! about everything. xD I'll probably be back to normal sooner or later...

Haha, might I also add that I am (finally) 17 years old, thanks to my birthday which passed sometime last week, which particular day I don't care enough to remember. xD

BUT OMGIHUGGEDBLAKELEWISOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Points go to whoever can tell me what place Blake Lewis finished in during American Idol. :D I'll give you a hint- he was on tour. :) Good luck and DON'T CHEAT!!


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